Rather than to feel emotion of despair like all the time, i have either obsessive thoughts (OCD is also way to escape when present is unbearable) I complain like all the time even it annoys the heck out of me... When i see for instance how ADHD ppl suffer and workplace and it is not recognized as some disability and doesn't warrant accomodations to help ADHD ppl and given how normal ppl are indifferent and have empathy as rocky wall...
Ppl would rather turn to mindless consumerism and feel guilt rather than to realize they have no control and can't change it, than to feel despair like that all the time...
I wasn't able to even find healthy breakfasts options in 8 years... When i tried like 2000+ times and failed repeatedly that many times and now i have insane executive dysfunctions and negative emotions and feeling of extreme tiredness like every thought is like lifting weights (impossible to do anything like this)...
When even my own family are literally rapists and had 0 empathy with me... I Am misantrope i don't want to have anything in common with anyone, and want to get furthest away from ppl as possible... Humanity is hopeless, beyond help... Play Talos Principle 2...
Even this post is pointless don't expect anyone having any constructive ideas, i am just writing it to get rid of pressure on my chest ,it works only awhile... I will probably complain 24/7 about everything just to distract myself so i can get important work done... AS nothing else works...
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empleat
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You say you have nothing in common with anyone, but I know exactly how you feel regarding constant complaining, despair, guilt, and executive dysfunctions.
I feel like a monster every day of my life because I have gradually grown selfish and detached from the world. I can't even touch my brother or sister without feeling great disgust.
I have lived in a bubble all my life. No friends, limited social interaction, zero growth. I am going to college in January, yet I feel I cannot take care of myself.
I feel myself unraveling because of my ADHD and depression. Most days, I am too weak to care for myself. I am not ready for life, but life is ready for me, so I cannot hide any longer.
Just know there are many people in this world who are suffering from the same struggles you must endure. There are a lot of tiny fish in this vast sea; you are never alone.
Worst is despair, i don't want to depress you with my BS, as you are nice. I expected some pompous lecturing answer, most ppl are sadists have 0 empathy... Life is prison... Fucking pointless to even complain about it, just despair is worst human emotion, every second is like torture in dungeon for me... Pointless to even exist...
I’m glad you feel comfortable to just spew on the paper. It helps you get your feelings out. I can relate to most of it, especially about your messed up family. Mine trafficked me as a teen. My brain is always going all of the time. I also relate to the workplace not acknowledging my adhd as a disability.
Trafficked????????????? I am not sure how do you mean it exactly, if that is true that is so fucked up! People are fucked up, ppl hide behind laws while steal, murder, rape... Ppl pin crime (murder) on their own family members just to make more money... Or build house for their brother and then murdering them just for claiming their house. This world is absolute hell sadistic place, 99.999% are delusional from pain, if they didn't have delusions they would perish - it is proven by theory of evolution life can exist only based on lies... There is nothing you can do that is worst: saying nice words won't change anything... And corporations made it so ppl cannot help each other and pushed them against each other and try to brainwash them and alienate them from nature and other ppl so they become sadistic/psychotic... We are heading for cyberpunk 2077... Fucking hell, you cannot do anything, hardest thing is despair and watching other ppl suffer knowing you cannot do anything... Tho now i don't give shit about anything, i am completely empty, just want peace...
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I feel lost, like a fish flopping on shore.
Finally diagnosed, but finding actual treatment feels impossible.
Trouble Getting a Diagnosis
Spouse doesn't believe in ADHD
I feel alone in a full room.. 
