So I found out at the end of March that I have ADHD because I got suspended pending termination from a job I have had for 10 years but was late to everyday. Finally one of the new managers did not want to tolerate it regardless of how hard of a worker I am, but my union rep recommended I see a doctor & look into possibly having adhd & put me on a leave fighting for a last chance agreement. Before I can go back I have to figure this out so I have been putting my all into doing my research to understand the disorder that me & my daughter were diagnosed with recently. My self awareness is at an all time high, but it is tending to make me feel a little down at times.
I am going through a lot, being homeless but the only option I have is to sometimes stay at my alcoholic mother's, so that my 12 year old daughter doesn' have to sleep in a car. The problem though is that my mother & father cause us so much distress. They don't even believe in adhd it seems and they live in this fantasy world and refuse to look at facts & see that my daughter is struggling with adhd, anxiety & depression as well. She witnesses them talking bad to me all the time & if I say anything to her they are always interjecting & yelling at me, putting me down again as if I'm a child & have no right to tell my daughter anything. It confuses her because she knows how they are but they constantly put me down, call me names, yell at me to just leave but my daughter can stay & threaten to throw my things out. They yell at me to not scold her or tell her anything that may upset her. And when I tell her anything they say "No she doesn't need to do that, you do it, you are her mother stop being lazy and expect her to do what you want." Or they say well you don't listen to us so don't tell her what to do!
I am 34 years old, what do I need to listen to them about because they have never been encouraging to me or my brothers. I decided to start working at 15 years old, they didn't want me to do anything, never put me in any activities or showed any interest in me at all, they never encouraged college I did that on my own. So what do I need to listen to them about and when I ask them its met with them talking shit to me. Regardless though, they are saying - since I don't listen to them it's ok if my daughter doesn't listen to me and I need to shut up and not tell her anything.
She is confused because she knows how they are but on the other hand always hearing them say things like that about me makes her feel like I pick on her and don't really care about her. She says she knows that I have been doing my best trying to find us housing but it requires me to constantly be on the phone with social workers and homeless shelters and for me to go out and try to find any place I can get into and it takes me away from her sometimes and now she has such bad anxiety. I have 3 therapists I am seeing to learn how to be a better mom for my daughter & to get a handle on the adhd & ptsd from my parents. It took me almost 6 months to get any therapist, then all 3 returned my calls finally & they each help me with something different so I can't give up any of them. Growing up with a narcissistic, alcoholic & prescription addicted mother & a Codependent father who does whatever my mom wants has traumatized me more than I ever realized. It has played a huge role in who I am, how my relationships with people are & how I handle obstacles. I am doing everything in my power to get us out but it's so overwhelming especially because I'm trying to control my low frustration & my impulsive mouth. What can I do to keep the peace as much as I can without letting my parents continue to put me down because it is causing emotional disturbances in my daughter which is affecting her mood and school. Would it be better for us to live in a car?