REJECTION SENSITIVITY? HOW TO COPE

[olivias1]

A comorbid condition that I have in addition to my extreme ADHD is rejection sensitivity. "It's characterized by extreme emotional sensitivity to being criticized or rejected, whether real or perceived." Before I am even "rejected," I assume I am and act out in ways that are totally abnormal to the situation.

For example, if someone tells me how much they love me 10 times, but criticizes me 1 time, I will hyper focus on the negative react only to that. This has made me lose friends/relationships because I am convinced these people are out to get me, when in reality its just me misinterpreting the situation.

Does anyone else experience this? Have any TIPS to COPE? This is the part of my ADHD that has totally taken over my life...

[Frog77]

Hi there. I am new to this support group but not new to this experience. I have lived with it my whole life. Growing up it got labeled “attention seeking” because I never could get enough positive reinforcement. One rejection was enough to undo allllll the good I received. I still experience it. I am someone who says I love you dozens of times a day to my kids and spouse , so I will hear it back. If I don’t get the response back as “genuinely” as I expect, I think something is wrong. I don’t get mad. If my husband doesn’t apologize sincerely enough then he “must not be really sorry and therefore must really hate me. And think I am lazy, stupid, inadequate etc”. I honestly still don’t know how to interpret his emotions much of the time after 18 years. I have been to yoga and that has helped me go inward more, to truly quiet my mind for the first time in over 40 years and look for perspective. To see that these perspectives I take are not realistic, but a disproportionate reality. I have to literally talk myself down many times , which falls under the “emotional exhaustion and anxiety” piece of adhd. These are things others without this do NOT understand. But I do . Hang in there

[olivias1 in reply to Frog77]

Thank you so much for your response!! I also do that with “I love you.” Like, someone has to really “sound” as if they mean it or I freak. Even my parents, and I’m 22 haha. I am trying to base my actions on facts instead of my emotions since they usually steer me in the wrong direction.

[Colorado387 in reply to Frog77]

This is so interesting. I don't think I've done this with "I love you", but as my RSD symptoms began to get worse recently (medicine isn't working anymore), I started threatening to leave or alluding to me leaving during fights with my partner. I explained to him that I didn't want to leave, I felt like I just wanted the reassurance that he didn't want me to leave. It didn't go any better- he accused me of being manipulative I wasn't doing it on purpose, though. Thank you for sharing your story, it really helps.

[lodopo]

Me too.. I realize that my past rejection and struggles and problems distort my sense of self and how I perceive myself in the world. I tell my self stuff that's not true. I assume things and I am wrong often.I spent a lot of time alone when I was younger and a little boy. I have done what they call, caring for my inner child.

I went/go back in my mind and imagine I am staring at myself when I was a little boy during a time when I was alone and hurting. I pick myself up in my arms and hug that little boy and tell him everything is going to be ok, I love you and you are safe, let's go have fun together. I love you and you are safe. I love that little boy with all my heart. I see him smiling. I hold him so close and dance with him.

Do you have an inner child you can love and care for?

We all do. Go back and love yourself with all your heart. Be so sweet and loving to yourself.

[olivias1 in reply to lodopo]

I love this!! Thank you for sharing

[JW621]

I have the same and I also deal with hyper vigilance. Set boundaries. Paranoia and rejection two things that controlled my life. I won’t let it anymore.