I told my sister that I wanted my child’s father to stop smoking cigarettes because our son is diagnosed with severe asthma and severe allergies. I got so mad and onto him about it that everyone is annoyed by me bringing it up…. Well if he listened the first time I wouldn’t have to… anyway my sister said “well how would you feel if I told you your medication was affecting your child and we told you to stop? What if we took away your Adderall?” First of all…. It was really ignorant of her to even compare. I do not abuse my aderall at all! If anything I skip days….. and cigarettes cause so many health problems to other people… not Adderall….. she doesn’t understand that my medication helps me be a more alert parent and a better more focused human being. But anyway I was so heated that she took away the whole reason why I was upset about my child’s father smoking and making him worse all the time. She just wanted to judge me on my medication…
She used my Adderall as an example of... - CHADD's Adult ADH...
She used my Adderall as an example of an addiction to cigarettes and ignored my anger towards him for smoking around our child.
Most people do not understand ADHD. They also do not understand how medication helps. The news is filled with stories and cautions about stimulants and opioids. But they never address those that require these medications to live a normal life.
Your sisters comment was made out of ignorance. Taking a prescribed medication for a diagnoised medical condition has nothing to do with smoking. Your husband smokes because he is addicted to nicotine. He also knows and/or has no other way of coping with the reasons he smokes. ie stress, anxiety, etc.
Why is everyone supporting his smoking ? Surely they know smoking is shortening his life and causing health issues for the him and those around him. Even if the damage to his health is not obvious yet. Do they smoke ? How does your husband feel about you taking Adderall. Your son's health is top priority. Even if your husband does not care about your son's health. Doesn't he care about the deductibles and co/pays he will have to pay ? There is alot of help to assist people that want to stop smoking.
If you and he are not married. That changes things a little. You need to demand he not smoke around your son. If he does, he cannot see him. If there is court ordered visitation. you might have to get a letter from his doctor and go back to court to amend his visitation.
Exactly! People don’t understand ADHD at all…. And yeah I don’t know why it’s so offensive and a touchy subject to bring up smoking when it has been proven to be very very bad for you and the people around you. I don’t live with him, we are separated now. It’s really hard for me to tell him what to do because he is very adamant on making sure I know that I can’t make him do anything. I am most definitely going to be speaking to my son’s doctor though! I am more upset with my sister/ family who sees my mental health as a joke. They think I don’t need my medication. They don’t find it necessary and makes me very upset. They don’t know me at all!
I learned a long time ago to not discuss medications with family or friends. Unless the medication is for something the person understands.
If you and he are not married and living together. you have less options on what you can demand. I am sorry your family is not backing you up. But, you only have the right to require he not smoke around your son and in your home.
Ugh. What a bad comparison. "What if we took away your glasses so that you couldn't wear them when driving?" - Um... I would likely get into an accident and it would by my fault? What does that have to do with him smoking?!?!?
You can't compare a disability you were born with, to an addiction.
I understand addictions are horrible things and very difficult to break. I won't downplay it or sugar coat it. It's not easy at all. However, no matter how hard it is, you can't compare it to ADHD medication.
It sounds like your family really doesn't understand ADHD at all. They must not notice the benefit you get from medication.
Chances are, some of your family members also experience ADHD symptoms (perhaps not as much as you do) and think it's just normal. But untreated ADHD can cause people to self-medicate (alcohol, nicotine, drugs), or engage in risky behaviors.
My dad is an example that a parent can give up smoking for the sake of their child. My younger brother was adopted. My dad was a pipe smoker. He smoked outside, but the smell of the smoke clung to his clothes. When he held my brother, who was a baby at the time, my brother would cough so much that he would gag and throw up.
My dad had a choice: keep the habit and not be able to hold his son, or give up the habit for the sake of the child.
Pipe smoking is easier to quit. The nicotine hit isn't as much. But there are so many options now to help someone who wants to quit, which didn't exist back in the early 80s. My dad had quit without any help but my mom's encouragement.
Note: Nicotine has a similar effect to Adderall, "treating" the deficiency in dopamine that many people with ADHD are effected by. For someone with ADHD who smokes, ADHD medication might make it much easier to quit. - So, if your child's father also has ADHD, and if he decides he wants to try to quit smoking, then Adderall might be his ticket to freedom from addiction. ... That would be ironic, wouldn't it.
