Given Up.

[Codebox42]

I've given up on seeking help at this point. It seems whenever I try and seek help, it never wants to find me. It also doesn't help I'm increasingly lonely and self critical and it's become harder to maintain a steady friendship with people. And people around me don't really make it much better. I just don't see the point anymore. Apologizes if this sounds very doubtful and self pity, it wasn't really my intention and I couldn't find another way to phrase it, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

[lisariver]

Why do you think you're self-critical? I have been too, my role models were very critical. For me, it's a part of my ACA control and defense mechanisms against the fear around unpredictable, anticipated injuries. Then it can sort of turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Rickytshirt]

I'm very self-critical but most often refuse to obey that little voice in my head that puts me down. Focus on the things you love. Try new things that have some kind of a social element and take some risks. It's intimidating but can be a great way to gain confidence in the longer term.

[dubstepMaul]

I agree with Rickytshirt. Also, try not to give in to the negative self-talk. Counter it and refute it.

[Lovinit]

I get frustrated and feel in the moment like giving up, the is I really haven’t, my therapist pointed that out to me as being one of my qualities. I’ve been in a rut most of my life and I’m still struggling. But one thing that has recently changed for me is I found someone in my town on meetup.com ADHD who has ADHD and has spent years figuring out what works for her. She devotes she time meeting other with ADHD who want help with their life. I feel very lucky and this is the first time in my life I have someone like her in my life. You can do this. I think we face so many road blocks and when we do have an ah ha moment it’s tiny compared to everything thing we still are struggling with in life. But we can’t give up. When I think about giving up, I think about what my life would look/feel like and it doesn’t suit me because I do care and do want the best life I can have for myself. Being mindful, notice what your mind and body wants/needs. Take a break, play, rest, self care sometimes the answers to problems just appear when you’re not forcing it.

I always liked reading your posts and I think your pretty awesome and I think being awesome isn’t everyone and I think I’m the only person who’s like me and sometimes, a lot of the time it can be lonely. Hang in there. You’re a cool person and you got this!

[dgs2018]

I agree that playing to your strengths will best enable you to deal with areas that you don't excel at. Rickytshirt makes a good point. We all have to deal with ourselves, but it's much harder when you see what's wrong to focus and keep going. Negativity pulls you down and it's treating yourself poorly. You can handle this and excel in your aspirations.

[cjnolet]

You should read Brene Brown's "Braving the Wilderness". It's been massively eye opening to me. At some point life becomes about amplifying what you bring to the world and treating negative bystanders as random noise (to be ignored).

Being self-critical is a strength, in my opinion, if used as a tool for bettering yourself. If others are critical of you, evaluate the sources and whether or not you believe their opinions are valid- even if it's family.

Growing up, I wasn't much into socializing with others unless it was about whatever hot new topic I happened to be obsessive over at the time. Most of the time that meant it was either music or computer programming. At 8 years old, my grandfather told me "Corey, computers are not a lifestyle. It's not healthy to be on them so much". My dad used to call me abnormal and tell me "normal kids don't do that...". I still hear his voice in my head even as an adult. The difference is that now I LOVE being abnormal because, by definition, you cannot change the world by doing what everyone is doing.

Flash forward several years- my grandfather has a new respect for me because of all my cousins, i've got the highest salary, highest education level, and I'm able to pay for my wife, 3 kids, a beautiful house, 2 cars, and college accounts on my own salary. The point is, just because people have opinions that are critical of you doesn't make them right. You HAVE to follow your heart (I have a montage of Eminem's "You only get one shot" playing in the back of my head right now, lol).

We all grow up and eventually have to become independent creatures able to survive and thrive on our own. You need to build your own reality and you need to own that reality. Others can have a voice, but you shouldn't have to guarantee any action on your part as a result of their voice. Does that make sense?

I recently pondered what life would be like without struggle, without anxiety, and with eternal contentment. I can say, I don't believe a life like that would be fruitful or filled with much success. In a similar vein to the drug Soma in the story Brave New World, if nobody ever had a reason to struggle, would anybody ever strive for success? If food and housing were always provided and we never needed to try at anything, evolution would eventually have us die off. ADHD has stayed in the gene pool for this long. Why? It's because we struggle and then we thrive.