My heart is a little broken. My husband and I were doing counseling with a therapist that knew about ADHD. She also worked with me as an individual. Well after maybe 7 sessions for couple and maybe 3 individual, she just messaged her "quitting" on us saying that we have had these sessions and haven't seen much progress. Well it's really complicated. We are really complex. I had had so much hope, but not I feel so defeated yet again. I'm just so so sad.
It is VERY hard to find a therapist that can do ADHD Marriage counseling. I wish I could afford a coach, but we really need insurance-covered therapy. We are in Colorado if anyone has suggestions.
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Avaadora007
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I'm glad that you and your husband are on the same page about marriage therapy. My wife was never on board with it, and by the time I was ready to insist that we try it, our marriage was already ending.
😔 Maybe the therapist knew about ADHD, but doesn't understand ADHD. There's definitely a difference between the two.
I would suggest that you focus on a an individual therapist who understands ADHD, and a marriage therapist who has a strong focus on helping the relationship. (You might have to help the marriage therapist to understand ADHD better.)
It seems like a very niche thing to have a marriage therapist who understands ADHD.
Based on my research into marriage therapists, I would recommend finding one who is trained in the Gottman Method*.
* (It was developed by the Gottman Institute, which has studied marriages, relationships, and divorce for over 40 years. Dr. John Gottman is a research psychologist who has also has clinical therapy research, and his wife Dr. Julie Gottman is a clinical marriage therapist who has experience with doing relationship research. Dr. John Gottman is also the author of at least a few books.)
.....
(I tried to save my marriage from divorce, but while my ADHD was a factor in our marriage struggles, the main reason that my wife filed for divorce was because she fell in love with someone else.)
This makes me sick... IT IS ABSURD... I WANT TO JUST SCREAM EVERYTHING IS ABSUUUUUURD!!! I know where you are right now, i felt defeated so many times, it is 10/10 pain right? I procrastinated 8 years (still do again, as i am completely emotionally flat now and without drive nothing is possible), and it took me 8 years to do something what takes 15-30 minutes to normal ppl... I failed on same tasks over and over again 2000+ times... Don't know about ADHD therapists, they are expensive AF! But David Goggins helped me a lot, that is before i got completely emotionally flat...
Your therapist FIRED you. I laugh at this because the exact same thing happened to my wife and me. We didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the situation. We did, however, know one thing. We knew that we could band together to prove her wrong and that kickstarted a few events that changed things. Which spouse has ADHD? In my case it's me and my psychiatrist came to our rescue. If you want to know what meds he gave me to help with my marriage, please send me a direct message. I'd be happy to share more.
I can say this, however. I realize how much of a pain my ADHD caused my marriage. I know it's still not perfect, but the medication I started taking gave us a chance to move forward and we are in a much much better place than we were 3-4 years ago. I'm in California, btw.
Sure. Memantine and Naltrexone. Nothing you've heard of before, right???? That's because they are typically used for different types of conditions and only recently have been used in studies with ADHD patients.
For Memantine, it's primarily used for Alzheimers patients. It helps with the agitation symptom...something that all of us with ADHD have. We all get excited to argue because it fills up our reward center so we almost become addicted to that feeling. Memantine will slow that argument response down so you will think before you speak.
For Naltrexone, that's normally used for addiction. It's another drug that fills up your reward center and helps your impulsivity. The idea behind it is if your reward center is filled up, your neurons will flow to your prefrontal cortex (where the rational thinking is). This is the drug that I think made the most significant change. Within a week I started to notice the change and by the second week I was in tears because of how more in tune it made me feel with those around me.
Well, she really hit the nail on the head, didn't she? Slow progress in ADHD? That's never been heard of😂But you chose the right words : " she knew about ADHD" . She might not know much...
There are a lot of people who know about ADHD... unfortunately most of them know the wrong thing: young boys who can't stay still.
Adult ADHD is still a very recent thing. 20 years of research is not much... plus it's a neurological developmental disorder...we don't even know for sure what causes it and we are miles away from fully understanding how our brain works.
It's really hard, but don't lose hope. If you think your relatjoionship is worth saving keep trying. You need the right people to help you.
There is a really good Neurologist in Portugal who is internationally renowned:
( Dr. Nuno Lobo Antunes) He usually treats children with ASD, but try reaching out by email.
Expose your situation and maybe he can point out someone who can help you. Maybe you can have your appointments on Zoom or Skype. From what i know, even in the private sector, with no insurance, healthcare here is cheaper than in the US. An appointment costs about 90 euros ( 100 US dollars more or less)... I don't know how much you were paying ...
Give it a try. You have nothing to lose.
The clinic it's called P.I.N. ( Partners in Neuroscience). You can find it online ( pin.pt).
Good luke
( Forgive my english - it's not my first language😅)
Since my diagnosis two years ago, I have been through six therapists, all of whom were so-called experts. I'm starting with a new one tomorrow - I hope it goes somewhere good.
Keep looking, and don't waste time with therapists who simply don't know what they're doing. It gets pretty obvious pretty quickly - don't hesitate to call them out if you think it's going in a non- or counterproductive direction.
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Therapist Diagnosed at 35
58 Male - Just diagnosed and confused and stressing
feeling lost
Is this a therapist red-flag or am I being sensitive?
