Not diagnosed but almost

[AlmostAdhd]

Hi guys, quick question. I always felt like I didn't function like everybody else. And I kept hearing words like: lazy, annoying, oversharing, "bit much", interrupting, unable to focus, never finishing anything, short impulses

Just few months ago I started researching if it was just me or there were others like me, I am 29 and even though I am not diagnosed I relate to so Many things that people with ADHD say.

Question is: it might take time to get diagnosed. How can you make your loved ones understand you are not like this because you want to annoy them or hurt them but because your brain just functions differently and you can't make things work the same way they work for them.

Thanks for the advice

[daverussell]

I'm also awaiting a diagnosis and I'm 48 yrs old. My wife of 10 yrs, who is a Special Educational Needs lead said she always suspected I was. I've joked about for years, especially since I became a teacher in my 40s, saying "I'm sure if I was a child I would have been diagnosed with ADHD." That was more of a dig at the high number of ADHD student I've noticed in schools (here in the UK at least). Although I've always though myself different, I put my weaknesses down to just not being very good at stuff and needing more time to learn or understand. Aside from that I put poor listening skills down to mild hearing loss/poor hearing since I was young. Even during teacher training, I wasn't really informed how complex it is.We're probably making more of a big deal than what it is or appears to others. Ironically, which is part of who we are.

I'm in the UK and recently posted on here to ask whether I should declare ADHD to HR before diagnosis (I know it does work like that but I'm on the waiting list). I've already mentioned to my boss that I'm waiting for assesment and he has been supportive. So on balance I'll wait.

My struggle at work at the moment is finding what works and what doesn't, but without a diagnosis it's difficult. I don't want to tell all my colleagues, as if I'm making excuses. It depends on the

I've found helpful is focusing on traits that are my strengths. Oddly traits, or learnt behaviours that help me cope, that I thought they ruled out ADHD - such as hyperfocus and maybe my distractions, were not because I was bored but rather I would care about the quality of my work - of course, it meat I could never finish anything or midd completing the urgent task.

Learnt strategies are that I've made extensive use of the calendar on my phone and an app called Trello. I'm especially tidy and fixated on routines (or finding procedures) to keep thing organised around me.

I don't know of I'm ADHD yet!

Good luck.

[kshapiro]

I'm 37 years old and I've been diagnosed since I was 12. I have given up on trying to make anyone "understand". You may be able to force certain institutions such as workplaces and schools to provide accommodations, once you officially have a diagnosis, but you can't make individuals understand. You can communicate your needs but it's up to them to understand or not, and they probably won't. I think it's just very hard for anyone to wrap their heads around how another person experiences the world differently.

I believe this because for decades I tried to get my mom to understand that some things were very difficult for me and that's why I struggled with them. My mom could not conceive of this. She still called me lazy, obstinate, contrary, weird, dirty, etc. Then, a couple years ago, my mom was diagnosed with ADHD. You might think, oh she has the same diagnosis, so of all people, she should have understood. But I think the fact that she had some of the same struggles, and overcame them to become very successful, just made her more certain that I was deliberately not putting the work in. I think my difficulties may be different or greater than hers - I have some autistic traits that I inherited from my dad as well as the ADHD I inherited from her - but how do you quantify and communicate that? I don't know.

If you have ADHD, one or both of your parents, or even your grandparents, may as well. It's a very heritable condition.

Anyway, I think it's way more useful to put that energy of trying to get others to understand into other places. What does it matter if they understand? Like when I had a lot of conflict with my mom over not doing the dishes, it was more fruitful to search for some coping methods that helped me do the dishes than to make her understand why it was so difficult to do them. We worked out some compromises with timing and who does what chores on what days. Maybe she'll never appreciate the struggle I go through and the energy I have to put into doing certain chores, but then I'm sure she's had many struggles that I will never understand. The important thing is that we figured out how to live with each other...

And I think the fact that I put effort into finding those compromises showed, by actions not words, that I wasn't deliberately being annoying or whatever. You can say "I'm not trying to hurt you" until you're blue in the face - it's more meaningful to the other person if you do something about it, even if it's not perfect.

[Girl_Who_Misses_Much]

”I kept hearing words like: lazy, annoying, oversharing, ‘bit much’, interrupting, unable to focus, never finishing anything, short impulse”

YES, GIRL!!! I have heard all of those things my entire life! I think I was so good at masking what I thought was “wrong with me” that when I went to specialist assessments (1st at 18 years old, 2nd at 29 years), they said I didn’t have ADHD. I was shocked both times!

It wasn’t until I was with the same mental health provider for almost a decade that I received an official diagnosis. She was able to look at my history and recurring thoughts/behaviors over time, which painted a clear picture—I have and have ALWAYS had ADHD. I just didn’t “check the right boxes” on their tests.

I’ve been hearing “She has so much potential” for as long as I can remember. Looking back at my life, I wonder how different it might've been if I’d received my diagnosis at that first assessment 25 years ago. It honestly breaks my heart because I really did have tons of potential and my life is currently FAR from the one I’d hoped for. 😔

Diagnosis or not, I’d guess that you found this forum for a reason and can identify with many who DO have an official diagnosis. That speaks volumes, imho. I’d suggest reading articles from ADDitude Magazine online. I’ve learned SO much about myself and sharing specific articles with my loved ones has been a game changer for me. I feel less judgment and more compassion from them now. They have more patience with me and see my “weird life hacks,” perfectionism, and other neurodivergent behaviors as coping mechanisms instead of flaws. GAME CHANGER!! 🙌🏻

I hope this helps you too! 💜

additudemag.com/