Alone...

[Jaly]

Sometimes I get into a spiral and I feel like no one in my support group has the time or energy to deal with me. My group is SUPER supportive, but when I spiral I get so illogical that I don't know what's real or what's my combination of mental illnesses lying to me. I feel so alone it's devastating, even though in reality I'm fine. I just can't get myself out of the spiral, and when no one can help me I'm screwed... I usually have good coping mechanisms in place, but lately nothing is working.

[Hidden]

Noooo! 😀 stop right there!

I feel you. I do. I hope what I suggest can work for you as it has and is for me! 🙂

Now, really quick, great job reaching out and making this post your way of shifting your mind in the other direction. Although it is pure negativity that you wrote lol, it’s totally valid and not out of the ordinary, by any means! Your human, you want to feel cared for, you feel the need for attention and significance. I do too. So you’re not alone on that.

As negative it’s clear to see, we often overlook at the positive nature it holds. It’s your conscience (your inner self talk that guides you in the right direction, always) screaming for help. At least that’s my visualization of your situation.

You pointed out so many great and horrible things I want to say. It takes a lot of effort and mental power to know what’s going on around us, how we feel about it, what we think about it, what we believe others are experiencing at the same time, what we believe others must think of you about how you feel with the things happening around you.

If you’re racing thoughts are like mine, all those questions occur immediately and I’m left like “yo wtf, why the fuck, when the fuck, ..” adding more to the chaos in my mind.

I hit my day of realization, this epiphany , of every question i had , that drove me crazy, putting me in loops of mental exhaustion which led to many days lost, a bad attitude and strengthened my already poor view of life and others and myself. They all had one thing in common.

Every question has direction. By that I mean, you’re either asking a question to someone or something, or you’re asking a question to yourself. An Indirect question or a direct question. I’d if that’s a thing or not maybe it is maybe it’s not, who gives a shit. It makes sense, at least I hope it does 😂, it does to Me. Anyways all my questions were indirect and it’s not that it’s necessarily bad but the fact that i noticed that similarity, really got me thinking. I didn’t get it aT first, I get these realizations a lot of the time but I could never decipher what the fuck it was my brain was trying to let me know. And even though I wasn’t understanding what exactly I had done or was trying to do, I sat in peace doing literally the very thing my brain was trying to tell me all the time. Asking myself wtf lol.

Idk how all that may sound to you or is coming across. Lol, I feel silly and ashamed right now but hey, its ok, I know it’s ok. And that’s just it.

Your own thoughts and feelings can feel as if they are someone else’s sometimes and we enhance them because of that illusion. We judge ourselves and bring ourselves down. Why? Who gives a shit, what’s important is that you’re aware of that. Waste the resources you’re blessed to have every day like time and choice on questioning that. Don’t be afraid of yourself. You are the strongest person, you are the weakest person, you are the best person. No one can change that, it just is what it is. You are you. Come to peace and agree on some of the situations you find yourself in with the ever changing beauty of life.

You can either be your own best friend or be your own worst enemy. Because you too, are someone. Someone valuable, beautiful and not deserving of bad moments in life. You deserve the best life.

I hope this wasn’t too heavy for you and that I didn’t lose you on my message either hehe. One day at a time and you have always done the hardest step in the process of being the best you. And that’s identifying your surroundings and knowing what makes you feel a certain way and what doesn’t. Play around with those facts about yourself and truly meet yourself. I won’t be surprised if you find out that you’re actually really fucking cool as a person, and tell yourself how much you love yourself. That’s very important

Love you and I’m here for you. ❤️🙂

[Jaly in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply, it actually made me smile. I hear what you're saying, and when I'm not spiraling my logical brain knows all the things you said (don't be afraid of yourself, it's ok to lose your footing, etc), but man when I'm in that spiral my emotional brain just takes over and like you said, my own thoughts and feelings feel like they're someone else's. Someone actually showed me a funny picture they found online of my doppelganger during this last spiral and I didn't recognize my features at all (looking at it now a few days out of the spiral and I totally see it - weird). Posting here did help me get it out thought, so I guess that's something! I'll have to start paying attention to my questions to see when/how they are direct or indirect. Right now in my life I am totally my worst enemy and I have to figure out how that happened and how to bring myself around to being my best friend. I guess that's why it's all a process, right?

[Hidden]

Jaly, hang in there. That distance you’re feeling from everyone else, we all feel the same way sometimes. The good news is you are not and never will be alone.

[Jaly in reply to Hidden]

Thank you plenti42day. I think we all need to hear that from time to time.

[MarylouD]

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