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adhd and wine

Emsil21 profile image
33 Replies

I’m recently diagnosed, 7 months, Iv tried lots of meds already only success was vyanase (elvanase in the U.K.) I gave it up due to find side effects to much but I’m now trying it again, I’m quite a successful person I like to think but I defo have that mummy wine habit firmly entangled into my evenings, has anyone got any advice or even noticed vyanase help with the need to want a glass of wine at the end of the day at all? I’d love to approach an evening not wanting it but I find I’m just bored not knowing what to do with myself?

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Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21
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33 Replies
chlote profile image
chlote

Hi Emily!

I also have had that urge to have a drink after a day of being on Vyvanse. For me, having a drink at the end of the day helped me to come down from any stress or anxiety I was facing. It helps me to relax but I am slowly trying to limit myself to 1-2 drinks per week.

Maybe having designated days to have a drink could help? like on a friday night, that'll be wine time. Or saturday, or any day that works for you! There are non alcoholic cocktails out there that have health benefits (which are also very delicious). If you want the name of some of these different non alcoholic drinks, let me know!

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to chlote

that’s a good idea and with the help of vyanase I might be able to tackle it in a more structured way 🤞 where as before I just am all or nothing, although lately naturally I’m drinking as often but quantities have been less, so hopefully I can capitalise on that! Thank you for offer on cocktails but it’s the effect more than the taste unfortunately for me! How are you getting on with vyanase I didn’t know this forum existed so handy to have!

chlote profile image
chlote in reply to Emsil21

I totally get it! The feeling of having a drink is way better than the taste sometimes (I learned that from bartending for 10 years!)

I was taking Vyvanse about 2-3 times a week while I was in Graduate School getting my Masters in Special Education. I didn't like taking it every day so I developed a system where I took it as needed!

It usually gives me a headache if I don't drink enough water or stare at a screen for too long, but other than that its a great mood stabilizer and helps me to complete my day to say tasks when I do take it!

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to chlote

I didn’t know you could take it part time kinda thing, I thought today was a silly day to start as I had nothing to do as on annual leave - interesting to dip in and out with it! Do you find you feel stable on days without or crash? What does do you take? Congrats on your masters

chlote profile image
chlote in reply to Emsil21

Yeah you can take it really any time you feel that you need it! It depends on your work load and how much you need to accomplish in your day. I'm currently taking 10mg which is the lowest dosage you can get. I don't really have too much of a crash on days I don't take it but sometimes I do wake up with grogginess if I don't want my meds again the next day. It really depends on your dosage and how your body reacts to the medication!

STEM_Dad profile image
STEM_Dad in reply to chlote

My parents reduced their wine (and other alcohol beverage) consumption from a few times per week to just Saturday evening. My dad refers to this now-weekly indulgence as his "Saturday night special".

(Although neither of my parents was ever an alcoholic, but had increased consumption after retiring. They realized the initial once or twice a week with dinner became almost nightly. When my grandma came to live with them, they realized how often they were drinking a glass of wine, and changed to once a week and sometimes for holiday meals.)

ADDandMe profile image
ADDandMe

Hi there,

I’m not on meds yet but completely understand the need to ‘drink for effect’. I LOVED wine. It was my drink of choice. Mummy wine was definitely a thing for me - kids down to bed = open the bottle. It took years for me to get to the point where I recognised it wasn’t a good pattern in my life. In fact it was during the second covid lockdown I really saw it for what it was. An escape. I was self medicating years of trauma and undiagnosed ADHD. I read Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck, joined the I Am Sober App to count my alcohol free streak and started to learn about why I drank. Read loads of quit literature (Gabor Mate: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close encounters with Addiction, Catherine Gray: The Joy of Being Sober, Annie Grace: This Naked Mind). I immersed myself in this and I’m now 2 1/2 years free from the bind of alcohol.

People with ADHD have a much higher risk factor for addiction and dependence on alcohol. I’ve looked into it a lot. Trauma also drives us to self soothe. I had unavailable parents in my childhood and when I discovered alcohol at the age of 13, I developed a pattern of weekend escapism which continued into adulthood. I never saw my drinking for what it was as it was so socially acceptable. Now I cringe at the amount of greeting cards that are based around the gin and Prosecco drinking culture. Alcohol turned me into a substandard parent. I just ‘checked out’ at 6pm or 7pm on weekends. But then my children grew up and started staying up later. My 14 year old daughter had a few evenings of getting anxious and upset when she saw the pattern repeating and I thankfully was able to see I had a choice about what kind of person I wanted to be in her life (and in mine).

