Understanding my guilt!

[Chesu]

Hello I am looking for a little more understanding of my feelings and what’s adhd and what’s not! I wondered if anyone else fells guilt for things they can’t control! For example I gave my mums dogs pigs ear, the dog loved! But later that day the dog was sick! Not to Sick a normal amount as it actually stole my dogs too hahah but I felt so guilty like I had done something bad to the dog! It made me feel anxious inside and I wished I had not given it to her! This is an example of something I do all the time over stuff that I meant well but went wrong even if it’s not my fault! Or I cook something and it’s not so tasty soo I am sooooo sorry! It kinda annoys my family, they are so supportive of me, but they like shhhh stop being sorrry! Thanks for reading this and have a good day!

[Gettingittogether]

Sounds like the negativity and self doubt brought on by a history of untreated ADHD ... but also could stem from untreated depression and anxiety ...

Can you get to a therapist? You want to work on your own inner self-talk and that requires systematic practice. Not something cute and easy that we can easily do on our own. It helps to have guidance and deadlines and updates and evaluations ...

Also just untreated anxiety or depression leads to negative thoughts. The best benefit of antidepressants for me was that they dramatically decreased my negative inner talk. So the causation works both ways

Negativity can lead to bad mood, seriously bad moods of depression and anxiety.

Depression anxiety lead to negative thoughts, relentless negative thoughts.

[MTA-]

Yep. Def the negativity and self-foubt caused by untreated ADHD. Here's the mechanism; if you have ADHD, you'll have made a lot of careless mistakes. After a while, if you make a lot of mistakes, then everything that goes wrong is your mistake.

Now, obviously, that's not true. So, you gotta use any tool you can, NLP, CBT, a therapist, to convince yourself that you have nothing to feel guilty about. Even if you have a reputation among others fir being clumsy or careless, you need to tell yourself that that perception is unfair and untrue.

The worst part is that we are not used to backing ourselves. How do you know you didn't make the mistake if you can't remember what you did, or how you did it? When you're ADHD is treated, you'll be more confident to say 'I've done nothing wrong here'. Then the healing begins. With ADHD, treatment is only the beginning； the healing that it allows is the journey

[wtfadhd]

lol, i love your sense of humor. you are ahead of the game bc obviously you know its unrealistic to feel bad about cooking a not so tasty meal, and unrealistic to think that you purposely tried to make the dog sick. hell, if the greedy pup wouldn't of ate more treats he prob would have been fine!! its not even your dog and you feel compelled to take responsibility for a dog just acting like a dog. classic ADHD guilt.

some people avoid cooking for fear of failure, and avoid other people for fear of whatever, etc etc etc. thats not you though.

based on your post it sounds like your family is awesome and just want you to be confident. so there it is- work on your confidence. lots of us ADHD folks lack confidence for all the reasons that other members of this group wrote in their responses. its a very typical thing with ADHD. 😉❤️

[HHtheNomad]

I'm new to my ADHD diagnosis and still learning what in my life might be caused by what so I can't speak to whether the guilt has a connection or not. But I know that I also have a lot of struggles with hanging onto guilty feelings way too long and often having guilt for things that are either not my fault or not worth getting worked up about.

I recently worked my way through the book "Mind Over Mood" which is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. They have a nice section on guilt, which they combine with anger and shame, two other emotions I often struggle with. The resources specifically for these areas aren't quite as robust as their sections on anxiety and depression, but the activities they suggest throughout the book can help with any of these areas. I have found thought records to be especially helpful.

It can't replace therapy and it may not give you all the answers, but it's not a hard read and I appreciated how hands-on it was in terms of coupling their presentation of information and strategies with immediate applications and opportunities to practice.

Good luck with everything!

[FindingTheAnswers]

Yes, I understand very well. But for me I don't know how much is my ADHD, the environment I grew up in (SOMEBODY'S got to be the Bad Guy) and/or the 47 years of Bad Programing before I was diagnosed. Often my heart was in the right place, but if the response from the other person wasn't what I needed to hear or see as to how they reacted---- here comes the guilt. Or it could even be 'Was my heart in the right place?' 2nd guessing. Ruminating over it. I was wrong! I shouldn't have done that. I've embarrassed myself again. What fool I am. I'll never learn. And I still do it. RSD. When you said "what’s adhd and what’s not!" Good question. And I can't answer it. It's kinda like me asking myself, what is 'Normal'? Feelings? What are those? I still trying to figure them out and how to deal with them. They're there, but I......... I know plenty about the 'Automatic' negative ones.

Medical science and especially Mental/Emotional Health Pro's have a long way to go as to really knowing the connection Emotions and ADHD.

I told my therapist that he should put a sign above the door of his practice that says...............

"It's All About Your Emotions"...... "It's All About Your Feelings." Simple but... difficult.