Confused about ADHD

[agama]

Hi all. Where do I start… I have ED for … long time. Last week I found out that I have been diagnosed with ADHD by my family doctor when I was 12 but my mother didn’t agree so never took my for any appointments…my ED was left untreated too. I’m confused about this ADHD but it does make sense. I feel like a weirdo… my verbal diarrhoea, not being able to listen and concentrate…rubbish with every single task… I’m keen but for very first few minutes …than can’t find the mental capacity to do things…always on the go, walk fast unable sit still…. Eating same thing over and over again, wearing same clothes and avoiding social events…avoiding people … enjoying so much living alone… All this make sense … but how to help myself not to feel all this emotions at once… I feel so alone with all this and have no one to talk to. I don’t want to hear: it’s all in your head …. Feeling so confused and lost… what shall I do do help myself … someone told me to find community of people with ADHD… my brain works 24/7 my sleep is none existent… things are hard…. I’m too tired …I am working full time, but I feel so on the side as I talk too much and don’t listen and people see me as an annoying one

[Caseopia]

I understand so much of how you are feeling. I have adhd also. I've heard people say "it's all in your head", "grow up", "get over it" . It hurts but I just tell myself that thankfully they don't know or have to go what I'm going through so they just aren't educated about my situation, etc. Yesterday my adhd was all over the place and I became manic and so hyper I was embarrased. I talked about 10 things in 5 seconds (example), doing laundry, dishes, cleaning and finally burnt out and fell asleep. I understand how you feel.

[agama in reply to Caseopia]

Thank you for your reply, I feel horribly alone and confused. I never been diagnosed here in UK, so not sure how valid my adhd is…

[taeh]

Welcome to the other side of the looking glass. The more you read and learn about ADHD (and what is understood about it now that wasn’t well understood 30 years ago), you’ll probably be hit by waves of epiphanies about how this has shown up throughout your life, both externally with work and relationships but also in your body and mind over time. Most ADHD is complex, meaning other diagnoses are present as well that interact with the ADHD. I’m in my 40s and didn’t start treatment for ADHD until about 2 years ago. It has been a WILD ride since then and revelations are still hitting me regularly. If you have access to talk therapy, I highly recommend finding a therapist who specifically has experience with ADHD.

Next time someone says it’s in your head you can tell them they’re right, in that your brain is in your head and the parts of your brain that are structured differently than neurotypical brains and aren’t broken, but they do work differently. Or “yes! My whacked out neurotransmitters ARE in my head! Thank you so much, I’d forgotten where I left them!”

But I know that’s not what you what you meant… when they say it’s in your head they’re invalidating your direct experience and saying you’re just imagining a problem where there isn’t one. Sometimes it’s people who love you saying that, and they think they’re helping to reassure you. They don’t get it, because they can’t relate, or they think “everyone gets distracted sometimes or procrastinates or misplaces stuff” — they don’t get that it’s a matter of scale. They also don’t get how the lack of understanding from others (and ourselves) throughout our lives eats away at our self esteem.

Having to survive in a world that’s not built for the way our brains work leads to many creative coping strategies that can make it look like there’s nothing “wrong” with us, but that comes at a high cost. It also contributes to related conditions and creates a feedback loop that taxes our mental health. (Lots of free articles related to this additudemag.com/category/ad... )

If you’re looking for more reading, stories and support from/for those of us only learning as adults that we have ADHD: additudemag.com/category/ma...

This is a lonely feeling but you’re not alone. Please be gentle and kind to yourself as you explore this. It can be really painful to connect the dots of why your whole life was how it was, and many of us feel grief and anger along with “had I known sooner”. The truth is, at the time your mom heard your diagnosis, less was known about it and one popular misunderstanding was that kids with ADD were stupid, lazy, or impulsive troublemakers. The last one is sometimes true but now we know better why, the first two are blatantly wrong misinterpretations of observed behavior.

Many of our parents’ generation would “defend” their kid if someone “accused” them of having ADD, especially if we didn’t show the classic hyperactive disruptive behavior.

Anyway, welcome to the party. We’re glad you found your way here! 💓

[agama in reply to taeh]

Thank you so much for taking your time to answer this…yes, it hit me hard as now I can see how different I am , to be honest I have noticed long time ago that I’m different, but I blamed my ED …even ED professionals were saying I’m stubborn, loud and treatment resistant who knows everything. I don’t blame my parents , never will. They did|do best they can.

My diagnosis is not official, as I’m from Poland and now I live in UK for 20years. Is it worth it to see advice from GP or it won’t change anything? Funny enough I’m a nurse , working full time and people do joke about me that I’m ADHD as I’m pretty speedy with life …

Did having official diagnosis can change something? I do feel alone most of my life as I don’t get on with people, so I’m known as anorexic outsider…. It’s so much to take in…I feel just so confused …

[Gettingittogether in reply to agama]

There have to be some ADHD specialists you can find in the UK. Yes, treatment can make a huge difference. Requires some trial and error and a little luck, but a good medication improves concentration, energy, focus, movitation and so on ... not all meds do all these things. It's very individual. What have you got to lose?

[agama in reply to Gettingittogether]

I’m 40 years old and i have a full time job so i dont think anyone could see that there is something wrong as ADHD hasn’t been even mentioned when i spent years in inpatient facilities for my ED. I can see now the connection and all the dots are coming together. For once i dont fill like i dont fit…ED diagnosis never completely fit me in my head. I spent last few weeks in the war with myself and finally I have accepted that this is it. I have ADHD and there is nothing wrong with that. I wish i could learn to live with it, like slowing my thoughts, my words coming out of my mouth and i would love to be able to listen and to concentrate what people are saying to me. I just want to slow down and dont live my life on the go constantly…. I know i have been told about ADHD when i was 12 but i never knew this, finally it all make sense, but i feel so alone with everything