I am beginning to think I have a form of adhd.

[Gaztots]

Hi everyone. Im 44 and have struggled my whole life with low self esteem, poor attention, crap memory, anxiety and panic attacks . The list goes on. It is only now that I have a 4 year old, who also has attention issues and has been referred to occupational therapy that I have had a penny drop and can see traits of adhd in myself, after researching online for my daughter and how to help her.

My whole life I have struggled to hold down a job, struggled with finances, still do to this day, struggled with anxiety and healthy relationships with others. Growing up I was classed as a day dreamer. I am now happily married and a father, but my memory and attention have caused tension between me and my wife.

My wife could be talking about something that she has already told me before, and I have no idea what she's talking about. It actually got to the stage where I would pretend to remember and just agree with what she's saying to avoid an argument. I even would think that it was my wife who only thought she told me something when she didn't. My wife would accuse me of not listening to her and not caring, which isn't the case.

I also lose things I set down all the time, it's not even funny, it gets so frustrating. My last job as a courier, every single day, I would misplace my scanner on numerous occasions.

I struggle reading long tedious text, often skim missing most of the info. This is all having a big impact on my daily life.

Anyways I have been reading posts from others on here, and I can relate to so much, although I am not hyperactive, but am very impulsive. My doc has been treating me for depression and anxiety for years, but I have made the decision to speak to him about the possibility of adhd. I am in the UK, so im not sure what the doc will suggest, and am even afraid he will not take me seriously, I will update on here when I speak to him.

I just want to thank everyone here for sharing their stories.

[cjnolet]

And I'm sure you are very brilliant, thoughtful, creative, meticulous, and spontaneous as well, right?

Your post is very familiar to me. My wife and I used to go through the "You love talking about what's on your mind but you never actually listen to what I say" conversations frequently.

I also struggled in school as a youth and it wasn't until I got to college that I realized my hyperfocus is a superpower and the public school system is busted.

If you do end up an ADHD diagnosis, I believe you will go through an initial stage where everything seems hopeless. I believe it may also help your wife research the *real* symptoms behind the disorder and not just what's been commercialized through drug companies and journalists. In time, I'm sure she will learn to notice the quirks and accept them as strengths.

Perspective and positivity can do a lot for your mental and physical health. Before long, I believe you will conclude, as I have, that our differences from the neurotypical give us quite an advantage despite the behaviors that some see as detrimental.

Good luck!

[Gaztots in reply to cjnolet]

Thankyou very much for that cjnolet. I have often been accused of not caring by my wife about 'her things and not listening, and it hurts when she thinks this.

I have just started seeing a therapist about my anxiety and have another appointment in just over a week, so I think I will discuss adhd and testing with him. I am hoping if I can fully understand why I am who I am, I can work on the negatives and lead a more normal 'organised life.

Can I ask a question, I find during moments of heightened anxiety, that my memory and attention are at their worse, do you experience that as well?

Again, thank you for your reply.

[VronMc in reply to Gaztots]

Just wanted to say, my memory and attention are definitely worse the more stressed, anxious and depressed I am. I saw my GP on Monday to ask for an ADHD assessment referral, and I was in a ridiculously bad anxious, scattered state beforehand, as I tried to organise all the things I wanted to say. I was also worried I wouldn't be taken seriously, luckily I have a good GP and she even said it was good I'd managed to figure out so much by myself. I felt better afterwards (and a bit of random retail therapy helped as well!) but my partner and I just had a conversation about how we don't think my symptoms have ever been as bad as they are this week. But I know it won't always be like this and if I can get some help things could improve a lot. Good luck!

[Gaztots in reply to VronMc]

Thanks for that. I definitely feel worse when stressed, and I hate doctors appointments, trying to remember what I want to say and ask. Luckily I also have a good community mental health team,and they are taking my concerns serious. I'm being referred to a psychiatrist, however there May be a waiting list to see him of about 1 year.