Who was My mother

[Doomann]

So consciousness and the link to jealousy, this is my first memory as I was being held up by my mother and gazed out the backdoor window of my great grandparents house to see my 2 year older sister being thrown up in the air by our father as he leaned against this giant oak tree near the garage I was 6 months old at the time, I was also obsessed with the color orange had at least two bicycles that I had painted this color, this being the blanket color I was wrapped in when I was born.

My mother who was also sexual abused by her grandfather and then later in life spanked by her father while on her period, my mother went undiagnosed her entire life she like my father both very smart. My mother was a baby boomer and met my father while in the military during Vietnam im not sure when there love for each other stopped. I don't remember them ever loving each other.

As a child my mother would always want a clean house both of my parents worked my mother first attended school to start her career as a rebar detailer (like a drafts person) I think it was stressful for her cause many nights I would be awaken from sleep to see her running the vacuum, she would use said vacuum like a wand to direct me barely awake to pick up things in her way and she would say "pick that up!" "NO not that THAT!"

This is were my sarcasm would develop at a very young age and I would say in response "This is a Shoe not a that"

My mother like my father always spanked me and my sister because my mother was not very strong or tall under 5ft she used a shoe. This like my father who used a belt was always done on the bare ass.

Have you seen the movies split there is a seen about his mother heres the clip.

youtu.be/Jr5L1CO8hRw?si=oL8...(Not working as expected?)

Thats exactly how my mother was.

My father a drunk product of three tours in Vietnam verbally and physically abused my mother.

I loved my mother she use too lay me on her lap and clean my ears with a q-tip

She also would have me drive my hot wheels cars on her back while we layed in her bed (she would lator do somthing similar to my sisters kids)

When ever my mother got hurt by either me or my sister she would grab us by the arm and say let me show you that feals and then squeeze until we cried. I used to think she wanted to hurt us.

As a teanager after my parents divorced and my father remarried I realized my mother now shorter than me could no longer hurt me and she would still explode but then after about an hour would return like nothing had happened.

To my sister's children they new her as Crazygrandma although they also new never to call it to her face.

As a married adult every weekend I would have my mother over to watch a movie me and we would always watch movies together when I was a child, I would also make her dinner and we would hang out.

My mother was never shy she would always go right up to complete strangers and start talking, we use to bicycle together all over Beaverton. She would even just stand at attention while group of strangers were talking waiting paiteintly for a breaking point were she could join the conversation most the time with a wierd smile on her face.

My mother was never diagnosed however she was diagnosed with skin cancer and in 2017 after waking up in the morning went to the bathroom while coughing fell back and hit her head on the toilet paper dispenser (she had just suffered a heart attack from the treatments for her skin cancer) they were able to revive her but her brain was dead.

I the next day was the one chosen to pull the plug.

This was the worst thing Ive ever seen in my life and I love horror movie, to see the life drain out of my mothers eyes.

Ever since then I grew my goatee out and it is braided my mother was of Finnish Viking decent if you saw pictures of us you would notice that I look exactly like her same thin fine curly hair and hazel green eyes.

This is a short story of my mother I miss her, she sits in my bedroom in a tree of life urn to this day.

Thank you For learning about me.

Doomann

[Jiraf]

I love your choice of a Tree of Life urn for her ashes - beautiful.