Hey there I've only recently been diagnosed with ADHD (at the age of 21) and since I've been tought to doubt my own thoughts, feelings and sentiments my whole life, I have a hard time accepting that I'm not just "faking it". I constantly have thoughts of "what if I've just talked myself into thinking I have ADHD?", "what if my therapist only thinks I have ADHD because it's a topic that's close to her heart?", "what if I've tricked my therapist into thinking I have ADHD?" and so on and so forth... do any of you know this? Or do you have any tips on how to get over this thought-pattern?
#psychotherapy #adhd #impostor
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gzoe
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Hey gzoe! I was recently diagnose (like 3 months ago with 29 y), at first I was so relief finding the reason of my struggle, but with the time I start thinking the same exact things as you. I don't know why and I wonder that maybe it is some kind of denial phase??
Right now, my main goal is understand how our brains works to accept and love it
(although I have no idea how, sometimes I expect like a illumination moment of selflove hahahaha)
Hi thanks anyways for your reply! It's always good to know you're not alone with your problems! But I think that's my approach too, just to find out as much as possible about the condition.
Same here! Except that I was 'diagnosed' quite recently, in my 60's. I don't think of ADHD too negatively or take much notice of the D words, but it's really good to know what's different about me, and why I'm good at some things and crap at others.
It's the same for me. I don't think it's a bad thing at all, while it might make some things harder for me/us than for others it also comes with a lot of benefits. I guess that's what probably confuses me even more, because I don't see it as a negative...
But that's crazy that you only got diagnosed in your 60s! Can I ask what lead to your diagnosis?
Two things really.. I'd wondered about it for years but everyone I mentioned it to, including one or two therapists, scoffed at the idea, since I have an advanced degree and work in a highly technical job.
One day I heard The Governess from The Chase interviewed on the radio. She described how she had executive function deficit and how her diagnosis came about (she didn't pay the rent for 3 months and her landlord suggested she see a psychiatrist). I thought 'my god, that sounds exactly like me!'
The next thing that happened was that I got into a minor legal scrape and had to get legal advice. The lawyer was brilliant on several levels but, in particular, she asked if I was ASD or some other kind of neurodiversity, since she'd seen people in those populations get into similar scrapes.
That was the last straw for me and I saw a psychiatrist, who said I was a classic case.
Hi. I understand completely. When you said "Ive been taught to doubt my own thoughts, feelings and sentiments my whole life"; Wow do I understand that! Gaslighting, dysfunction, mental health issues, character issues, and just plain craziness. I was always the 'Problem'. It was never them. I don't know how I didn't end up on the Psych ward (truly). My home life was an F'n Circus. Then I got married. And I married what I knew (dysfunction), and what I felt I deserved (which wasn't much. It was the same as what I grew up with-there was obviously an unconscious, psychological bond). That was decades ago, but I still have a lot of that old 'Programming' in my head. And some of it still haunts today (esp my marriage. I have never been hurt so bad before, or since). Time does not heal all woulds. Neither does Rx or Therapy. As far as therapy goes, I was so emotionally stunted (?), 'Dumbed Down', and so far behind the average person when I started. I don't know how long (years) it took for me to just to get to where most people were at mentally, emotionally, etc. Also, I don't how long it took for me to 'Get It'. What ever 'It' is, because I can't put it into words.
I still doubt myself. I'll go to a restaurant, and I'd like to order X, but I order Y, because Y is cheaper, or my old programming says 'You don't want that', that's not what you want'. etc.Some of my other thoughts or bad programing says:
-I'm weak willed.
-That I'm smart enough, so I should be able to handle this myself; figure it out. Deal with it.
-"Get over it. That was years ago. You still think about that? That happed back in.... Let it go. Move on" .
-People have had this for generations and they made it (and most suffered horribly. They smoked, drank, and some took their own lives. Whatever to stop the nonstop crap going thru their head, Plus all of the criticism they were told. A lot of the crap that a lot of us still hear today).
My ADHD Rx has truly been a life changer. But it doesn't solve everything, including all of my bad programming. I got diagnosed by accident. I just got lucky by seeing the right Dr (who by the way, figured it out in minutes). This after years of seeing I don't know how many different Mental Health Pros, such as MD's, including psychiatrists, Social workers, etc.
