Closing One Chapter Beginning a New Chapter

[crushedsto]

My wife just recently filed for divorce , the main reason was my inability to be strong enough to overcome the symptoms of my ADHD in a time frame needed for her. I found out in Year 12 of our marriage that I have sever adult ADHD. It wasn't until my son was diagnosis and me being let go of a job for items which are directly contributed to the condition of ADD. We sought all the therapists, Got on medicine, But do to other medical conditions in our family, I had to start and stop my therapy and our couple therapy at times to pay for the medical bills for our kids which weren't covered by insurance. Insurance is whole another subject. I am on medicine and for the most part it has helped a lot, but I still have those bunny trails and I find my anxiety and mild depression at times really gets me down. I so disppointed that I was not strong enough to be able change quick enough to save my marriage. I know I was on right track and I was making progress but apparently the progress was not fast enough. We were already struggling because of all of the stuff. Now the Divorce is just going to make things all most impossible to keep a broken family up and going. My Wife apparently things will be better trying to support two households moving kids around etc is better then continuing to work as union. I have seen a lot posts where their are many supportive wives who were willing to step up and help a person move forward by just instructing their husband to do something right there and now. Mine saw that as soley my responsiblity to remember all or put tools in place to remember all. I just see that ever happening truly. I have every app, tablet, clock, sticky system in place and sometimes it is just not enough.

[Lovinit]

You can go to free Chadd meetings once a month one for adult ADHD and one for parents with children with ADHD. Hang in there. I’m sorry for this huge life change you’re dealing with. We’re hear to listen and help in anyway we can. Hang in there

[Lani24]

My marriage ended 3 years ago for similar reasons (many of my ADHD related flaws).I think for a relationship to work you have to be putting in the effort to manage your ‘symptoms’, you have to have an accepting partner that doesn’t just see you/ your having ADHD as a burden or something to fix, and own and appreciate that as equally valid humans you both have strengths to admire and build on, and weaknesses to work on and support eachother with.

I was in a dynamic where all I was, was a problem or a burden or a bunch of flaws. I needed to fix or change so that eventually I would be good enough. Looking back 3 years on and man, that is a hell I would never go back to. The heartbreak of a divorce, financial struggle, being on my own is nothing compared to the torture of having someone’s constant critising, pressure and disapproval.

You were working on it, you were supporting your family, you were trying. It’s a journey and it’s hard and without support or patience or understanding it’s an up hill miserable battle where the top of the hill is only ever to be bare minimum good enough. You can’t ever flourish or feel peace of reach a great potential under those circumstances.

If you’re next chapter is on your own, that’s okay, it’s time to work on yourself for your own damn self and not to work To improve enough to meet someone else’s standards, enough to be good enough to be loved, valued, approval etc.

Now you can have the time and space to truly accept yourself- yes there’s parts to work on, but there’s also really brilliant strengths and parts of you that I bet were squished and ignored in a relationship that focuses on how not okay you are.

I forgot what your question was, but I hope that you are able to find some peace and self acceptance, become proud of who you are including your ADHD brain and rock it. Then, eventually, next relationship, you won’t be a burden that’s needs an ultimatum to either be fixed or be abandoned- you’ll be adored and appreciated for all the parts of you.

[Nick1913]

Hey Brother,

I understand your pain, DIVORCE is no easy task. I usually don’t give advice just suggestions, but for you one small but very important piece of advice: get the best lawyer you can. I went through a divorce and got a very good lawyer, I always felt good after our conferences, and even better when his predictions turned to reality..... I feel bad for the kids cause the suffer the most, (I didn’t have any at the time)

One of my personal rules is always do your best. No matter what or how you feel. The best effort and it appears you have, so do not regret your efforts. As was said by another It is time for you to focus on yourself for yourself...(the better you become the better you will be for yourself and your kids.

Good Luck

[Hays3618]

I am going through the exact same thing. In fact I thought I was reading my story. I am at the end of my divorce and beginning to move out this weekend. It has not been easy but,being a Christian I know God has purpose in my life. I have great doctors and friends to lean on. I may not have the family I wanted but I know what to do to find peace in the future. Plus I had to become comfortable with my illness even though my ex was not willing. Will be praying for you journey.