Frustration, Fatigue and Freaking out

[Mstislav]

Hello all,

Yesterday I sat down to write an informal letter/ email to a friend (after a fortnight of procrastination). I wanted to write but not to experience the inevitable fall out from the process. I spent an hour trying to organise my thoughts, then another hour and a half trying to edit them. Grammarly advised that at a basic level my writing was a bit unclear and I had 28 issues at the advanced level. By this time I was completely whacked and losing patience with myself. I pressed 'Send' but felt that I had short-changed the recipient. Today I still feel that I am emotionally seething and I am operating on a very short fuse. Any good suggestions on how to cope with this kind of scenario? [P.S. I am not taking and cannot take any ADHD medication}

[Hidden]

First of all, it’s very relatable. And it’s not something that goes away even with meds. Sometimes what I do is just to have my feelings and move on when I’m ready, or I will write. I also take a lot of walks, which really helps me. I’m on meds so I’m probably not the best person to ask, but I hope this helped a little.

[Mstislav in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, I do try to take a break (though I am not always aware of how long I have been spending on a task and it is sometimes not possible to schedule a break in advance). Perhaps I am just too hard on myself.

[Hidden]

Hi! I feel you. When I’m in this state of mind I do it in shifts. Write my first draft... even if it sucks. Go for a walk. Nature and cleaning are like Prozac to me. I think about a billion other things and come back to my work with fresh, not as frustrated brain. I do my corrections and repeat if necessary. It takes a while depending where my brain is at that day

[Mstislav in reply to Hidden]

Yes. The mention of household chores resonated with me. The weather here is unpredictable and heavy rain is forecast for the next fortnight. This is disrupting my daily half-hour walk. I do, however, like to iron. I find it a very mindful activity!

[LifeIsLearning]

I am proud of you for writing the letter. I put of writing a letter for my friend's birthday too long (her sister was trying to have a lot of letters all arrive on her birthday weekend). I'm learning about procrastination and perfectionism. I do not know if perfectionism is a part of ADHD, made worse by ADHD, or what, but totally feel you. . . . the procrastinating, the disorganization, the impatience with myself, the pressure, and the anger that lasts afterwards. . . I'm so sorry you deal with this too.

Here are some theories I'm trying out at the moment.

1) Try changing the way you talk to yourself. Instead of "I'm going to sit down and do this" try "I'm going to sit down and begin this.. I'll go for 10 minutes" That way you have less pressure of the deadline and might start it sooner because you do not have to fear the pressure. And not finishing it right away is not a failure because you just set out to begin. Also that way - 2) You can stop and take a walk (or use a hula hoop for 3 minutes - I really like the weighted ones). If you get stuck you do not have to keep pushing ahead. this might mean breaking it into steps on your schedule (start this task, edit this task, finish this task).

Example: I'm using a timer for the dishes. I set it for 15 minutes. That way I'm not looking at a huge pile and dreading that I'll be there for an hour. I say to myself "It's just 15 minutes, I can do this" and when I'm done I say to myself "I did it! for 15 minutes!" Before using this technique I felt I had to finish the dishes and if I didn't I felt like failure and would berate myself calling myself a failure and a burden to my husband.

After using this technique for a while I found that sometimes I actually stay doing the dishes longer because I don't feel trapped, or I come back later to finish because it was not so bad and I could do it! It took on a positive feeling instead of doom.

As for the writing itself, Jess McCabe of the You Tube channel How to ADHD said in a Q and A at the end of a video that she first does a brain dump of all her ideas. Second, she organizes them into an outline. Third she does the actual writing. I don't know if that will help you, I honestly have not tried it out yet. I actually have a pile of thank you letters to write that I'm putting off, so I guess I should go start writing some of them. (i'll just begin with the people I'll see first and see how far I get. . . . and if I only get one finished, I'll be proud of myself for that.)

Best wishes!

[Mstislav]

Many thanks for the encouragement! Yes, I try a mind map for my ideas. The outline, writing and coherence are the tricky bits. I have some more emails to write this coming weekend so I shall try to put all these tips into practice!