Coping with ADHD, depression and anxiety

[Knowingme]

Hi everyone been reading allot of your posts trying to find answers....so I thought I would write my story for my 1st post.

I was diagnosed with combined ADHD back in November at the age of 45.....this is something I never really knew I had as I just thought it was my personality. My diagnosis came from me going back and forth to my gp as I've never been able to sleep properly as my mind will never switch off, after being prescribed every sleeping tablet under the sun with none of them working I was referred to the mental health team......this is where my journey began for me.

My 1st consultation I was prescribed medication and was used pretty much as a test subject for months, well that's what it felt like.

Sorry I'm going off track.

I'm struggling so bad with everything and now I realise I've been struggling for years and have just hid it all away continuing to wear my pretend masks to make everyone think I was just me.....this wasn't the case.

I work and work and work for 12 to 15 hours a day trying to keep going as I can't stop.....I have the worst addictive personality gambling, taking drugs,befriending people,starting new jobs and ventures....I have gone from 16stone to 13stone in 6 months from not eating properly as I don't have the time and stopped doing anything enjoyable for myself.

The worse thing is I feel worthless, a failure, don't love myself, empty inside and don't even know what love is any more.....I have kept everything inside and couldn't talk to anyone close to me as just made me feel even more of a failure and a let down.....I find helping others makes me feel better in myself so always looking to befriend to help them and help me at the same time......I also hate anyone thinking bad of me or talking about me need everyone to like me and it eats me up inside if people don't.

trying to find support and help with understanding everything is so difficult....I know there is no quick fix and solutions out there, but I just feel lost and don't know where to start to find me again.

 I had a mini break down few weeks ago and have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety aswrll as my ADHD....my wife family have been awesome and I've opened up to them more in last 3 weeks than I have in years....yes its a weight off my shoulders but I still feel the same....I start a male group in September for focus and confidence not sure if will help bit need to try everything.....that's as far as the support as gone and just stuck in a rut.

sorry for the long post

Well this is me everyone.....thanks for taking the time to listen to me

[MemphisAdhd1988]

You are not alone. Thank you for sharing and please ready my story.

[Kgnug90]

im 32 with similar diagnosis

growing up, my single mother never let me believe anything was wrong with me so i had to find ways to succeed even with my personally difficulties at the age of 14.

Prior to being diagnosed, had rocky life in work job from job no longer than 1 year inconsistent relationships with friends and family.

it wasnt til two years ago that i was diagnosed and started normal bi-weekly visits with a phycologists that helped me develop a healthier mindset on living life. from there i started medication. Vyvanse and adderall with prozac . I never like taking meds so i used them to create a structure in my life i can go by and use them on a as needed bases when im swamped in life.

Within 6 months, my life started to more consistent with job and being able to handle everything by surrounding myself with how i want to live life and be happy for myself.

have you tried vyvanse?

it helpped me emotionally until my tolerance went up and had to go to adderall

i feel with the consistency of meeting with a phycologists really helped me and should not be underlooked to find someone that will listen to you and help develop a healthier mindset and way of look at life.

Ive been in a 2 year relationship with someone whos understands me and wants to be there for me with a high paying job within the last year with people who appreciate me for my skillsets.

hope this helps

[Hidden]

Hi Knowingme. Welcome. My story is similar to yours, I was diagnosed ADHD a couple years ago at 52 and I take medication and have a therapist. I am on medical leave right now because of my ADHD, I was so overwhelmed and burnt out. No amount of medication would have helped. Like you I go all day at work and then work some more when I get home, it’s never enough and my priority list is 5 pages long and never gets shorter. As I try and finish something, I’ll get five more things. I’ve been in my career for 30 years and it wasn’t until I made a move to a new company in a different industry 4 years ago that I started having trouble. Looking back, I now know I’ve always been ADHD, just didn’t realize what it was. I too have depression and anxiety and have been down the sleeping pill and addiction path too. I quit drinking 3 years ago thinking that was the problem, didn’t fix anything except no more hangovers. Lol. I’m in the US and it’s taken the better part of 2 years to find the meds that work best, but I have to accept that things are just harder and it will take me longer to do things and that’s okay. I also have the same issue with caring too much what people think of me. Criticism is difficult to take at work, seems that’s all I get, never anything positive. I’m doing something about that right now. Try to not be so hard on yourself. We just think differently. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to, I definitely understand where your coming from, 100%!

[amy_for_real]

I understand. I was diagnosed this year at 50.

I had finally had my 12 year daughter assessed (long story, but I knew she had something neurological going on that affected sensory stuff, executive functioning, self-regulation, etc.) after distance learning was a complete disaster. I read a lot about ADHD during the assessment process and stumbled upon articles about undiagnosed ADHD.

As I was reading these articles, I was blown away. Utterly blown away. Every description was me, exactly. I just couldn't believe it. I felt relieved, I felt sad, I felt...a lot of things. In that moment I felt like "Maybe I'm not a loser." I have always been so hard on myself, so critical of my endless flaws.

Despite always wanting to do my best and succeed, I have struggled with it. I lose focus, I forget things, I cannot be organized, I always lose track of time and am late, I spend tons of time working because I just cannot figure out how to work efficiently, I'm terrible with money, I can't keep appointments, I can't remember to make appointments, I can't remember to pick up my prescription refills, I forget to tell people important things...the list goes on. And on.

You know what I heard a lot? "You are not living up to your potential."

I also have OCD, which definitely took center stage when I was a kid. Everything was focused on that, and I think there was no room to consider something like ADHD. As I got older and learned to manage my OCD, all the impacts of ADHD continued and so I was left with the feeling that I was just kind of a...natural loser.

When I was younger I was attracted to smoking and drug use. Put me in a casino and it's not long before I am hitting the ATM machine after I have spent the $40 I told myself was my limit. When I was finally able to have a child, that enabled me to detach from smoking and drugs. I was addicted to cigarettes but not drugs. I had a few year stretch a couple of years ago when I was drinking about two glasses of wine almost every night. I was able to stop doing that. The point is--I am attracted to that which gives me a dopamine boost. Sugar and carbs? They are two of my main food groups.

I'm hard on myself still. Discovering this explanation helped, and does help, but I still struggle with all the ways it affects me. Medication helps, but it doesn't make it vanish.

For me, I am really trying to learn how to create boundaries with work. Especially since I just got a new job and there is so much to learn and I am putting pressure on myself to be able to know it all right away. I'm having a hard time organizing all the new information in my head and it's stressful and I'm working too many hours.

Sorry this was so long. I think I needed to vent.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

[Knowingme in reply to amy_for_real]

Thanks for replying....I feel you totally....it's a massive struggle and trying to find coping mechanisms when ur getting older is allot harder...it's a tough journey and going to be a long slog....I don't know when I'm coming or going at the moment.....one of the hardest things is trying to explain when you don't even know what's going on yourself....it's even harder when the people your explaining to don't totally understand