Reading and listening to more podcasts about how ADHD presents, and I feel like I hear "has trouble prioritizing or delaying gratification; often chooses to do something fun over something important or boring," a whole lot. Which, even in spaces that get ADHD, makes it sound like we're enjoying ADHD more than we are. Because like, I know for me, before being diagnosed as an adult, I was so self conscious about being bad at prioritizing and hyperfocusing that I stopped myself from doing just about any fun thing. I even got in the habit of thinking, "I have to do this for work, but it's fun. So I should do it last." And then end up not getting it done or ever even starting *because* I perceived it as fun and was trying (so, so hard) to apply some willpower over prioritizing.
The same thing with impulsivity -- like saying "acts without thinking" glosses over the fact that, if I spend time "thinking" about something that triggered an impulse, literally nothing will get processed or change. Like a split-second, impulsive decision for me doesn't change if I spend another hour or day or month considering it (except that I might forget about it at that point).
Caught between these two worlds, I just became more and more paralyzed! Like, the willpower is there, it just doesn't work the way it does for neurotypicals, instead it became its own impairment. I basically shut my whole life down out of fear of my own unpredictability -- if that doesn't show willpower, I don't know what does.
I know this is probably not everyone's experience but I feel like it must happen more than it's talked about. DAE relate?
I do not have ADHD but my partner might
Why is it so hard to get help for something that impacts so much?
Struggling in general
Struggling to keep a positive regard for myself
