Hi I’m new 🤨.. new at this.. newly diagnosed and new on medication!! 😊
Since I can remember I’ve always been angry at the world, angry that for some reason I felt different like an outsider and angry that I never could get stuff right, or done on time or even done at all in some cases. I was known as the wild child in my family ... amongst the friends I did have I was the crazy one who you had to pre warn others about. “She’s a bit loud” “she swears a lot”. I only felt my happiest when I was completely drunk and making a fool of myself or taking drugs. (6 years no drugs) I have such an addictive personality and was so easily lead that I ended up in some stupid situations. But hey I wanted to fit in..
Eventually I pulled myself away from all my friends if the hurt me I would cut contact completely and the others well I was so rubbish with time keeping and keeping dates they kinda gave up on me. For 10 years I’ve tried every antidepressant they have given me just for it to make me feel worse, my partner has put up with my mood swings, childish behaviour, immature emotional outburst... even I feel like a 10 year old out of control sometimes but I’m 35.... 35 and 1 close friend who kinda understands me... 18 months ago I was put on the waiting list for ADHD it was a long 18 months but the minute I was diagnosed I felt like the puzzle in my brain was on the start to getting solved... like somebody actually understood me... all my life I felt different and all of a sudden this person completely knew what I was on about even though I sounded insane... 😀... he started me on Ritalin straight away. Just low dose short release and it’s made such a big impact already, I feel calmer and my outbursts are less my children even say I seem happier, I try and eat clean and drink water to as I want to do all I can to help myself, all these years of compulsive behaviour, addictive personality, no organisation or time keeping, emotional outbursts of anger and childish behaviour and I might be able to actually feel like an adult who has control of her life, I’ve got a hell of a long way to go and it will take time as ADHD does a lot of damage to your survival mechanisms u just learn to survive and exist now it’s learning to live and be part of the world. I’ve wasted so much time on feeling ashamed feeling like a let down, under achieving, angry with the world and thinking everything and everyone is against me... I always knew I wasn’t just depressed and that my forgetfulness wasn’t because I was just lazy and non productive... thank you for reading sorry I ranted on...💪🏻together we are stonger❤️❤️❤️