Struggling with past addiction, basically anything that would chemicaly induce happiness, I manage to mostly stay clean but its been a long time.. And I feel like the only happiness I can feel is artificially provoked. This is a dreadful feeling and a fear that leaves a sinking feeling... Im holding on still but often feel on the verge of losing control of my emotions, willpower, hope etc
I dont know what to do.. I dont want to be like this I want to be normal. I also suffer from ADHD which is what drove me to the abuse because at the time it was not caught by anyone. My vyvanse is the only thing thats holding me barely together but it isnt enough im afraid.. i feel myself about to take spiral. I am doing everything I can to fight it. Has anyone come back from this combination successfully?
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Khayaws
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Several things that have helped me with the conditions that seem to push me toward substances flip the addictive tendencies on their head. I don't get runners high. I'm not mother Theresa. Despite that I do find a steady workout commitment not only energizes my body but also gets me out among others...even if I don't really interact other gym goers nothing depresses me more than the empty black hole that just continues to expand when I isolate myself at home. Also, very out of character, I began volunteering with children. My own children are often tough to stomach but just interacting takes me to a much better place. Above all, set your site on something beyond tomorrow that cannot be achieved from the pits of addiction. Make that goal your own. Do it for yourself and it will come naturally.
BSlayer, thank you so much for putting that into words. It's really true that looking outside yourself and to help others in any way you can really can lift your own spirits and emotions. Definitely seek for some greater good that you can't achieve all by yourself. Your volunteering is a win-win situation for you and for those children. Carry On!
We have a group going on WhatsApp about PMO addiction, and relational codependence (we re just 4 from 4 different continents). We are advancing together using the SLAA method, you can find more about that online. We also share whatever helps.
You can write to me on WhatsApp and I can add you to the group. everybody is welcome with their unique and enriching experience.
You are not alone.i too have struggled with Adhd ,only got diagnosed ade 55.looking back I used alcohol to cope. A lot of people see you first as an addict using Adhd as an excuse,that really used to hurt. When I retired at 55 I fell of a mental cliff and drank every day for two years, this put my family through hell. I had paid to be tested for Adhd but couldn’t be medicated as have heart problems,catch 22. Discharged with a diagnosis and no help.It was hell being stuck between a rock and a hard place.when I hit the bottom and realised I was losing everything I ended up in Alcoholics Anonymous.That was a humbling experience as I worked in drug and alcohol,mental health for 35 years! But it turned out saving me, firmly believe you need a Higher Power , I can’t do this alone. I’ve had really shit days and really good ones,it really is one day at a time.The jury is still out on me continuing going to groups, A lot of A.A members don’t know or understand what it is like living with ADHD , my sponsor kind of rolled his eyes when I tried to explain🤔but the twelve steps are a life giving template for me woven into my day . I try to be kinder to myself these days,what I can do and what I can’t ,tomorrow isn’t here yet....anyway pls don’t give up,you are not alone , I am realising from this site such a kindred souls. Take care and God bless. M
Yes I was reading your comments to this post and would like to know if I could join your group on whatsapp sounds like it would really help me if so how do I join thankyou
I’ve never used drugs or alcohol, but I am definitely familiar with the sweet trappings of apathy. BSlayer mentioned physical activity and being around others, I cannot support that enough. I would also recommend trying to find some sort of creative outlet (it can be anything really as long as you enjoy it and there is some observable result). Being able to achieve something while doing things you enjoy can help foster a positive attitude and will likely be a good source of dopamine. I know it helped me tremendously.
Wishing you all the best in moving forward! Remember you are not alone.