I understand that my choice might seem severe to some - but this really did take years of work to get to this point. My first dry January was 13 years ago and after that I had a sober stint for about 6 months when I returned to study as a mature student. This attempt failed, as it was totally based on white knuckling through abstaining - I felt that I was depriving myself and used sheer willpower to get through. Things clicked this time because I was ready to take a cold hard look at myself and see alcohol as the problem - not me. By learning the truth about alcohol, the mass marketing and social enabling that goes on, by unpicking the roots of my drinking and how I was using it to escape uncomfortable emotions and, since recognising my ADHD, as a way of quietening my mind, I was able to stop.

Also key in all of this is envisioning what kind of life I actually wanted. What did the best version of me look like, what kinds of things do they do (if they’re not drinking). How do they deal with stress, upset, celebrations and boredom if they’re not drinking? 🤔 You see, alcohol fills all number of voids. I came to understand it to be a sticking plaster - a one size fits all - kind of temporary fix, that actually doesn’t fix anything. I want to be productive, lead a life full of experiences, connection and feel comfortable and at peace in my own skin. I want to be a positive role model for my children, to show them the importance of looking after my body and mind, the importance of nurturing my relationship with myself and others. Alcohol only shrank my world, sobriety expands it. I feel younger, more curious and less anxious without alcohol. My average resting heart rate has dropped my 4 beats per minute for the last 2 and a half years… that’s a whole lot less stress on my body!! My sleep is better, I perform better at work. I have also looked at ways to deal with stress etc. it’s taken a while - like learning to ride a bike without stabilisers but trusting the process, staying curious and understanding that alcohol is not the answer helps.

I’m yet to start meds … hopefully after my psych appointment next week. But overall I feel more grounded without alcohol in my life. The benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.

TurquoiseSunrise profile image
TurquoiseSunrise in reply to ADDandMe

Thank you for this post!

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to ADDandMe

thank you so much for your post I too have joined sober me about 3 years ago 🤦‍♀️ I go from passionately wanting to not drink to 3 days later forgetting I felt like that, in my adult life the longest stint of not drinking was pregnancy and 8 months of breast feeding and I didn’t miss it I didn’t even think about it, I went back to work and slipped into old habits, I understand the dangers of alcohol especially mixed with stimulants but it’s like I stick my head in the sand, what stuck out the most to you to really make you quit, did you reduce or cut it out completely to start with, I had 2 glasses of wine last night even tho I told myself I wouldn’t as was starting my meds again - I know this is slightly off topic of adhd but I’m guessing that reckless decision making is part of it! I say reckless as this is 15years of daily wine not getting drunk but constant throughout my adult life and i frustrate myself by not curbing it, I was hoping vyvanase might be the thing that finally helps me crack this habit, also my friend who first suggest I investigate a adhd diagnosis mentioned trauma , and I completely got defensive I don’t really remember being a child under 12 but I also don’t remember anything bad at that age, interesting you mention it tho.

ADDandMe profile image
ADDandMe in reply to Emsil21

My drinking has peaked and troughed over the years. Sometimes a few glasses, others a whole bottle and a bit of a binge. Mostly what people call ‘grey area drinking’.

I did dry January first. I think it’s really important to start very small and build from there. ‘I will not drink today’ kind of thing. Just zoom in on what exactly is going on in that moment. That said, a big part of drinking is subconscious though - I saw a hypnotist (Sam Luxford in Aberdeen, UK) and she was very good and explained it all to me. I saw her about 6 months before actually stopping. It’s all about creating a shift in your mindset. It took me a long time to feel strong in my sobriety but really digging into the truth about what alcohol does helped me loads. My husbands friend was on another level with his drinking and he phoned us one day saying he was bleeding from his nose/ mouth etc as he was bleeding internally. This really turned me and brought home how damaging alcohol is for the body and how ingesting it over time begins to cause damage to every organ. I started to use this aversion to help me by watching horrible videos of end stage liver disease and the lengths people would go to to drink. I thought to myself - how on earth can anyone expect a full blown alcoholic to come to their senses and not drink, if we, social drinkers, cannot ditch it. That was a major turning point for me. Sorry for the graphic nature of this, but sadly we’re sold the idea that drinking is attractive, relaxing and life enhancing - when the truth could not be further away. We even dupe ourselves. So it’s about re-educating and relearning with our eyes open.

