New here. General greeting.

[WriterRLJ]

I'm a 72-year-old retired man. As a student, I knew I was smart enough, but I was forever losing my assignments and textbooks, forgetting when stuff was due, and so on. I was a constant disappointment to parents and teachers, and (probably most damaging) myself. I started each school year with big plans for THIS YEAR BEING DIFFERENT, but the old rhythms immediately kicked in, and the misery continued. There was no such thing then as ADHD, of course, and I agreed with outside assessments that I was lazy, just wasn't "trying," etc. I became the class clown, because getting a laugh was better than nothing.

I led a generally successful professional life, and I was happiest when surrounding myself with people who knew my strengths and weaknesses and accepted me as I was.

My question? The self-loathing. If I'm not busy and accomplishing (household tasks, hobbies), I can't stand myself. Anybody else?

[Gettingittogether]

Sure ... a common problem ... and not just a problem for people with ADHD. Most of us do better when we have structure and are out in the world, doing cool things. A lot of retired folks struggle with this.

And self-loathing in general is a common ADHD side effect, which is why I recommend people with get serious therapy in addition to medical treatment.

Are you being treated at all?

Structure is important for people with ADHD. We can't have too much and too rigid a structure--that drives us nuts. On the other hand, rigid structure is better than no structure in my experience. The challenge is creating that structure ourselves as opposed to having a job impose that structure. Treatment helps with creating structure and following some structure.

[Winkibink]

Agree. Self loathing for being "lazy"

[Gettingittogether in reply to Winkibink]

Self-loathing for missing deadlines, not being able to fill out forms ... misplacing things ... struggling on the job ... on and on ...

[Hominid711]

I have a feeling there is more to that or else it's not so bad since despite self-loathing you functioned well enough to say you were successful. Try to recall moments you weren't having self-doubts. When you felt the opposite. What was different? Just the fact you were occupied or perhaps a bit more than that? I would think it helped when other people were around. Are you doing anything social now? Tell us a bit more about yourself.

And I agree with Gettingit.

Medication and psychotherapy.

Good luck!

[Judi1234]

Interested in starting a zoom group online for seniors with ADD?

[Flip-Turn in reply to Judi1234]

Yes

[painedout]

iI'm going to take a guess here,so forgive me if I'm wrong.Like so many of us,you were given lifelong messagesmessages,verbal or non-verbal non-verbal,thtthat just being you was not enough.You learned to get approval you had to perform.So when you're being productive you feel okay about yourself,but YYouYouthat Youthere Youwas Yousomething Youfundamentally ''wrong' Youthat Youhad Youto Yoube Youcompensated Youfor YouYouy Youtrying Youhardertryiby harderYouYouwhen you are not busy,the old buried feelings of ''not good enough' surfacesurface,like it's not enough to just be you.Speaking from experience here YYouYousuppressing Youyour Youreal Youself Youand Youpresenting Youan Youacceptable face Youto Youthose Youaround Youyoyou.YouYouI found it took a lot ofstruggled with feelings of self-loathing my whole life,but since realising I have have ADHD and autism,I'm learning that I'm not the unacceptperson unacceptableperson Beeunacceptablepersonbeen told I am,I'm just a unique individual with certain difficulties that are not my fault.But the things I can control are the things that mattermatter.Like kindness,decency,empathy,etc.If you are a good person with decent values,then you're good enough,actually that makes you better than a lot of people in the world,including some of those who may look down on us when we struggleI have post-it notes stuck around my home that say You are Enough!They help to rewire my brain from 5years of beingmessages that told me I wasn't enough.I hope this helps LikeGrowing Likeup Likewith Likeundiagnosed LikeADHD,Litoot

[Judi1234]

Yes. I have worked for years on accepting myself with no real improvement. Being diagnosed with ADD recently, I understand why I have had such a hard time liking myself.I don't see that this will improve, and I just have to accept my feelings. The right words and practices are in my head, but they don't take a hold on my emotions.

I am reading THE DRUMMER AND THE GREAT MOUNTAIN and doing the DBT workbook but with not much success. I will be starting Ritalin tomorrow. 🤞