Hope you are managing to get somewhere since yourlast post. Today I felt good in the morning then my mood plummeted , it’s so hard at times and past addictions do appear on the horizon😞ADHD is🤯, if I was left to my own devices I’d prob drink again. I spend time trying supplements and diet, at least my trying and reading up here and Additude, gives me hope along with 12 steps and my Higher Power. I don’t know what is normal but there is life to be lived with adhd and addiction
I used to smoke weed regularly until my doctor put me on an antidepressant/anxiety and mood regulator medication. Since I just haven’t had any interest anymore in smoking except for occasionally when I’m with a friend who smokes too. I also to hang out anymore with the people I used to who regularly smoke weed and drank
I can't relate to the addiction part because I have never had one apart from cigs, but I Can relate to the soulessness and the feeling of eternal boredom and lifelessness. Take time to talk to with people who are similar and you will find that you instantly feel a part of something. I'm in my 40s and find I connect to anyone who has a good energy, as in, people who may potentially be or already diagnosed with ADHD. Remember when your around people who are different to you, life can become so dull. My daughter's friends (mid 20s) bring a spark out in me, I have always said madness attracts madness, upon meeting an overly hyper friend of my daughter's yesterday within an hour, we had discussed, thinking outside the box, social conformity, what's normal and what isn't, reasons behind addictions, homelessness, Gratefulness and music artists that have no talent And under rated music artists.
My daughter laughed and said mum, you always told me madness attracts madness and your as mad as him. One thing we are expected to do is grow up thinking and acting like everyone else, but sometimes you need to be able to talk to people who think the same way you do, or else you live your life bored of everyday people because you have very little in common with them.
There is a group in the west midlands where people with mental health focus on music, poetry, modelling, photography and acting. They meet up and have a WhatsApp group, when they meet they all talk about how they have been if their up, down, manic etc and they channel their energy into the arts. I personally think the woman who set this group up should receive major recognition amongst mental health services because from by the looks of it, it's brought together a hell of a lot of people who support each other and build each others confidence.
You don't need drugs to fill a void, you need an outlet where you can be yourself without being judged or treated like your weird. Where you have the chance to let your free thoughts roam without feeling restricted by the 'normal people'
We tend to chase things that do what stimulants do. However, rather than binge eating, drinking, doing drugs, and other unhealthy means of stimulation, there are extremely healthy alternatives- like getting good exercise, detoxing your body from sugar and consuming more healthy fats and proteins, as well as laughter, listening to music you love (this has actrually been shown to release hormones), especially listening with friends, public speaking, sports, and hiking. All healthy ways to stimulate yourself, trigger happiness, and keep you mind positive at tre same time.
khayaws. the drugs are always temporary. running away from your mind and fighting your adhd will just make you more tired and frustrated and then relapse back into taking drugs. What I would suggest is the book scattered minds the origins and healing of adhd. this is a physician who wrote the book who he himself has adhd. I am in the beginning of the book but reading a book on someone who has the disorder as opposed to seeing a psychologist that has a bit of knowledge is much better. We are still in the stone age when it comes to our so called disorder. Another book I will suggest is taking charge of adhd . The best thing for you is to be EFFICIENT NOT REACTIVE sorry for the caps but its the best thing. we have to work for coping mechanisms if we want to fit into the world but if you dont want to fit in then fuck it don't . Also if this helps you we are only disabled in the eyes of what we do not know . My aunt has said to me that we are beings that are here to offer the world something different. you are smart and capable.
ppl who have been successful with adhd
1) albert einstein
2) jim carrey
3)emma Watson who has a degree in English
4) one of the presidents I dont remember which one.
i feel exactly what u feel its terrifying i took vyvanse for 7 years and i stopped at the begging of the school year and ive recently had thoughts of trying other drugs like alcohol and weed and stuff and im not of age but i have nowhere else to turn to so i get what your feeling i truly do and if there is anything i can do to help id be more than happy to
I know what its like to feel like u need to take meds to feel and be closer to normal.... ive been prescribed vyvanse before and from personal experience...it was not for me often times feeling like my life was miserable lonely and just frustrating ..even getting sooooo mad and irritated at the smallest things..which i prolly wouldnt even thnk twice abt if i didnt take vyvanse that day.
I'm struggling to feel that void along with the emotional turmoil that overtakes yourself. ❤
If I read that correctly it sounds like you've been abused and I'm so sorry you've suffered so much. You're doing your absolute best and I hope your situation has improved.❤
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