Your spouse loves you, but his/her ADHD symptoms get in the way.

[NonADHDSpouse]

By Ellen Kingsley,

My Husband Has ADHD — and It’s Hurting Our Marriage-- Your husband loves you, but his ADHD symptoms get in the way — causing him to ignore you, lose track of time, or wander off. Here’s how to work together on change

additudemag.com/adhd-marria...

Ellen Kingsley,

To emerge from the troubling Uh-Huh Scenario trap, THE WIFE FIRST HAS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE ISSUE IS: Difficulty focusing and staying on task are hallmark symptoms of ADHD. Accepting this fact of life, she then needs to FRAME HER REQUEST IN A WAY THAT penetrates at a deep enough level to be implemented. Weiss suggests a four-step strategy:

•Touch your husband when you make the request.

People with ADHD receive information more readily and thoroughly when several senses are engaged.

•Make eye contact with your husband, and engage him conversationally. Tell him, “Thanks, I really appreciate your taking out the trash.” Wait for him to respond.

•Give him a time limit. Say, “I will feel better if you take out the trash by 3 o’clock.” (Note the use of positive language.) Ask him what he thinks about that.

•Remind him again if need be. He may need you to do so.

In short, don’t judge moralistically your husband’s ADHD behavior. Be responsible for your part of the equation. This is the man you loved enough to marry. You owe it to both of you to learn about ADHD and develop the tools to work together.

-Ellen Kingsley