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Kind of frustrated

sunwolf profile image
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I've been diagnosed with ADHD for years now, but there isn't really any help where I live. I got diagnosed as an adult in her mid-20s years ago. All they suggested was pills. Pills scared me since I knew a kid had the same problem and he acted like a stoned out zombie when he took them. I've seen pills as poison(of course it didn't help that I nearly died from simple childrens ear infection pills when i was a kid), yet when I go for help, the docs can only suggest meds. There is no real other help and I was told 'well you're an adult, you've already gotten by this far.' Most other doctors around me only take in teens and kids, not adults and I was diagnosed as an adult. It's the same with depression and anxiety too. Meds only made me worse there and anything outside of medicine, docs just throw their hands up and seem to give up.

I'm in talk therapy and that helps a little, but anything else is a barren wasteland for treatment. I'm just really discouraged with the help in my area. (minnesota btw.)

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sunwolf
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Biscuit38 profile image
Biscuit38

One organization near me does virtual groups and coaching sessions I believe. adultadhdcenterdc.com/curre...

Well, you're excluding "pills" which is basically excluding 99 percent of modern medicine, which is delivered in pill form. I assume you avoid Tylenol and Ibuprofen and Aleve and allergy meds and cough meds and sunscreen.

I say go back to revisit step #1 ... saying you didn't want to "take a pill" (such a dismissive attitude towards some of the best of modern medicine which is in "pill" form for consistency and safety purposes!) ... but saying you don't want to take a pill because you once knew a kid who ... is like saying "I don't want to walk on the sidewalk" because I knew three people who were mugged on sidewalks ...

I don't want to drive a car because I know 50 people who have been in car accidents ...

The whole wording of your thinking is biased and wrong ... pills don't make people "a zombie." That's a stereotype of language. Yes, the wrong dose can slow people down ... OK ... you adjust the med or change the med. Done! ... that's no inevitable consequence of taking medications.

Your thinking suggests depression to me ... your thinking is depressed, helpless thinking. Sorry to be blunt.

Up your therapy ... find a better therapist. do some hardcore cbt ... go 2x a week ... add in a support group ... you don't want to do meds, then you need to do therapeutic stuff 5 days a week ....

sunwolf profile image
sunwolf in reply to Gettingittogether

I do appreciate the bluntness. I was pretty emotional when I wrote my initial post and I feel I should've provided more context. I know I came into the doc's office with preconceived notions and that first visit with the ADHD psychiatrist was colored by my first views of that kid. Ones close to me didn't even want me to get help and tried to talk me out of it, despite the depression. The person that I was closest to in my family didn’t want me labeled. I ended up making the decision to go into talk therapy on my own and my therapist and I discussed my depression, anxiety and my potential ADHD. I did get with a psychiatrist that tested for ADHD and I ended up getting a diagnosis, but I was too afraid to go on the pills because of how I saw how it affected another person. It was creepy to me. I’m sorry but at the time I didn’t want to be like that, you are dealing with the brain and taking something that affects it like that is scary. That was my first experience being around someone on psych meds. This was the early 2000s and the doc at the time said it wasn’t often that they tested adults for it. The tests they gave me were for teens and kids. They viewed it as too late for treatment for adults, that’s why they try to intervene early with kids. So no real help other than pills for adults at the time. No coaching, no classes, nothing. All of that coupled on top of the psychiatrists reaction really got me upset.

After a few years of talk therapy, I did eventually relent and I have taken pills for depression and anxiety. I gave them a chance multiple times. I was told by doctors, that I tried to trust, that 'these will help you' but they never disclosed the side effects. I naively didn’t even ask about that, so that is on me.

The thing is every time the meds made me pretty bad, worse even. It didn't really matter if they were changed or lowered the dosage, the side effects were nasty. Celexa shut off all of my emotions and I was no more than a robot, yet I had this feeling in my chest like there was a physical balloon there blowing up and about ready to pop. That feeling would only go away when I would stop taking it. I would break down severely depressed, but the pressure would be gone and I could even feel happy sometimes. The one med that I don't remember the name, made my memory loss worse, and another med, Wellbutrin, I had hair trigger anger and memory loss again. Me going into a verbal rage that I barely remembered was the last straw. I verbally hurt the love of my life when I was on that one. I didn't want to go through something like that or put anyone else in my life through that ever again. I vowed never to go on those meds at the time and just continue with talk therapy. To me meds are not an option. Mind you that was nearly 16 years ago. I haven’t touched psych meds since. I gave up. I still deal with pretty bad depression and white knuckle it or talk it out with my therapist when it gets bad. It was the last few years that I felt that my mental problems were getting worse. It was only recently that I thought I would see if anything has changed, maybe some alternative routes other than drugs. About 6 years ago I did go through EMDR treatment for PTSD as alternative options and it worked really well. There are some folks out there that have treatment resistant mental problems. But not much has changed for depression and anxiety. When you’ve had some fairly bad experiences with the meds and they basically tell you that it’s almost all they can offer, things look pretty bleak.