I was ‘sober curious’ for a while and just threw everything at it. I did dry January, then sober spring, then 100 days. Then I aimed for a year. Then 2 and now it’s my lifestyle.

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to ADDandMe

this is so helpful it wouldn’t have crossed my mind to watch graphic videos but I’m such a visual person, knowing something is bad is not the same as seeing it for myself, I will certainly give that a shout, did your friend recover? Thank you again for your story it is motivating to know people who can get to a better place with it, and I really do hope videos will be the reality check to make it sink in for me

ADDandMe profile image
ADDandMe in reply to Emsil21

Rain in my heart is one such documentary. The Wisdom of Trauma is a documentary that can be accessed for free online too. If worst case scenario works for you - Gabor Mate’s In The realm of Hungry Ghosts books is similar.

no, sadly he died. Aged 49 with a 17 year old son who didn’t want to see him lying jaundiced in hospital 😞 he was the kindest gentlest human - a beautiful lost soul. My sobriety is partly in his memory.

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to ADDandMe

oh I am so sorry for your loss! And I admire you for the strength you have had to make those changes! Thank you the suggestions I will take a look

Bella1ADHD profile image
Bella1ADHD in reply to ADDandMe

Welll done and well written!

JCV6 profile image
JCV6 in reply to ADDandMe

You have such a gift for expressing yourself eloquently. You’ve made excellent and thoughtful points. Thanks for sharing!

Zara_s profile image
Zara_s

Hi, I was previously on 50mg vyvanse (I’m not on anything atm as changing doctors, long story) and found that my desire to drink mostly disappeared. I have struggled with a nightly wine habit since my 20’s so I understand. I would have up to a bottle and was still fully functioning etc but I definitely prefer not having anything at all.

I’m not sure what dose you’re on but I hope that helps a bit. For me it appears to be due to a chemical imbalance, which adhd medication fixes. Really looking forward to being back on my medication as life is so much harder without it.

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to Zara_s

this is exactly what I was hoping to hear thank you! I’m on 30mg this week then up to 50mg next weds 🤞 I hope you get your medication soon, it’s bitter sweet as it is great but now without I feel inadequate at life and work, which isn’t a nice feeling

Zara_s profile image
Zara_s

Hey, I can 100% relate to this. Without my meds I’m easily frustrated and overwhelmed, my place is a mess, I can’t focus/concentrate properly and yeah… the wine lol. If you’re committed to stopping, just stay mindful and it should happen for you too hopefully. It was quite gradual, over the period of a few weeks, as the dose was increased. I took my meds daily. Stick with it and track your cravings. Best of luck to you. Take care

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to Zara_s

sorry Zara one more questions it took a few weeks to quit? I always read meds act straight away but do you feel it took time for them to impact the wine drinking, like the vyvanase built up in your systems and that made your cravings reduce! Yes I’m incredibly lazy of tablets i just need to sleep and feel tired all the time and quite teary actually

Zara_s profile image
Zara_s

Wow yes exactly, I’m always tearful, really bad fatigue during the day or through the roof excitement (if I’m around others). Yes, it took time for the cravings to subside.. a few weeks, maybe because my dose was being titrated. I also didn’t believe it at first as was unexpected. then after a bit I accepted that the cravings had gone and this was due to the medication.

Zara_s profile image
Zara_s

Be nice to stay in touch if you fancy it btw. I’m based in Manchester and I’m 38. It’s nice to chat/connect with others who understand 🙂

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to Zara_s

I would love that I’m 36 In Norfolk - so only a few hundred miles apart 🤣 my husbands family are from Manchester, ok maybe I need to take the approach of not fretting, it’s a bit like dieting the more you think about a diet the hungrier you are! We’re you diagnosed as a adult? I actually had a friend who’s sons autistic so she did a masters in neurodivergence tell me she thinks I have it on a night out, and low and behold I did, I wouldn’t say I noticed it at school but late teens - early twenties I was simply mad and chasing the highs in life, dropped out of uni, never wanted a relationship looking back it’s so clear I was wired differently, I was never content to do normal things everything was boring (kinda still is)

Zara_s profile image
Zara_s in reply to Emsil21

Hey :) sorry, was writing an essay yesterday then forgot to reply. Doh.

