I was diagnosed nearly 4 years ago, and thought that meds was all i needed. Really, everything is good now right? I would have kept believing that if it wasn't for a woman.
Her name is Jessica, and she runs an awesome youtube channel simply titled "How to ADHD" if you haven't bewn there, give it a look, really!
The first time i saw her was in a recording of her TED Talk; which first of all, had me crying, secondly got me to start watching her content, and thirdly, to learn that there is so much more to my brain.
And to know I'm not alone.
There are days when I'm on my meds and something hits me from out of no where and I'm thrown into a tailspin. If I'm near my wife usually the first words out of her mouth have been "did you take your meds today?" I've talked to her about how hurtful that is, and she's stepped back on that phrase a little, butit still comes out on occasion.
There are so many strategies out there, and it's amazing to me, mind blowing actually all the different things we are still learning about the brain and how we function.
Meds help, but i am not "Fixed now" like i told myself for a few years.
As a child i just decided i was stupid, lazy. But at least i could be entertaining. I pursued theater acting, directing, the arts. I would pick-up a script and work it, read it write it memorize it. It took forever, but then i could dive into the iner workings of an indevidual character. There is so much more then just lines, there is the movment of your body, the things you say with a look, your focus, a hand gesture, or the ones you turn away from. And then i learned about improvisation!
I got through college! With a hs gpa of around 2 in highschool, i studied acting and directing, and passed every class. The generals was another struggle entirely, but i made it through.
Then I dropped the ball. I graduated. And hearing the statistics "95% of all working actors, are unemployed as actors." And so the old voice came back. I had obligations, a new wife, why try something, if you are just going to fail.
I moved back home, and started working in a factory. Feeling crushed, i still was able to tell myself "i am paying the bills...
A few years after that my mom took me in to be tested for vision tharapy, and yes, OH YES, it was something i benefited from. Discovering you've been reading at a 5th grader's reading speed all your life was a little be demoralizing.
I went through the program costing thousands of dollars, and it did help. My eyes have trouble tracking correctly, and through this program i was able to see starioscopicly for the first time. In really 3d binocular vision, and it was AMAZING! My mom had always wondered if i had dyslexia or other problems, but i wasn't outwardly hyper, or a difficult child, so i was never tested for ADHD.
But that therapy requires life long exercise, and self motivated therapy practice... And once the excitment and novelty wore off, i haven't really kept up with it.
To my mom this was the simple solution. "His eyes were the problem, wich is why he has always under achieved"
to my wife and myself for so long we thought "now that he has medication the problem should go away!"
There is so much more. It is a whole spectrum of difficulties that all work together, all mixing and mashing together, that I'm slowly trying to untangle.
My eyesight is only a part of the whole, and since the problem originates in my brain anyway, at least it's all centralized.
There is so much to learn, and unlearn as well. When it comes right down to it, if i was a computer, it isn't just the software, the operating system itself is different from so many around me, because my brain works differntly.
I'm striving to work with what i have rather than against it.
Go watch some TED Talks, especially Jessica's. Or "How to ADHD" Cut yourself some slack, stop feeling boiled down by statistics, and then go see what you can do. I'm writing my first play in years. And we'll see what comes of it.
Peace, love and happiness.