Late in Life

[Chillyla]

Hi; Are there any other members say around ages 50 to 70 who spent their entire life untreated for whatever reason; failing at almost every aspect of life, never finishing things that matter, and/or self-sabotaging every worthwhile idea or aspiration you had. I need to hear from someone who can understand the feelings of regret that I have, and the need to get past all that, and move forward to a more satisfying and healthy life. It's like failure is all I know, and I feel incapable of improving the years that I have left. Again, "self-sabotage." One of the worst things I hear (and know it's true,) is that it takes "time" to get better. Time? What time? Seems like I missed my chance. I feel like people in their 20's-40's are so fortunate to get help that early. I feel cheated, but I know I did it to myself. Yes, this is negative talk, but I've read that on this forum, you can be honest without being judged. Thanks for reading

[AEppinette]

I am not in the 50-70 age range but I do know something about regret. What you need to do is mourn the life you could have had/wanted. After you forgive yourself for letting you down, you can move on to a better future. Make awesome plans now that you understand yourself more. Realize that this can be a "second chance", so to speak. Like the saying goes, "youth is wasted on the young." You have a different perspective now and I think you can use that to your advantage and make most of your life now. Be ok with disappointment and don't be so hard on yourself.

And get a therapist because you won't get over this hump alone or easily. Sometimes a therapist can justify you in ways that you didn't realize.

[AlMidwood]

That’s allot of baggage to take on exactly. I can’t say your perspective matches mine perfectly (nor anyone else’s), but that’s not to say I don’t have some regrets. It’s not that I want to rewrite my personal history, I don’t, but there are things I want to work on. While my own self diagnosis has been confirmed professionally, my treatment has been a lifelong process of self education and self understanding unmediated by a professional. With that said, I have some understanding of what your going through and I know how to listen. Perhaps that’s all you need.

[Hidden]

Hi Chillyla . I was diagnosed at 52, and felt just like you do, at times. First let me extend hope. Yes, it takes time. But that doesn’t mean things don’t get better in the meantime. Yes, it takes work, and sometimes one step backward to go two steps forward. But that’s ok, too. What I needed to know when I came in is that life gets better, and that I haven’t wasted my life. I know now that I haven’t wasted my life, I have something unique and wonderful to offer through my hope and experience, and I’m in the right place. So are you. Welcome to the tribe!

[wtfadhd]

Hello, i was diagnosed at 40 n i I initially felt similar to what you described. I was livid that i fell thru the cracks all those years. I blamed, cursed , disparaged, raged, etc etc etc. that was my version of “ taking time”. I personally needed to do that n glad i did. When i was done, and i dont mean it was a linear process, but when i was done with the gloom n doom, i was in a much better place to start dealing with how do i make the second part of my life better? I dont have wise advice- but i hear what you said and i feel it.

[lost2bfound]

Hi Chilliya. I'm 71. Finally got a dr to say, " Yes, your history confirms your suspicion." Taking low dose of streterra. Worked well short while. Upped dose. Only got more severe side effects. I can sooo relate to your concerns. House is always a work in progress, or paused progress. Always, always I was going to get it together 'one day'. Now I'm actually saying out loud "if you haven't managed it yet what makes you think you ever will?" Haven't quite given up. I vascillate between trying again and being resigned. Of course the house is not the only problem. This chat room has been encouraging for me. I am learning to not be so hard on myself. The regrets will eat you up. I keep reminding myself I can't go back and fix things. I try to move my mind to what the possibilities are now. I'm pretty sure my family thinks I am grasping at straws by saying I have adhd, but knowing for sure, understanding why I do what I do (many times, not always) enables me to feel more positive and less hopeless. Actually a lot less hopeless. Keep reading on this site. Learn the common adhd traits and learn to recognize them in yourself. Instead of feeling less than you can begin to say This is not WHO I am. It's the way my brain works. It is physical. Not relating to, again, who you are. We are not in control of our brains, but we can learn to live more in harmony with the one we have. Learn to laugh at your adhd blunders. Sometimes they're really funny. There is a magazine called 'Additude'. You can get a subscription on line. In fact, that is how I discovered this site. There's a great youtube channel tilted 'How to ADD", I think. I will check it out and correct it if the title is wrong. Great perky young woman, we might say girl, who has good advice. She is upbeat and enteraining. Always leaves me with a smile and something to think about. If I can manipulate chat on this site( see bar at the top) we can talk more personally if you would like that. You are beginning a new phase of an old adventure. One that offers help and most of all hope. We'll keep having some days of despair but they will become less and less and also less and less severe. Remember we are all pulling for you and and I will be praying for you too.