As far as therapy goes, I still ask if "does what I say make sense? Does it add up? Does it sound like what I say is real, or am making it up or am I out of touch with reality"?
Other than my Rx, for me, the best thing is quality relationships with people who 'Get me'. They my chuckle at some of the things I say or do, but not in a mean way. They are 'My kind of people'. I don't mean to sound like a snob, but most people are not 'My kind of people'. But they are hard to find. A lot of it has to do with that I have to know them a while to where I feel comfortable enough to be myself (that they are 'Worthy of my trust').
Self doubt and negative ruminating thoughts are horrible.
When someone attacks you or makes you doubt yourself (and yes, you will make mistakes at times like everyone does) pay close attention to their words and actions, and then tell yourself; 'I know what I heard, and I know what I saw'.
I wish you relief, a sense of calm, peace of mind-and yes, even Happiness. Above all else, remember that you will....
Thanks for sharing your story! I'm glad to hear you are doing better and have found people that understand and support you
I'm really lucky, because while I do understand what you are talking about it was not nearly as extreme for me growing up...
For me it was more that my parents and sibling used to make fun of me when I got angry or hurt, according to them I looked funny when that happened, but as a child I could not understand that and it felt more like my feelings weren't appropriate... in addiditio I was born right around the time my parents separated so I think I kind of had to pay more attention to my surroundings earlier on thatn other people, because everything seemed so fragile and everyone was so busy with their own problems and I can imagine that maybe as an infant I didn't get the attention/support that a child at that young age would need....it's only now that I really understand that and can work on it. For example a few years ago my boyfriend had to ask about 20 times if I was ok until I would finally tell him what was bothering me, just because I always thought I was overreacting or that I didn't want to bother him with my problems... but since then I've learnt a lot more about myself and I know I can trust and rely on him and he wants to be there for me so it's much easier for me to open up, not only to him but also to friends and they accept and support me
But I'm pretty sure that that could be one reason why I have a hard time believing that I really do have this condition...
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and I wish you all the best!
I learned to control mine through martial arts and recognizing the symptoms. Personally I don't take medication. Let me tell you this and I say the same thing to my students.
Once you learn to use your ADHD, not just control it, but use it, you will be unstoppable. Look at it like a gift you have to practice with to get good with it.
I am currently taking a very low dosis of Ritalin SR (10mg/day) just to see if it could possibly help me but I do agree with you that meds are not the only solution, I think it's important to figure out some behavioural strategies as well and I also think that ADHD comes with a lot of positives as well. I'm studying to become a primary teacher and from the very first day "in the field" I've been told I have a great overview, I know what's happening in each and every corner of the classroom and I do think that that is due to my ADHD, I also hear, smell and see a lot of things when walking or doing stuff outside, that slip other people's attention but that is super enriching to me, like the song of a bird or butterflies flying by an so forth....
And as you say I think it's important to use those benefits to my advantage, I still have to find out how in some areas but I think there's a lot of potential in ADHD as well
It's a superpower I'm tell ya I've been at this one middle school for a long time. I spoke with the sped teachers one of which did her master's thesis on the affects of coffee on ADHD.As I understand, and I am not a doctor, coffee and meds basically speed up the rest of the brain to keep up with our ADHD affected section of the brain.
A lesson I want to do with my students next time I long term sub is for them to come up with what they do best and call it their superpower. Then they give themselves a name based on that superpower.
Believe me, if you truly have ADHD, you'd know it. And the fact that others see it in you, surely means you have it. You are probably doubting yourself, because ADHD has such a bad reputation. Believe in yourself, focusing on accomplishing tasks you might not have been able to accomplish before.
Because the symptoms of ADHD are similar to things most people experience every day (just to a much greater extent and constantly), it's easy to feel like you're 'faking it' and for other people to not understand the daily struggles people with ADHD face. What you're talking about is a very normal feeling of being an imposter and not being 'disabled' enough.
