Hello, I am new here. Was searching for an adult group of people with adhd. I'm 35 and my testing came out that I have adhd inattentive. First I wanted to ask if at this age should I still go to therapy or just live with it as I did for the past 35 years lol. My 4 year old daughter is very hyper hardly focused on anything and rarely makes eye contact. So my husband and I talked to a pediatric developmental consultant when she was 3 and we were told it is better to wait until she is a bit older to get a proper diagnosis. The thing is the Dr told me "but you look like you have anxiety.. try to relax a little and dont worry" assuming I'm anxious about my daughter diagnosis! And I kept thinking why did she assume that !! Fast forward fee days ago was reading about ADHD and my goodness we realized it is me ! So I did some testing and it appeared I have adhd inattentive and looking back at my life it all makes sense. And I was kind of happy cuz I never knew what was wrong with me and the first time I asked my parents to go to a therapist I remember being slapped in the face "parents used to think I'm brainwashed " anyways I was always called a tomboy cuz I'm always playing around and into sports I remember my father recording commercials for me cuz that what kept me watching TV now I realize because commercials are short and would catch my attention maybe..
Well it just I was happy at first because so many things made sense but now all of a sudden I feel grieving. So many misunderstandings happened. So many fights with family because of things I probebly wasnt paying attention to or was distracted and i hated myself because i always felt weird and everyone treated me as such . It is hard to know yourself when u have been though so much abuse and u think who you are is because if the abuse. Knowing this gave me relief but a little sad because I feel like I am trying to catch up with my younger self . This is why my mind doesnt stop thinking!!!??? After all those years!! This answered so many questions. And I feel like I've suppressed the hyper active part of my life because as women we are expected to behave a certain way like my mother used to get mad at me when I fidget or move my legs while sitting and I think growing up knowing how to manage this by joining gym and playing kickboxing have helped me. I have so many hobbies that I used to feel bad I cannot focus on one and improve myself. I remember when I started my small business I have asked myself is this something I will lose interest in soon!!! Knowing this now at 35... I know I might be dramatic but anyone felt this way? Grieving?
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Hi! I was diagnosed when I was 5 years old, but I understand the feeling. Feeling excited about something that you know you will lose interest in within minutes. I often feel just sad. The only thing in my life I haven't lost interest in is debating, and my career is basically that. I can't study with my unmedicated ADHD lately, and I can't afford meds, and I feel beforehand that the obstacles I have in my life are going to eventually make me stop doing that thing I love as well. Maybe I don't feel like grieving, but I am afraid that I will end up losing my passion for doing things, or that I will never manage to stay with something that will last me a lifetime, I don't know.
Yes. Almost all adults who get the diagnosis (and who feel the diagnosis fits) feel relief, grief, sadness, hope, regret a sense of missing out and various combinations of those.
My first thought after getting diagnosed (and feeling like the diagnosis totally fit--I too was Inattentive) was something like this: I've been pushing hard on a door for years and years and the door never opened. And now I realize I had a bad muscle in my arms ... and now I could go get equipment to help me open the door.
You're only 35--I was 46 when diagnosed. Of course it's worth therapy and treatment. Are you kidding me? To me (and this shows you how happy I am with my life these days) that's like asking if I should treat my heart disease that makes it hard to walk around. You got most of your life ahead of you. The earlier we work on ourselves the better we can minimize the impact of the condition. And in your case, you can be of help to your kid over time.
Therapy is often recommended for ADHD because we have a history of failure, a fear that we'll never progress, and old pain like the pain you're talking about. I was bummed over all the ways it was hard to be present and pay attention in relationships ... All those tasks and jobs that involved organizing my thoughts ... how hard they were to me ... suddenly made sense.
The opening door and realizing u had a bad muscle all along! That is exaaaaaa tly how it feels. Last year I was prescribed depression meds and for the first time in my life there was quietness in my mind. And my husband pointed out that I look calm, I've wondered how I look usually before the meds if I'm sitting and thinking I am calm lol he said def not calm. And I didnt even relate than to adhd my Dr thought I only have depression which I suffer from alot since I was little. But the thing is after a while of taking the antidepressants I felt like it isnt me. When u live so many years thinking this is who u r, with the meds it felt like this wasnt me. I loved the feeling I'm not gonna lie. Not having a short fuse. Being able to just sit there with nothing on my mind. Not thinking I should do a million thing in a minute. After few months I just stopped. I think maybe I need to process this more
I hear you. I too was helped by an antidepressant that calmed my mind ... only I had grown up not at all depressed, so my reaction to feeling better was, "this is THE REAL me."
So maybe therapy would work for you to deal with not being depressed on medication. I had been in enough misery for enough years, with so much focus on all the wrongs of the world and I had depressed people in my family so that I (without any medication) concluded deep in my heart that there was nothing healthy about my depression and depressive thinking and the negative thinking that stemmed from all of that.
So I came out my first and most devastating depression without meds. With lots of therapy and exercise and life changes. Later, as I felt myself struggling to stay out of depression I went on meds. But my identify was not in play.
So yeah, maybe to go therapy and probe the "didn't feel like me" feeling. Well not being depressed is NOT going to feel like being depressed or the depressed you. But there might be a particular effect of the med that you can nail down. And remember, we all have family stuff. When you're not depressed, that actually creates its own set of responsibilities to go out into the world, to take action, to identify dreams, to think ahead and on and on. And maybe you weren't used to having those responsibilities. Sometimes getting out of depression can help us see other problems that just took a back seat to depression.
