Experience with discernment therapy?

[Southpaw]

For five years my partner and I have been locked in the same struggle related to his ADHD symptoms (I have ADHD too, btw). Essentially, he has put off or blown off therapy, so he is not addressing time blindness, hyperfocus, forgetfulness, procrastination (this last one explains the others). Couple's therapy has failed because he won't engage.

I'm wondering if any of you have tried discernment therapy to see if divorce or other options are the way to go. I'm wondering if that is worthwhile at all.

[Macweb3000]

Hi Southpaw,

First off I feel for your situation. My wife and I have ADHD together and it can be a struggle. Couples therapy helped us see that our relationship is 100/100 and that to better the “WE” you must better the “I”. I do not know you or your partner so I will try not to make any assumptions.

If your partner is unwilling to do therapy or engage there is something they are running from and it could be shame for something. The best thing is to communicate and open your heart tell them how much this is hurting you and how you want this to work. There is nothing stronger than laying out your feelings and your perception to the person you live. Now with that said you deserve love, respect, attention, and a partner that puts aside their issues to work on the two of you. If they are unwilling to open up then I say it’s time to move on.

Discernment therapy just sounds like you’re already contemplating and maki g peace with divorce. However studies show that couples that stay together and work things out are just as happy as if they had split up. This is a nice thought but ultimately this is your choice and no one can make this decision for you. My heart aches for your situation as I can only imagine the hurt you’re in but we are all here for you if you need to talk.

To sum it up I don’t think the therapy will really help if they are unwilling ti engage anyway. To me that just screams they have checked out but also could be hiding some deep seated negative emotions that could take the love of a partner to help them through. If your partner is not teaching you how to communicate with them then I think you know you deserve better.

Be honest and lay the cards out in the table. Having difficult discussions is really hard but it cuts through the BS and you’ll be set free no matter what. Let me know if you want to talk 🙂

[LateBlumer]

my husband joined ADDA Interacting with HIS PEERS eventually showed him he need to engage and to also evaluate his responses or lack of them - just by sharing all hier stories as buddies. There are a LOT of good resources with add.org and is inexpensive to join per month or per year ($5 or $50/year). AND he was recommended to read This Is How your Marriage Ends. It opened his eyes in a way nothing else has. Look at both for him.

[Gettingittogether]

Adult ADHD support groups are hard to find. I was extremely lucky that shortly after I got diagnosed, I found such a group. Actually it was an adult and teenage group, which worked quite well. I learnd a lot from high schoolers. But ironically this group was run by a mother of one of the teenagers. She's the one who pushed it through--ironic of course because organizing groups isn't exactly a strength that ADHD people typically have.

This is a group online that seems to run the most support groups of any group or site I've seen. These are virtual meetings, but hey, virtual can work.

add.org/adda-virtual-programs/