What changed my mind about treatment - CHADD's Adult ADH...

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What changed my mind about treatment

Cyrano_de_Bergerac profile image

I was diagnosed nearly 4 years ago, and thought that meds was all i needed. Really, everything is good now right? I would have kept believing that if it wasn't for a woman.

Her name is Jessica, and she runs an awesome youtube channel simply titled "How to ADHD" if you haven't bewn there, give it a look, really!

The first time i saw her was in a recording of her TED Talk; which first of all, had me crying, secondly got me to start watching her content, and thirdly, to learn that there is so much more to my brain.

And to know I'm not alone.

There are days when I'm on my meds and something hits me from out of no where and I'm thrown into a tailspin. If I'm near my wife usually the first words out of her mouth have been "did you take your meds today?" I've talked to her about how hurtful that is, and she's stepped back on that phrase a little, butit still comes out on occasion.

There are so many strategies out there, and it's amazing to me, mind blowing actually all the different things we are still learning about the brain and how we function.

Meds help, but i am not "Fixed now" like i told myself for a few years.

As a child i just decided i was stupid, lazy. But at least i could be entertaining. I pursued theater acting, directing, the arts. I would pick-up a script and work it, read it write it memorize it. It took forever, but then i could dive into the iner workings of an indevidual character. There is so much more then just lines, there is the movment of your body, the things you say with a look, your focus, a hand gesture, or the ones you turn away from. And then i learned about improvisation!

I got through college! With a hs gpa of around 2 in highschool, i studied acting and directing, and passed every class. The generals was another struggle entirely, but i made it through.

Then I dropped the ball. I graduated. And hearing the statistics "95% of all working actors, are unemployed as actors." And so the old voice came back. I had obligations, a new wife, why try something, if you are just going to fail.

I moved back home, and started working in a factory. Feeling crushed, i still was able to tell myself "i am paying the bills...

A few years after that my mom took me in to be tested for vision tharapy, and yes, OH YES, it was something i benefited from. Discovering you've been reading at a 5th grader's reading speed all your life was a little be demoralizing.

I went through the program costing thousands of dollars, and it did help. My eyes have trouble tracking correctly, and through this program i was able to see starioscopicly for the first time. In really 3d binocular vision, and it was AMAZING! My mom had always wondered if i had dyslexia or other problems, but i wasn't outwardly hyper, or a difficult child, so i was never tested for ADHD.

But that therapy requires life long exercise, and self motivated therapy practice... And once the excitment and novelty wore off, i haven't really kept up with it.

To my mom this was the simple solution. "His eyes were the problem, wich is why he has always under achieved"

to my wife and myself for so long we thought "now that he has medication the problem should go away!"

There is so much more. It is a whole spectrum of difficulties that all work together, all mixing and mashing together, that I'm slowly trying to untangle.

My eyesight is only a part of the whole, and since the problem originates in my brain anyway, at least it's all centralized.

There is so much to learn, and unlearn as well. When it comes right down to it, if i was a computer, it isn't just the software, the operating system itself is different from so many around me, because my brain works differntly.

I'm striving to work with what i have rather than against it.

Go watch some TED Talks, especially Jessica's. Or "How to ADHD" Cut yourself some slack, stop feeling boiled down by statistics, and then go see what you can do. I'm writing my first play in years. And we'll see what comes of it.

Peace, love and happiness.

5 Replies
lisariver profile image

Congrats on writing your first play. That's really cool and exciting. You've done so well to finish college! I wish I had:(

I, too, had some visual problems that I didn't become aware of until somewhat recently. I struggled with reading music when I was in school, the notes and the lines moved around on me, or with stairs, when i was really young, the lines tricked my eyes confusing and changing their depth. It's true there is so much to learn, it is a whole spectrum of interwoven challenges and discoveries we're working with.

Lovinit profile image

I cried to when i watched her ted talk video i also cried with the one where she says thank you to her mom for druging her. My parents aren’t a part of helping me treat my adhd. In high school everyone thought my hearing lose was why i was struggling. $2,000 dollars later a pair of hearing aids i hated wearing was embarrassed and they didn’t fit right so i didn’t ware them. But, two years ago, i got tested again and hearing aids have come along way. They’re digital now and so tiny, no one knows you’re wearing them. And my insurance covered 90% of the cost for a pair. I need hearing aids and now wear them but i also have adhd. LOL, I got off to topic.



lisariver profile image
lisariver in reply to Lovinit

I don't know if you've studied or know sign language but I've always felt a great affinity for it, like it was my mother tongue (even over english)and I keep trying to learn it online through Bill Vicars' course.

I will have to watch this Tedtalk you both mention. Thanks

CKeane4359 profile image

I love that you are embracing your ADHD. I as well, diagnosed a year and a half ago, at 57 years old, I'm a female. It was like a light bulb going off, and said to myself, so, this is WHY. I also love Jessica McCabe and how to ADHD, glad you mentioned it as well. I educated myself with that channel, as well as podcasts with Dr. Ned Hallowell, Eric Tivers, and many more. I have always enjoyed research, so this was a wonderful exercise, that I actually still enjoy. I was on meds as well, and because of $$ and losing my job/insurance, I had to wean myself off of them. I did lose my job which was a good thing since they did not understand my ADHD and made my life a living hell. I actually have a formal Complaint with the Division of Human Rights against them right now, which I believe I have a very good chance of winning. I documented everything. Especially the comment in an email, that "I have to get my meds in order" as well as " You must stop rolling your eyes and breathing heavy sighs during meetings". I did this because I knew I was sighing due to my anxiety, which upset me, hence, I rolled my eyes. My point it, when we believe in something wholeheartedly, we must move forward. I applaud you in writing! Keep up the good, awesome, special work!

I've actually come forward at my work, and rather then struggling to read tech documents and try and figure our procedural script on my own and being labled slow at my work and unable to manage my time, i actually stepped forward for the first time, and asked my manager if there were any considerations we could work on to make work more manageable and give them the potential i know i have.

I was scared, usually am. I can stand on a stage and do practicly anything, but talking about me, my truth was hard. "I'm different and i need help, because I'm not preforming to your standards, when i know i can, but trying harder and being scard of being in trouble isn't working. Holding a gun to my head wouldn't keep my mind from wondering."

He was glad i talked to him. We had talked in the past and he had said if there was anything i needed to let him know. One of the few managers that i felt ment it to me.

Meeting with HR. My trainer. And the manager, and we're still trying out diffrent strategies. But I've seen a change! For updates my trainer has started reading me important notes and rather then just reading procedures I'm going through them step by step, and given extra time with compliance tests!

Years of being written off as lazy, things have started to change

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