Anyway, my reaction to not being depressed and being helped by meds was ... GIVE ME MORE OF THIS! ... that's why I kept going for the ADHD diagnosis. And even now, with my life so much better than before, I occasionally talk to my provider about tweaking my meds to make things better still ... and I still go to emotional support groups and did a ton of therapy.
Thank you ♥️I always felt something is "off" just never knew what . Where I've reached a point that I accepted I am just socially weird as I've been called on many occasions lol.
Atleast now I know why I might seem socially weird. But I've started a journy to improve my self a few years back to redirect my energy on something healthy " sports, arts..." instead of the unhealthy life style I had. I am so happy though to read all those posts and responses of others and feel that there are people out there I can relate to ♥️
I'm 34 and was diagnosed this year -- definitely experienced first relief, then grief -- just like you described. For me, therapy has been essential. All of these things that I hated about myself -- my absentmindedness, my disorganization, my 'weirdness' -- I am learning to appreciate from a different angle. Be gentle with yourself. This is hard, and it brings up a lot of pain. I'm rooting for you and wishing you peace.
Thank you for these words. Atleast now we can all be weird and happy about it lol instead of wondering for years why am I like this. Now it goes ooooh this is why I am the way I am . I'm so happy that therapy is working for you. That is a step I would like to take maybe later on
Yes, there's definitely a lot of grief after so many years of abuse from family and struggling with daily life. My parents also initially thought I was brainwashed and refused to get me help, then my brother presented as "traditional" adhd and he got help. Well, what could I do. At least now I have a diagnosis and I have a plan to move forward, that's all I can do for now.
Get to know yourself!! there's so much learning to catch up on, who we are after having been through so much crap, how to view the world after such a revelation, how you view people? your past present and future? far future? its definitely a wild journey.
Thanks for sharing your experience and appreciate everyone's comments. I was formally diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago at age 68 At that moment I was both relieved and felt a sense of shame. "Now, I have an official label. I always knew I was different."
I always knew, going back to grade school, I was "different." Never sitting still. Always the report card reading: "Not working to his potential." In my senior year of H.S vice principle telling me I shouldn't consider college. Ah, the joy speaking with him and stating I just had grade with my BA degree
Today, I still wear that college grad badge with pride. And then I went on to get my Master's degree.
I am 31 and was diagnosed this year as well. I definitely have had my ups and down since being diagnosed. Ups occur mostly when I am connecting the dots to some of my "quirks" to my ADHD. Then my downs come when I feel like it is such a struggle sometimes or I need to be so mindful all the time, etc. It's disheartening and I sometimes wish I did not have ADHD.
My meds doc, who I have been seeing for 4 years now and diagnosed me, was adamant about getting into therapy again as soon as I was diagnosed. She emphasized the impact this diagnosis and realization has on peoples lives and those around them. I did not take it seriously and messed up pretty badly so I am here now, working on myself and learning myself for the first time.
True the best thing about knowing you have Adhd is finally knowing about yourself and the things you do.. before I knew about it I already started a journy of meditation lots and lots of it lol I even started to study counceling to help others. It is a lot of hard work without therapy to be honest. We got this 😍♥️💪🏼
Two books I've just gotten may be of interest to you as they talk about the grief cycle. Author Sari Solden's book "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder" and workbook that might be really useful "A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD." The workbook seems to me so far (I am about halfway through) to focus a lot on processing the diagnosis etc.
Thank you I would love to read more about it. I actually wasn't familiar with Adhd except that it makes you hyper! Knowing about add and adhd deeper has really made me understand myself more
Hi. I understand. I've been there-and still there at times. Grieving- Yes. It's understandable.Also the 'Whys, What if's, etc, can literally consume your mind. Try not to go down that road.
You went to your parents with a problem or trying to figure something out and get slapped in the face for it. THAT was a terrible experience. That hurt me just reading it. Could it be one or both of your parents have the same or other issues, but were afraid to look in to it or were/are in denial?
Usually the 1st step in improving on any of life's problems, is finding out what the problem actually is. Remember this website proves you are not alone. Also, try not to beat yourself up over any of this
You are starting down a much better path than you were on before. Peace to you.
Actually now that I read some infos about adhd I think my mother has it! The only reason I wanted to know if I have it is because my daughter might have it too, she is too young for proper diagnosis as I was told. But it made me read about it and then found out I too have it. Well bow after 35 years atleast I feel I am not "weird" and I am being more accepting of myself and how I am.i stopped beating myself up for talking to much to people i hardly know 😂 man I've spent sleepless nights thinking why I talk the way I do. Atleast now I sleep in peace Thank you all really this has showed me I am not a lot and many knew about their diagnosis as adults and I am happy to be part of this community 💓
I am 36 and found out I have ADD three weeks ago when I went into a counseling appointment to talk about how I felt my handle on life was about to fall off. As you said, shock (never would have guessed in a million years), relief and then replaying your entire life looking at and thinking about how ADD was influencing various events and responses. I feel like I just got glasses and have to look back at my entire life and see it with this new view. I am still the same person but with a very different perspective. I don't know if I am grieving yet but I imagine it will come. I am glad I have my counseling plan already lined up and can start working through the tools I need to better meet my commitments and process all this. Glad I am not the only one!
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At that moment I was both relieved and felt a sense of shame. "Now, I have an official label. I always knew I was different."
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