Frustrated by People

[SilverbackG]

Hi,

I am venting.

Yesterday, I followed through, and went to an "intake appointment" with a new dentist. My former dentist retired, and I haven't been to the dentist since 2021. Historically, I struggle with going to see the dentist and even the dental hygienist. I get anxious and it is a stressful event. I hide it well, pretend I am " all good" and even fool myself, for a short period of time.

So I survive the appointment, and the new dentist has "news" and is building a "treatment plan." He talks to me about the findings (news) and it seems dire. He is very neutral in his delivery. I have "Lost bone in my jaw" and will need to go to a Periodontist to determine if a couple of my teeth can be "saved." I smile, pretend to be just fine, following along. Step one is to make two appointments for "deep cleaning" first. I head out to the front desk, to schedule the next visit and sign my approval of the treatment plan.

I engage with the two receptionist/schedulers; with fun small talk and my extroverted personality jumps out; we joke and laugh, I get some dopamine and endorphins. Then I catch the eyes, one of the receptionists is looking off to the side, I don't see anyone. Then I realize that the dentist has come to tell them to "quiet her down" in reference to me. I seize that joke. "Oh? Am I too loud? " and out pours a self depreciating pile of crap as I make a joke of myself. (yeah, I am crying now as I type this).

I am always labeled as "TOO MUCH" and am tired of it. I am 57 years old and have only known I have AHDH for a year.

I wanted to scream after I walked out! I am a fun, bright, energetic and so tired of people who wanna turn down my light! I know the dental office is a quiet space and that the staff have work to do. But it was a few minutes! I didn't pull up a chair and hang out in the office.

I am tired. Tired of it.

[Hominid711]

Yep, it's annoying, frustrating, heart-breaking even, but only as long as you let it be that. It's you and it's fine and 1000 times better and more welcomed by staff than the moaning, complaining, bitter clientel that they otgerwise face day in day out - and may be expected to bear by their employer.So 2 or 3 people had fun together, one didn't.

It's clear who's better off. And who has the last laugh.

[Choco-Joy in reply to Hominid711]

Yes and while I hate that this felt so hurtful (I get that on so many levels), I would not be surprised if the dentist who wanted you to be quiet also has ADHD and he needed quiet to focus on all the detail work. I can’t imagine doing that job! They are very human. I hope in time this feels better and I hope all goes well in your jaw treatment.

[SilverbackG in reply to Hominid711]

Thank you for responding, it helps! I agree and I will reframe it in my mind...as often as it takes! It is clear, we were having a great time, and it was at the DENTIST office! Laughter is not too common in that location!

[Hominid711 in reply to SilverbackG]

Nothing better than making others the gift of having to laugh! Don't ever be confused about it. Not by bitter old dentists nor other schoolmasterly or deep down jealous types. Or upset by people being transiently irritable. I've talked back usually which isn't always the best move ;^)But given a choice I'd be born again with this magical skill that spreads joy and helpless laughter and togetherness and life and colour and optimism and may at the most occasionally need reigning in a little (depending on the situation) but never be without it. Life would be a lot less fun.

[MaudQ]

I often notice a crash after I’ve extended myself emotionally in some way. A super stressful dentist visit combined with a fun but fraught episode like the one you were describing would make me feel all the feels afterward. I try to let it pass (not so easy). Try not to read too much into the interaction between the dentist and receptionist. Who knows what the office dynamics are like there? Also … if you like this dentist (other than the fact that they hate laughter and joy) you might want to ask them or your PCP about anti anxiety meds to take to get you through dentist visits.

[SilverbackG in reply to MaudQ]

Thank you. Your perspective really helps, resonates. I will ask my doctor for help, didn’t think about meds. I used to have Ativan, but they was over a decade ago

[JulBean in reply to MaudQ]

Yes! This.

As an ADHD woman (55) I am used to being “too much” for so many people. I’m tolerable in small doses. Like you, I second guess almost every interaction. And like you, I pick up on and fixate on the rejection. We were raised in an era, and are of an age demographic, where women are expected to be controlled and quiet.

I don’t have any answers for you other than - I hear you. And social interactions where we wear the public persona are exhausting.