adhd and anxiety as a parent

[Letusgetthruit_]

this is just so exhausting. My anxiety and adhd has become worst . I’m working through things but I still can’t eat and I’m very weak . No one understands or csn relate . I’m trying but all I hear is push push push .I just need a community that gets it .

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome! Hopefully you found that community you're looking for here. We do have a good group of ADHD folks here.

Yeah, anxiety and ADHD often go hand in hand. I was diagnosed with both at the same time 3 years ago.

Depression is also a common comorbidity with ADHD, too. (I was fight that for about a year.)

Anxiety so bad you can't eat? That does sound bad. For me, a year or two before my diagnosis, my anxiety was so bad that I had constant stomach pain. But my doctor ran tests and assured me that it wasn't ulcers. He recommended counseling, but I still waited over a year before I actually called up a counselor. (I'm glad I finally did. It set my on the path to finding my community here.)

Too many people around don't understand the struggles we go through, and don't seem to want to understand.

Stay a while. Share what you need to share. Ask what you need to ask. We will do our best to help.

[MisterUnderstood]

Hi there

Do you take adhd medication? I’ve read that anxiety can get worse for some people when taking meds, but I find it makes the anxiety better. I used to take anti depressants (Citalopram) for anxiety, which worked great, but made me a bit emotionally numb. My anxiety was all about my kids, and keeping them safe.

Lots of people get good results from CBT for treating anxiety. Might be worth looking into that?

Anxiety is horrible though isn’t it!

[Mamamichl in reply to MisterUnderstood]

I took citalopram and it was amazing for me for 10 years. Then it seemed to stop working. My doc tried Prozac and I had suicidal ideations. Within a month, I was given trintellix. I’ve had trouble with my insurance covering it, but otherwise it’s amazing!

[Letusgetthruit_ in reply to MisterUnderstood]

I do take adhd and anxiety meds and I citalophtam is one . I’ve always been able to cope very high functioning but coping for me I’ve never been relaxed but I’ve always completed the important stuff . Homeowner, 3 degrees , single mom doing that all . Recently I had a miscarriage, a relationship that I thought I knew who I was dealing with and didn’t . I think it set me back . It caused me to take a deeper look and why I operate the way I do .. the thing is I’m aware of all the the things I need.. being rest and support with my kid . However, as a single mom I can’t get that and don’t have that so I’m learning to navigate in this space that’s most conducive to my kid . I’m a bit concerned bc Morgan at is sueand this the first time I had this situation where I’m short funfd bc I can’t work . Emotionally I’m progressing but my body hasn’t got the message and is completely burned out . I usually focus on the anxiety aspect but the adhd really is the cause for a lot of my anxiety and I’m learning to work through it it’s hard .

[Son0707]

Xan you drink any fluids, if you can try drinking food replacements. Also you can eat anything at all? I have you tried seeing some therapy because it sounds like there are some underlying issues you may need to address that stopping you. Are your in fear or anxious and worried because I know when I am anxious and extremely worried I cannot eat. I have worrying issues that raises my anxiety because I struggle to come with uncertainty. I try to talk with cultural peookenlike a therapist or a support worker not friends or family cause if they don't have adhd they will c ok mpare and simulate and invalidate your unique situation. It's very hard and very lonely. Have you heard of ADDitude they are very resourceful. additudemag.com

[Mamamichl]

I totally understand where you are coming from. Most people stress eat, but I stress starve. Some teachers were like “you look good”, but I knew I was losing weight for unhealthy reasons, so their praise was actually detrimental. The ones that knew me would actually ask if I was ok and just say “I noticed you have lost a lot over the summer” as matter of fact rather than a praise.

was homeless from June 22 until this past Sunday (3.5 months). I lost 60 pounds over the summer because most of the time I would know I should eat, but every time I would look at food or smell it, I would get severe nausea and almost vomit. The hunger pains became my normal because if I ate, the nausea would be so bad, I was in tears.

For the first real time in a whole season, I’m able to eat whole meals. What helped me through the hard time was eating the brat diet (banana, rice, applesauce, toast) at least once a day and eating with someone that would praise me when I ate more than a couple bites, but no scold me if I couldn’t. Oh, and drinking milk to stave off the hunger for a short time (especially right before bed).

If you are listing too much weight, try meal replacements (like ensure), and make sure to stay hydrated.

[Letusgetthruit_ in reply to Mamamichl]

I’m sorry you’re going through it .. I’m gonna try small with oranges and stuff and get vitamins too

[Mamamichl in reply to Letusgetthruit_]

Good idea! Anything is better than nothing🫂

[STEM_Dad]

Your post title ends "...as a parent".

Does that mean that the struggles you are going through are parenting struggles?

You say that you have anxiety and ADHD, but since ADHD is inheritable, do you have any children who also have ADHD (or who seem like they do, even if they aren't currently diagnosed with ADHD)?

• On this site, there is also another community called "CHADD's ADHD Parents Together", for parents of children with ADHD to support and encourage one another, which you are welcome to join, too.

Having ADHD can make life complicated and challenging. Things that neurotypical people take for granted can be extremely stressful and even paralyzing for us.

There have been times that I was hungry, but didn't want to prepare food because I was stressed about whether I would have enough food to feed my kids over the next week. I swallowed my pride, went to a good bank, and asked family members for money.

Worry as a parent can be much worse worse than worrying for just your own sake.