Pity she isn't Type 1 diabetic: “How about if they took away your insulin? You're obviously too dependent on it!”
Effing ableist ignorance...
ugh! do your family members also smoke? because they are defending cigarettes pretty heavy! Maybe they interpreted your anger and pleas for your x to quit smoking as you attacking HIM personally vs you attacking cigarettes around your child. It sounds like they are interpreting your please as judging him for an addiction while u take high morale ground……
Logically we know that you treating your ADHD with a stimulant is not even in the same realm as being addicted to nicotin. cigarettes cause 1st hand, 2cnd hand, AND 3 rd hand smoke and that 2cnd n 3rd hand smoke is what adversely effects others. 3rd hand smoke is the stuff STEM talked about too- the smell on smokers breath, in their pores, on their hands clothes and hair. really unhealthy for kids.
I try to take the morality piece out of the equation all together bc everyone is addicted to something- food, sugar, caffeine, sex, tv, video gaming.. shopping etc etc. folks can get VERY defensive, VERY …when someone challenges their shitty coping skills and they feel attacked. And when people with limited communication skills feel attacked- they sometimes shoot daggers. If it wouldnt have been your ADHD it would have been something else. People throwing our ADHD in our faces to defend their own bad behavior is something alot of us ADHD’ers are familiar with. it sucks. But this isnt about your ADHD. They just dont like the way you are going about the topic of your x quitting.
Try not to lose your head n or over explain your diagnosis to them. family or not, they dont get it, and someday if they do get it- it wont be in a heated argument or when emotions are high. Or when you are justifiably calling someone out on their bad behavior.
we cant force other people to do anything at all. All you can do is keep advocating for your child rather that be thru the courts, your dr, etc etc… Maybe only talk to your x about smoking vs continuing to talk to your family about it.
I hope you have a support system outside of them. my heart goes out to your whole situation. having to deal with a smoker is my least fav thing. its maddening when people fuk with our kids and we have little power to stop it!
good luck awesome mama!❤️
Thank you! Sincerely!…. And that’s the weird thing is that no one in my family smokes. Some use to smoke and my sister takes nicotine pouches, but no one smokes cigarettes other than my ex and his family. My sister admitted her ignorance towards the dangers of 2nd and 3rd hand smoke, however….. she then confessed to me that from the outside looking in, hearing about 2nd and 3rd hand smoke sounds silly and she would understand if my ex found it silly too. At that moment I look back at these comments and look back at what my friend said and agree that this is going to be the last time I tell family anything…. Because these people will research other health controversies, they are a strong advocate for “my body my choice”, but they haven’t once touched on the dangers of smoking…. Why? It’s the number one problem in this country! Why is everyone turning the other cheek? So that no one cries and gets offended? Am I just suppose to quietly sit there and let my family support my ex while my child is increasingly getting worse? I’m not going to do that. Everyone tells me that I’m going overboard.
It seems like your sister is playing devil's advocate, albeit poorly. Obviously, comparing the ADHD medication to manage symptoms and the need of a person who is a addicted to nicotine and two totally different things. My father smoked heavily for years and it was very hard for him to quit but he eventually did. He has permanent lung damage due to this. Because of his experience of addiction to cigarettes, I think he might feel empathy to anyone with the same problem and maybe that is why it seems like your sister is defending your son's father?
I agree that your son's father should quit smoking (as I think anyone should). However, unfortunately, you can't make him do that and he may feel that he is incapable of stopping. Perhaps you could find other ways protecting your son from second hand smoke. My father smoked around us when we grew up but as he learned how second hand smoke can effect other people, he started taking cigarettes outside and there was a "no smoking in the house" rule for him and guests. My mother-in-law still smokes but only smokes in her garage. Maybe you and your ex can reach a compromise. You might even talk to your son's pediatrician and ask about guidelines regarding second hand smoke and how it worsens his condition so you can show your ex how important it is.
As for your family, I totally get how frustrating it is that they are poo-pooing your concerns for your son's health. I can see how upsetting it is considering how it is effecting your son's well-being. As people with ADHD, being upset can take us down and keep us from being able to focus the rest of our lives. I agree that you aren't going to get them to see things your way and that trying will only come at a cost to you and your emotions. I am glad you have this group and friends you can talk to who make you feel supported.
There are some people that you just don't need in your life...
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