Even for ADHD treatment in my area, there’s still not much help there either. Only 2 psychiatrists in my area that I could find so far deals with adults with ADHD, but they’re are booked out for months and don’t even take my insurance. I can’t even afford to pay out of pocket. The rest only deal with kids and teens. It’s very disheartening. Even to this day I can’t talk with my family about this, they get irritated and don’t understand.

I try to avoid taking medications as much as possible. Both from the bad luck with bad effects, reactions and also having an addicts mind. (Reformed alcoholic here.) Even pain meds or my asthma meds, I don't like taking those unless it’s absolutely necessary as I am very medication sensitive. Heck, pediazole sent me into anaphylactic shock and I had to be rushed to the ER, I was 5 at the time. It was a childrens ear infection medication that was mild and deemed safe. I damn near died.

I did take DBT classes years ago, but don't remember anything other than that I took the classes. I have a therapist that I do talk with once a week and have looked into CBT, but they are booked out for months and there is a huge waiting list. Getting psychiatric help around here really sucks when you are on federal insurance. I do have a social worker and an ARMHS worker that kind of help, but that’s about it.

Is there anything else that you can suggest?

See if there is a neurofeedback practitioner in your area ... some people have really good success with neurofeedback ... I'm also thinking you have some serious anxiety that might be getting in the way of treatment ... sounds like you get a side effect and you flip out. I have that pattern on some things, but not with meds. The problem is the anxiety-flipping out makes everything worse.

Don't be afraid to redo DBT ... and find an anxiety specialist ... thanks for your longer answer ... sorry you haven't been able to find a treatment that you like.

I'm from the opposite school of you. I have seen all kinds of people not get treated who then got treated and their lives improved a thousand percent.

sunwolf profile image
sunwolf in reply to Gettingittogether

I'm the opposite. Came from a family that you don't talk about mental health problems and have a dim view of psychiatric help. Ones who didn't want you to get help because you'll be labeled. I still don't have any support from them. So I've been flying solo trying to get help. Went to get tested for ADHD only to be told that there was no real treatment even though I was diagnosed. They viewed it as too late for an adult. There is hardly any help now still where I live. The autism centers around me only work with kids up to the age of 21.

As for the side effects, I found out later that those ones I listed at least for Celexa and Wellbutrin are well known major side effects. They happened to me. Stuff that I wasn't told at the outset. All of them that the doctors gave me were for both depression and anxiety. Most doctors don't like to talk about those because the pills do help so many, but there are ones like me that are treatment resistant, or make you worse. Otherwise the doctors just throw up their hands because all they can suggest is more pills or try the legal version of street drugs. The best that I can do is either meditation, exercise, talk with my therapist or white knuckle it.

Tramcar profile image
Tramcar

Possibly the anxiety and depression are a side effect of ADHD? I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and the medication has helped with my anxiety also. I wouldn’t rule out ADHD medication because you had a bad experience with medication for another issues. You can try and stop the medication if it isn’t right for you.

sunwolf profile image
sunwolf in reply to Tramcar

It is a part of it. The thing is with medications I am pill sensitive and I didn't just have A bad reaction, I had bad reactions with multiple medications. I gave meds quite a few chances and they all went badly. It's something I'm not willing to go through again.

Anxiety and depression seem to accompany ADHD. That's in addition to ADHD causing all kinds of problems and stress ....

Bottom line: for many of us, we have to treat the anxiety/depression AND the ADHD. But you can run the experiment and see if treating the ADHD helps with anxiety and depression.

I got treated with depression first ... and there is definite family history of depression, so I don't think my ADHD caused my depression, though ADHD certainly made life harder.

additudemag.com/when-its-no...

GatsbyCat profile image
GatsbyCat

Hey Sunwolf~

Sorry to hear about these issues.

I also have PTSD, anxiety along with my ADHD. So, if you get a good counselor, it can really help. (And I take Focalin xR and Paroxetine)

There's a website that I do recommend called:

Betterhelp.com

They'll match you with a counselor that you can get started with. BTW, you can also change if for whatever reason you just don't "click" with them. Communication is up to you: text, video, email, phone etc. You can also decide how many sessions you want/need. AND, they can work with you on a sliding scale.

A couple of books i like are:

Taking charge of ADHD by Russell A Barkely (Get 2nd edition w/Chrisine Benton)

Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell MD

Good luck on this journey of life!

Best wishes,

GatsbyTheCat

🙂

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