My wife and kids and I just returned from an 8 day trip to the beach. On the car ride home my wife decided to fill me in on how well the trip went. As she retold the 8 days as a narrative story, I found myself being described as the least pleasant character.
So I apparently can not relax long enough to enjoy the trip fully. After several days of anxiety and stressing before the trip, we start driving. The day of travel is a mix of good and bad. The second day is better and as the trip progresses the trip gets better. Then the day we leave I am back to being anxious and stressed. What this looks like for my family is a hurricane of emotions, mostly negative. I seem to go into a one track mode in which I must complete every task before I can relax. In my case, I must complete a list of things before leaving our home and then another list of things before we can go back home. I am not easy to talk to nor am I truly helpful to anyone other than myself.
I am already on medication for ADHD/RSD and medication for anxiety. I am not looking to take more medications but would be willing if it would help me relax and make things easier on my family.
How well do you travel? What do you find helps with stress or anxiety when traveling?
I travel "poorly" and am not fun to be around when getting ready to go. I get anxious and cranky as I'm never sure I'm really ready. Interesting since I was in the military and had to be able to travel, sometimes on short notice. What I have to do is have my travel list(s) to ensure I'm ready, have everything packed, house is ready to leave, I've informed anybody and everybody who needs(?) to know, etc. I'm "usually" OK once I actually get going, but like you, I have a hard time "relaxing" even when it's supposed to be a fun outing. Trying setting warning signs for yourself: I'm starting to tense up so I need to breath and force myself to relax at least somewhat; I'm thinking about my at work/at home "to do" lists but I really can't do anything about them right now so "replace" these thoughts with events of the moment; I'm hoping that the hotel reservations won't be screwed up and that check-in goes smoothly but that will have to be handled then, NOT RIGHT NOW so leave it, etc. Look into MINDFULNESS as a way of dealing with these issues. I make it sound so easy.... it's Not, and no, I'm not very successful at it, either, but we have to make attempts to understand and control these issues we have. Lists and checklists, including mental approaches to traveling, helped the most. Good luck and let me know if you come up with any good ideas that help you!
Self awareness is not a strong suit for the ADHD'r I've come realize lately. I've been devouring books on the subject (audio). I recently completed "Is It You, Me Or ADHD?"
Not realizing initially that it is meant for the partners of people with ADHD, I was astounded and smacked in the face with the notion that it isn't my husband that's the jerk, it's me!
My issues are more emotional. I change moods pretty easily and get frustrated. I have gotten better with age (I am 22). I have had a lot of experience with travel. We used to go on 2-3 trips a year. Now I am better at realizing I need to take a step back. When we were in South America in December with a tour group I choose not to participate in certain activities that I knew I would not enjoy. This way both my family and I were happy. I was not angry and upset because I did the thing and my family was not frustrated because of me.
It is really about knowing your limit I guess. I usually let other people take the reigns. I have only traveled without my family once but I still didn’t have to do most of the planning because it was through school.
I would just honestly say maybe take a step back and let your wife take over the prepping.
I feel that going camping allows me and my hubby to relax while the kids are nervous. Not trying to torture them but my ADHDness allows me to make any situation fun. The kids grow to trust and respect us (parents). “What was that sound, what is that???,etc. soo funny
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