ADHD + Anxiety = No Bueno :(

[Paige1997]

Honestly, I don't have anything poetic or graceful to post. I literally just joined this platform in the midst of an anxiety attack. I'm sitting in my university's library in one of the study rooms balling my eyes out. I'm just so sick of always having to over-compensate just to measure up. One of the most annoying things about this is that 9/10 I'm putting in way more effort than need be because "I'm so all or nothing". Like I can't seem to actually tell when I'm doing just enough or way too little. Also, it just always feels like a constant battle within myself. almost like the ADHD half of me is always like "yeah try hard, talk to people, be enthusiastic, etc.", but the anxiety half of me is like "oh don't try too hard, omg I just want to sit in a room by myself forever, just act normal" and whenever I fall short on any side or both, my mind just tears itself apart. Like even right now it's like my mind can't stop racing. This literally all started because I got up like an hour ago to buy a snack, but the exit was locked (closed after 5p apparently). I'm on the 3rd floor and it's my first time studying on this floor, so I just assumed that maybe I just had to use my id card to unlock it. I was standing there for 5 mins trying to figure out how to open it. Eventually, I decided to ask the two people sitting near the door (that had been staring at me the entire time) if they knew how to operate the door. Guy responds "it closes at 5p, you have to go down the stairs". Realizing that that was just too much work for a snack I probably shouldn't even be eating, I walked, embarrassed, back to my room. I couldn't get the fact that they just watched me struggle for 5 mins with something they had the answer to. It honestly really upset me because I just thought "man, had that been me, I would've said something/helped". It just reminded me of how much extra time effort I spend on stuff that really doesn't need it. I started wondering if maybe there was a sign I misread or missed completely or even some other detail that could've helped me realize sooner that I couldn't open the door and that I was wasting my time. Unable to refocus on studying (for a major exam I have on Monday, literally one that can define whether or not I remain funded for my grad program), I have just been sitting here crying silently out of fear of anyone hearing/seeing me, vigorously searching for any ADHD support groups available in my area, or any resources I can use/afford/are available to me. But this always happens. Something breaks me, I seek help, I can't find any that I can either afford, or feel like I'm actually being heard, and then I compartmentalize it all away because unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of sitting in the pain letting it all out. I have to work, I have to pass classes, I have to pay bills, I have to be a role model, I have to show up, I can't be labeled unhinged, I have to be perfect patty because it seems like that's the only time people around me know how to interact with me. I don't get to be the sad one because who else will provide the jokes/advice/shoulder to cry on. It sucks. I feel like I've tried to be transparent and open, but people just don't know what to do/it feels like they don't even try to figure it out, yet that's what's demanded from me. I'm just really sad because I feel trapped. Like I have all this "potential" and "spunk", but my careless mistakes, terrible prioritization skills, over (yet some still under) analytical nature, emotional dysregulation, won't let them shine through. It's really upsetting.

[Jjflash]

Hiya paige,I'm sorry that you're feeling like nothing you do goes right.Paige,give yourself a break,at the end of the day,you can only do your very best.You cannot do more.I have a few suggestions that'll hopefully help.Try a wellbeing site ie.insight timer,there's so many free wellbeing,adhd,anxiety type subjects that are covered in so many ways.Also paige,try 2 websites that I use daily,Livestrong and Web md.These 2 sites cover everything that concern you.Web md especially cover adult adhd a whole lot.I know you're under lots of stress but eat and sleep regular and give yourself a 5 minute break hourly to give your mind a break.Remember paige,all you can do is your best,With the 2 websites,just put in your main area of concern and take it from there.I really hope some of this works for you,also keep searching for anything else out there that can assist you.All the very best paige.

[Zuku42]

Heya Paige! I'm so sorry for all of the distress you go through and how tiresome and endless it can be. I'm headed to bed, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel like you've completely described how life is for me on many levels and I want you to know that at the very least, you're not alone in your trials and frustrations. Today is one I've had a better week so I want to remind you that things randomly fall into place instead sometimes, and in the words of good ole Jack Kerouac, "Rest and be kind, you don't have to prove anything."

[Hidden]

So sorry you’re in this position. My ADHD didn’t rear it’s head until college as well. Took me 11 years to earn my undergrad and I got lucky with a career I love. But the older I get the more the ADHD affects me. I’m medicated and that’s helped a ton. Try to not be so hard on yourself. Our brains are wired differently and as a result we must work harder to achieve the same results. Pay attention to triggers, like your mobile phone. At work I put mine in my desk so it doesn’t distract me. Talk with your doctor, get diagnosed. Meds work.

[MTA-]

The people who didn't help you with the door are dicks. That's the part that I zeroed in on, because I know that when you're feeling bad, and other people are being dicks, that can make it so much worse. That can be the beginning of a real downward spiral. The fact that they will probably not get their comeuppance feels just cosmically unfair, it just feels like the universe is so unfair. I know those spirals well. My advice there is to remember that living well is the best revenge. I first heard that in an R.E.M. song, but apparently it's a common saying.

They probably didn't mean anything malicious by it, they were probably just inconsiderate. But in the very unlikely worst case scenario, in which they didn't help because they thought you were a loser, well, they're the small-minded people who decided someone they didn't know was a loser, and you're the one that lives a good life despite what others think. Like I said, it's very unlikely that they were being malicious, but this thought process is important, because I know how easy it is to feel like the world is against you. If you can't escape the thought that they were being malicious because they think you're a loser, then living well is the best revenge.

Not that it's easy to live a good life. I don't want to diminish what you're going through by suggesting that living well is an easy solution. But give yourself a break. Living well doesn't mean having it all and succeeding all the time. If you can give yourself a break, do some self-care, and just know that you're doing your best, then that's living well is the best revenge.

I relate to that last bit you said about the effects of ADHD not allowing you to "shine through". That felt very hopeless to me. Like, as long as you have ADHD, you'll never reach that potential. That potential is just wasted because of your brain wiring. Medication put that into perspective for me. You can take the pill, and not make those silly mistakes any more, and breathe a sigh of relief that there's a solution. Unfortunately the medication doesn't last all day; but when the evening comes, and you see your concentration wane, it doesn't feel so permanent any more. What I am saying is medication helps in more ways than simply treating the condition. You feel strong and normal enough to work on the anxiety and the self-esteem issues that ADHD left you with. So, if you're not medicated, know that there's that solution to work towards.

Again, I am not saying this is easy. I had a hell of a time getting diagnosed. People struggling to get diagnosed is the narrative of this whole damn forum. But knowing specifically how diagnosis and medication would make my life better strengthened my resolve to get diagnosed.

Another thing that helped me with the lonely feeling of others not knowing what you're going through is to remember that ADHD is a neurodivergence. Other neurodivergent conditions include autism and dyslexia. Like one in five people are neurodivergent, people who know some of what you're going through are not uncommon. It might not seem that way, because the world was built for neurotypical people for neurotypical people; to fit in you have adapt to neurotypical ways, and that neurotypical world defines what 'normal' is. So, look for the outsiders and the stragglers, they're our peeps. They know what's up.

[MuddledMind]

Hello brave young heart. Breathe, you are not alone, you are not weird, you are unique and just have not quite figured out how your uniqueness can best fit into and serve the world you are in. Hang in there, take a breathe, go for a walk, reset you focus and expectations. Put a reminder on your phone/laptop to NOT COMPARE yourself to others, and remember AND be proud of how many challenges you had to overcome just to reach out today. Many of us on this platform are on this journey with you, keep failing forward one moment at a time. THAT is success, YOU'VE GOT THIS!