It's easy to let that feeling make you doubt, but when you're doubting, look at all the daily struggles you go through. You're young right now, but getting help and tools now will help you later when you'll struggle more without them. For me, memory is my primary issue! I'll forget a name the moment someone tells it to me. Sorry, my brain just lost it.
I like to say that my ADHD does not disable me. The way our society works disables me and I have to compensate for the needs of society to survive within it. It helps me to have that mindset because it makes me feel like I'm just a square peg trying to fit into a round hole rather than something broken that needs fixing. It helps me feel less guilty and less like an imposter.
Sure, my peg fits into the ADHD hole. I was diagnosed when I was 14 after years of knowing something was 'wrong'. Now I know I'm not wrong, just different. That doesn't stop things from being a struggle for me, but it makes me doubt myself less. I hope that helps you.
I think that's probably it! Because often when I talk to someone about my struggels (sometimes mentioning my ADHD and sometimes not) the usual answer is "oh but everyone has that, jsut wait it will pass, it's normal" and it feels so invalidating because this isn't just some tiny little struggle but something that acutally has an impact on my life.
And it's also so true that it's usually society making it hard not necessarily the ADHD. I recently talked to a friend of mine and she made a comparison to how society's expectation of performance doesn't take into account, that women have a harder time to perform depending on where they are in their cicle.... she said something about society expecting everyone to perform well constantly (so if you'd look at the performance over time on a diagram it would be linear) however that's not possible... for no one really wether you're a man a woman, neurotypical or -atypical doesn't even matter it's just not possible to be on all the time.
I've had the same trouble. I just got diagnosed and I'm in my fifties. I'm frustrated because the process is slow. I'm in fear of being labeled anti-social, anxious or depressed. I ended up pursuing a diagnosis because of my family history and feeling anxiety and depression was a effect of ADHD.
I had a lot of the trouble with the questions. I.e. can you remember appointments. Thankful the Psychologists told me having your phone remind you of appointments isn't the same as being able to do it on your own. The self-assessment is really tough because I've read that those who suffer from ADHD are poor self-observers. Like how do you know if you are being driven by motor when you have nothing to compare it to.
I first met with a Therapist who after three sessions referred me for a ADHD evaluation. That Psychologist confirmed the diagnosis. Then I met with a Psychiatrist regarding medication. And on the first day of medication (which is working great) he had me feel out the ADHD assessment form and WURS. He scored them then emailed back "These are negative for ADHD I think your problems may be more anxiety and depression related." I was stunned. It put me in foul mood. I just want to move on and focus on management. Part of that is being transparent with others. You have to own it. It is who you are.
That said your diagnosis is based on more then how you feel about it. And for me I think being able to express yourself is difficult with ADHD. Be sure to get treatment from a few people.
Personally, beyond all these simple questions they ask. I've found what connects for me is the inability to sit still and handle boredom. Now that I'm on medication I'm aware of how much energy it takes. I had a dental appt today and didn't take my meds before. I was tense in my neck and nauseous having to wait the 15 minutes. It took all my energy. No wonder my coping mechanism my whole life has been isolation and avoidance and I get misdiagnosed with Anxiety.
Another thing to keep in mind is you may be thinking you are "faking it" because that creates drama and makes it more entertaining. You're not going to figure it all out right away. So, in the meantime you have to wait.
What's helping me, is to remember this: "Why would anyone ever voluntarily choose to struggle with this? Why would anyone choose something that has so much stigma attached to it? And why, if it was fake, would I do this to myself if it really was fake for this long time?"
I'm 34 now and I have been struggling and feeling like I have been fighting my whole life and I have been actively seeking out to solve my problems, but only found out a few months ago that I might have ADHD after 3 years of therapy and medication (and several many years if not most of my life trying to fix it myself).
It's is clear to me, if you got here and you have been diagnosed with ADHD AND you seem to have had enough struggles to lead to the diagnosis and impair your life, then that's enough reason to believe that you aren't faking it. Even if years later your diagnosis would be changed to something else....you have SOMETHING you are struggling with that you couldn't change just on your own.
Not to mention, from what I'm noticing now while I'm trying to get evaluated for it, it's not actually easy to get that diagnosis...
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