Wandering Soul

[josephemm]

Hi

I have ADHD I live in South India and here no one seems to know what that is. I am 29 and until now I have struggled with my life. I was punished really hard in my childhood for my forgetfulness and lack of attention, everyone I know has the same comment about me that “I am disorganized, I live like an animal, I am talented but don’t know how to use them. “Academically I succeeded because I could focus well before the exams, I am a pharm d graduate and I worked for two years as a clinical pharmacologist and I quit my job after buying the motorcycle that I wanted. I am unemployed for the past one year I am traveling through India and living off the savings I made in the past two years and it's about to run dry. I don’t feel like looking for a job until I finish my savings, even if I make up my mind to look for a job the effort ends within a day or two. I have had 2 failed relationships, my only blessing is my current girlfriend who is the only person that understands what ADHD is, she is very patient with me, everyone else including my family constantly advises me to pay more attention, become more sensitive, and things like that. I have tried my best to convince them that I do things the way I do them because I am hardwired in such a way, no matter what I say their reply is ”I am not trying hard enough“ I know that a reader not from India may have many doubts, but in India, we are attached to our parents, we are supposed to take care of each other until someone dies, I belong to Christian minority community that practices endogamy so we have very close-knit relationships and I find it hard to socialize among them, most of them consider me as an alien. For the past six months, I have been staying in a motel lying to my family that I am working in another city, just so that I can get away from them all, I drink and I also smoke both the type of leaves everyday it helps me get away from reality which I really despise. With the help of my girlfriend, I am trying to migrate to Canada and I hope everything goes well, but still, I don’t have an aim, I am really confused and I don’t really know what I intended with this paragraph.

Just putting it out there.

[RCJH8610]

A good title for this post would be “Wandering Soul”... don’t be so hard on yourself. You clearly have many options as far as a profession goes. With ADHD it can be hard to find motivation. In addition, the ADHD brain can easily form addictions to just about anything (i.e. drugs, alcohol, gaming, shopping, sex). I think it would be wise for you to make an appointment with a psychiatrist and develop a treatment plan that works for you. I was not formally diagnosed until the age of 29 (I am now 32) and once I was prescribed a stimulant... my whole life changed for the better! I am way more productive and I have motivation and drive. I wish you the best on your journey to finding what makes you happy. Just know you are not alone ❤️

[josephemm in reply to RCJH8610]

Thanks for the reply but I don't think I can make up my mind to go to a doctor I am scared of treatment, makes me think it will mess with my brain and I fear being dependant on them and if my parents come to know I can't imagine the drama that would follow, and a part of me thinks it's my fault, maybe if I try hard enough I can change.

[RCJH8610 in reply to josephemm]

I was scared of treatment as well, but just like Diabetics need insulin because their body doesn’t produce enough, people with ADHD need serotonin because our bodies do not produce enough. It is a medical illness and there is no shame is seeking treatment. I completely understand why you are reserved especially when it comes to your families views. Just know you aren’t alone and things WILL get better ❤️

[josephemm in reply to RCJH8610]

Thanks for your support I feel positive about asking for help. ill keep everyone posted. 🙂

[ibrahimdofani]

I feel you from Libya no one here knows what adhd is and its as if im all alone in this country fighting for my life fighting for my career desperately trying to achieve but no use

Im slowly failing

[josephemm in reply to ibrahimdofani]

I think the best way would be to see a psychiatrist, how old are you? I have decided to see one and if I can be of any help just ask, maybe we could have a go at it together.