I only got diagnosed a few months ago privately but I work in mental health and studying to be a mental health nurse so was aware. Also waiting on an autism assessment lol. It all came out during my degree as was struggling to cope (juggling work and uni has been tricky to say the least). Haha I like your story, thanks for sharing… it’s quite relatable! 😅

Aw that’s cool, well if you and your husband are ever up north give me a shout. The diet analogy is probably correct; just try to relax and monitor how things go (however I’m aware that this is easier said than done).

That’s good that you noticed at such a young age, I only realised when all the info came out about females/masking etc.

Hope you’re having a nice morning :)

emiL1234 profile image
emiL1234

Concerta makes me not want to drink alcohol. So maybe Vyvanse would help as well. But effects are different for everr human.

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to emiL1234

concerta made me incredibly tired, ravounsly hungry , impulsive etc etc I seem to be in that small percent where that type of stimulant doesn’t work on me, tried Ritalin and medikat too - annoying but only vyvanase and amfexa work but amfexa is far to expensive and not as affective as vyvanase I found, I’m glad concerta has helped you 😊

emiL1234 profile image
emiL1234 in reply to emiL1234

It has not helped me!!!

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to emiL1234

oh no sorry I mistook the stopping drinking as meaning you’ve had a positive experience

STEM_Dad profile image
STEM_Dad

It may be a matter of replacing the habit with another. You mention boredom, so maybe come up with a list of things you would like to do.

How do you see yourself? What do you imagine yourself doing? What do you like to do?

For similarity, maybe replace wine with juice spritzers.

For activity (such as if you drink socially), maybe replace wine with social games (e.g. card games) and sharing an interesting snack.

Or, schedule time to do a hobby of yours (or that you've been meaning to take up).

-----

I also need to change a pleasurable habit...

My current vice is that I took up playing videogames to play with my kids more...and now I play the games every day, even though I only have time with my kids half the week. But I'd really want and need to do other things with me time (e.g. keep my house more clean, do more writing and blogging, take an online class).

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to STEM_Dad

this is really interesting it’s like we struggle with moderation no matter what when I was a teenager I wouldn’t eat or I would eat non stop there was never a balance, same with soft drinks, even ribena I would drink nothing else for phases, very weird inability to enjoy things in moderation, good luck with gaming control 🤞

STEM_Dad profile image
STEM_Dad in reply to Emsil21

It's a very common experience with ADHD.

I tend to cycle between interests. I'll dive into one for a while, then the next, then another, then back to the first again, then pick up a new interest, then back to an older one, etc.

But like your said, it's hard to do anything in moderation. Each interest becomes my focus for hours or days or weeks or months.

STEM_Dad profile image
STEM_Dad

You might also be reacting to when the Vyvanse is winding down and leaving your system. Stimulant medications help to increase executive functioning capabilities, but stimulant medications wear off.

This can result in some people having more executive functioning struggles at the end of the day. That includes possibly reduced decision making capacity. When it gets harder to decide what to do, then going when "the usual" by default just seems "easier".

* Strategy: make decisions while your meds are helping you (like evening making plans with friends, or pick out a movie to watch with someone), so that you will be less tempted to take that glass of wine as your default evening activity.

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21 in reply to STEM_Dad

great idea I actually don’t find I want to drink with friends it’s a boring evening thing, but you are totally right I need distractions, Iv planned to do the food shop after work rather than online tomorrow, got company at the weekend too so hopefully I can control myself , thank you for your messages x

Emsil21 profile image
Emsil21

I think I’m on day 9 now, this evening I poured a glass of wine then didn’t touch and had a lemon squash…. Iv also spent the last three days looking into vitamins to help me feel better, b vits, cod liver oil, Maca powder. It’s like Iv suddenly decided I want to feel just all over physically and mentally better, very interesting.

In terms of adhd Iv def got focus but not tons but I’m in the last two weeks of my job before starting another so maybe it’s naturally to not be so invested.

My sleep is awful. I can fall asleep but I wake up a lot which is annoying.

How’s everyone else this week?

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