If you need help and don't know where to turn, I'm sure that this group can provide lots of ideas. We have a lot of different experiences between us.

There's no shame here, no judgement.

Just other people who came here for help and connection, to be accepted and understood for who we are.

[Letusgetthruit_ in reply to STEM_Dad]

Thanks for bringing that to my attention.. I am a parent and I’m aware of the effects of my health can have on the people around me . I’m working through it . I’m really happy that when I have moments I’m able to recognize it and make sure that my daughter is always ok . She doesn’t have adhd . She’s completely fine . I just want to improve my symptoms so that it won’t affect her . And I thought this is a good community to vent and share because many ppl can’t relate or understand .

As I mentioned, I’ve always been able to cope high functioning but I’ve always be anxious . 3 degrees , homeowner, child in top school but literally I’ll get the let overs in regards to self care .. so I’m trying to do things different . I believe my recent breakup and misscarrisge . has caused my nervous system to shutdown essentially so I’m being more mindful of my own capacity.

I’m also a caregiver for my dad who has retired .

I’m currently concerned bc me feeling burnt out has caused me miss work as a result I have fmla but don’t get paid .. so I’m tryna find resources for myself .

If you made it through that long post thankyou lol

[STEM_Dad in reply to Letusgetthruit_]

Trust me, I've seen longer posts here. (Often enough, one of my own. 😂)

I'm sorry for your losses, both from the breakup and the miscarriage.

Being the only caretaker in your family is definitely taxing. Breakups are always hard. And a miscarriage can be one of the hardest things for a woman to deal with.

(I was married for 20 years, and my wife had several miscarriages. While we grieved together, I know that I could never fully experience what you and she have been through. - Sadly, we are divorced now, so I know the heartache of breaking up. I can't imagine what it's like to experience both so close together.)

Like you, I have been higher functioning ADHD and self-accommodating. But I got to a point a few years ago when I was continually on the brink of a mental breakdown. At the time, I didn't have my ADHD diagnosis. My friends and family couldn't understand my struggles. (Many empathized, but could not relate.)

I've found a lot of help on forums like this, since my diagnosis, and I hope that you will find the same support.

[Letusgetthruit_ in reply to STEM_Dad]

Yes it def makes me feel a bit more understood,, it’s just the resources for individuals that are higher functioning ..

[STEM_Dad in reply to Letusgetthruit_]

Yeah, just because we can do a lot of things that other people around us can do, doesn't mean that we're not struggling.

It takes us a lot more mental effort to do the same things. And something that might be a meer annoyance to a neurotypical person might be a significant anxiety trigger for us.

[Letusgetthruit_ in reply to STEM_Dad]

I agree

And the breakup I had is with someone who clearly have mental Illness but doesn’t take ac. I literally tried to help them but it’s weird bc in one way they showed up for me and the other way they talk to me bad .. but I think that’s why ppl stay in toxic relationships.. the need to feel understood. I’m very uncomfortable with my circumstances right now but I’m not saying nothing else to them .. bc the adhd in me always got something else to say but I’m learning to let it go

[Squirrelle]

i have tears. i read through your post and all your replies. i completely feel everything you are feeling, i relate to your 'high achieving' situation. i am also trying to figure this out myself. i don't have any real 'advice' but i will say to you, what one of my best friend/supporter/fellow-adhder says to me:

i'm so proud of you. you are out here doing so much and overcoming so much to do what you have done over the years and continue to do everyday. take a moment to celebrate what you have achieved and continue to achieve. you are doing all of 'the things' in a world that isn't built for you, and you're still here.

trust me i know you feel like you are struggling and that is ok. it's ok to be struggling and i'm sorry that you are. i'm sorry you aren't eating, i know how it feels to not be able to feed yourself and it is so so so hard.

i know burn out. i had to stop working for a number of months last year and while i was able to return to work, i don't think i'm out of the woods yet. i was pointed to theses resources by a healthcare provider so i will share it with you too in hopes that they can help:

Self-care + ADHD: talkwithfrida.com/learn/65-...

Good summary and implications from Harvard: health.harvard.edu/staying-...

What actually happens in the body system by system? apa.org/topics/stress/body

Chronic stress + ADHD: chadd.org/adhd-weekly/manag...

Recognizing stressors that paralyze the ADHD brain: additudemag.com/stressors-a....

please know you aren't alone. i see you. i feel what you feel. i'm proud of you. i was going to say keep going, BUT i think more than that i think what i would need to hear is more along the lines of: it is ok to rest, it is ok to prioritize yourself - actually it is imperative that you rest and take care of yourself. you have pushed, and you have kept going, and you're here. like you said, you have the things, you have done the things. so where you can, please try and take a step back, give yourself some time and space to rest so you can gather your amazing strength again. you will push and progress again. but right now, you need to pause. it is ok to pause, no one can sprint forever.

i am fighting the urge to erase this, but i will post it in hopes that maybe something here helps. thank you for reading my short novel if you made it this far (ha!)

[Letusgetthruit_ in reply to Squirrelle]

I’m learning to pause .

I’m learning so much in the process,

It’s painful but it’s helping me .

I needed that .

Thankyou for this

[KuroIsLittle]

I can really relate to this. I have a toddler and I'm so exhausted. I've been consistent with my medication. Yet, the last couple weeks it's as if I haven't been taking it. I'm miserable and lonely. Especially if you're a stay-at-home parent and can't get out like me, where is there to turn or who is there to talk to?