"don't wanna disappoint loved ones" Edited by admin. Please contact 988 if you are in crisis or having suicidal thoughts.

[TRILLMIND96]

Lately this are just becoming more of a struggle over the past 20 of my life these be a lot of neglect and mistreatment lost opportunities, drugged, SA, being forced out at 16 for cannabis use to cope, have to provide a stable environment for myself with out any genuine support from blood family and the one I've created just constantly struggling to show that I own my mistakes and seek the forgiveness I work to earn and still not seeing a light ive chosento take a step away from work for the sake of childcare and my own heath within the last 5 month started to have seizure episodes and heart issued from the formed stress. Currently episodes free from current medications with other symptoms still there have talked to all the medical outlets I have access to and still not enjoy my personal experience I struggle with ending my life I don't see to much of a purpose at times and try to make the best of it but with my current situation and just completely pushed me over the edge I don't want to at the same time for the sake of my daughter and the potential of would could be. And all the constant medication changes that have just made feel life I'm not myself anymore have been on amitriptyline for the past 2 months now slight benefits but still dont feel my self

[mosaicmama]

I am so sorry that you are struggling rn. I understand that darkness as I’ve been there many times before, myself. That being said, I lost my brother to suicide over 20 years ago and it is not a loss that doesn’t haunt me. I just think about what a great uncle he would have been. The joy he would have brought to others if he had hung on just a little longer to see the light again. Life is a shit sammich sometimes but there are also those moments that take our breath away from joy. In this space, it’s sometimes hard to get through a hour, let alone a day. But try to keep one foot in front of the other. I am sending you grace and understanding and hope the longer sunlight days get you through this period.

[STEM_Dad]

I'm also sorry about the struggles that you are going through, and that have come up so much in your life.Keep trying...for your sake and for your daughter's. It's very hard for a child to grow up without one of their parents. Since you've been down the hard road, there's a lot that you can do to make her childhood better than your own youth was.

I hope that you find inspiration in being her parent, the way that I do in being dad to my own kids.

Do you have access to therapy now? Some form of talk therapy, like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), could be helpful. It helped me get through one of the most difficult times in my life. There are also other therapies that might help deal with the things from the past that are still affecting you, like ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy), or EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).

My situation isn't as bad as yours, but I've had to bear the burden of being a divorced dad living more than 2000 miles away from my support system (my friends and family), so I could be there for my kids. Their mom grew up without a dad (not dead, just absent)...I won't let them grow up without one.

[Colls47 in reply to STEM_Dad]

🙏👍🏻🙏

[LisethHIS]

Hi Trillmind96,

Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center on ADHD. I am sorry that you are struggling. First recommendation would be to contact 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline samhsa.gov/find-help/988/faqs I am not sure if you are a single mom, but here is organization that helps single moms with housing, childcare etc asinglemother.org/ The most important thing is getting therapy, or finding a support group that you can connect. Here is a link to our CHADD support groups chadd.org/affiliate-locator/ and professional directory chadd.org/professional-dire... you would like to do therapy.

If you have further questions, please let us know. We are here to help!

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD chadd.org

[Quincie]

You are so much stronger than you think. Put up a phone of your daughter everywhere. Bathroom mirror. Fridge. Phone wallpaper. Car dashboard. You need to fight the dark thoughts & feelings for her. Keep any voice mail from her. Take video of her. Remind yourself she is worth fighting for. You should not miss her milestones - graduation, prom, college, marriage, grandbaby etc. You need to be part of this - her life. Your daughter & her children are your legacy - show up for them.

A daughter losing her dad is really really hard. Never think you have nothing to live for & have failed - these are all lies. Everyday think of what you're grateful for. Every day is a new start. Every day is fresh. The past is in the past. You can look ahead to the future. Allow yourself to hope again. Forgive yourself for the past - settle the debt - make peace with yourself & look ahead to the future.

Some of this can be gone through with a counsellor or close friend. The kindness of strangers (therapist) & the love of friends help a lot. I hope you have those ppl in your life.

I have had periods of darkness where i believed my life was pointless & nothing would change. However I was making that judgement based on the past. The past is not an absolute predictor for the future. My present now looks nothing like my past. Yet in my past I had no vision for a future that looked different yet here I am.

Prayer is powerful. Use it even if it seems silly. I will pray for you also.

[Mamamichl]

my family is toxic too (and made me homeless on more than one occasion). There have been times I felt like ending things too. My daughter is the reason I’ve been living through these hard times. Choose friends wisely and they can become your family.

[Colls47]

hey you . You are not alone on this journey that we are lead to believe should be all happy and great . Far from it. I get your hardship and hoplesness . It hurts man . I have Downloaded an app called DARE. I know it’s an app, but at times , it has helped me .