Working on getting a diagnosis

[CarpentHER]

I'm 37 and just finished reading "The ADHD effect on Marriage," it punched me in the gut. I have been "working towards" (not really) getting help for a while - but reading this book hit me so hard. My first marriage failed and I started to notice that similar behaviors and issues were coming up again in my current new relationship. This book outlined everything that was wrong with my marriage... and I am so mad about it. We were in counseling and the counselor didn't see my issues, I'm trying not to hold on to that, but its hard. I've had issues with alcohol and saw a therapist after I stopped drinking, and they didn't see anything else underlying. I feel seen in this book, for the first time. I don't want my current relationship to fail... and I feel for my ex and all the pain I caused her because I didn't know.

I guess what I am trying to say in all of this is that I feel motivated to get on top of managing my issues to mitigate future issues. I am harboring resentment for previous professionals who didn't "see me" and my mother who, when I told her about my reading said "Oh, I've always thought you had an attention issue...." I feel so much guilt and shame for what I put my ex through and feel like some of the information I'm learning is to little to late. They say better late than never... but I'm struggling with the silver lining.

Thanks for reading <3

[New-Diagnosis]

Hi, CarpentHER. Sorry for all you are going through! It's hard not to have regrets and "what ifs." You sound ready to make changes, though, and that is going to turn your life around. Wishing you the best!

[Messi2022]

the book u read by orlov is amazing and I encourage you to sign up to her classes. She also talks in them to the non add partner so they con better understand you and work w you. I am going through the same parent/child dynamic, she does all the life planning and execution of it I do the daily stuff and kids. Is not working for her so will get an executive functioning coach. Regardless of my issues try to both attend orlov classes, hopefully she isn't done w ur add and still has room for understanding, learning and adjust to this.

good luck!

[Hard2ThinkofUserName]

Try to keep in mind there is a grieving process that comes into play with ADHD. Be gentle with yourself, we can only do better then we did yesterday with knowing what we know now.