Drowning in my own little world. My body can't keep up with reality and my thoughts anymore. I feel so disconnected from everything

[Maria1275]

Hi my name is Maria .I been wanting to do this for a long time but somehow I didn't . Just like everything else. Am a 42 year old mother of 4 amazing kids .I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression maybe 7,8 ,9 years ago can't remember . before it was just according to doctors postpartum depression but I always felt like that just wasn't it ..since I remember I was always the different, weird, antisocial, stuck-up,quiet,etc. Am always been extremely insecure am people will tell me that I was just saying that I was fat ,or I didn't look good because I wanted attention but I didn't see myself the way the see me .so I had less and less friends because they just didn't understand .I am the most unhappy positive person you will ever met but somehow I been feeling so stuck and lonely for so long ,and is very painful.my husband is constantly criticizing me for everything I do .I do alot of projects all the time . housework is not enough for me .I live learning different things every day (hate studying just learning ) but nothing sticks .I have so many notebook of stuff and ideas .I think am very creative .so every day I get so many ideas but my body doesn't work as fast as my head so am at least 3 years behind .I built a tree house with concrete floors,a big sand box that now is a relaxing area with a fire place ,I built a giant rocks for my kids to just to the pool,I built a outside bar ,very cool bar .,I built a big fire place with sitting and walls and ceiling ,let me putit this way I have another house in my back yard.not including my front yard.i have over 100 sculptures of concrete ,the inside of my house is all decorated ,very beachy eclectic.but some how am still good for nothing .am so insolated that I don't want to stop making projects so I do think or feel how I feel . because no one can understand and help .I don't give up that easy but I don't know why I can't do nothing .I am desperately needing help . thanks Maria

[Lexieloodles]

Hi Maria,

Just wanted to offer my support! It's getting late here in Seattle, so I won't be able to leave a longer response tonight, but I feel your pain! I have a lot of the same issues that you have and understand how frustrating it all can be! Just for the record, you sound like a pretty amazing person! Wish I had your ability/creativity!

[Maria1275 in reply to Lexieloodles]

Thank you for your kind words ,you have no idea how it feels to hear nice words for people that don't even know you . thanks you.

[Emiloop]

Maria, I wish I had your creativity, that's so amazing. You can research psychologist that specialize in add/ADHD so you can find some support and not go through this alone. There are also groups led by experienced practitioners which would help. Being around other people who struggle with the same things you do always helped me. Be kind to yourself because you deserve it.

[Maria1275 in reply to Emiloop]

Thank you for your support . I had changed so many doctors and therapist because they don't seen to help no matter what I say they will only say make an appointment for next time and I hope you feel better .like I have a cold .my husband just got fired two weeks ago as I was looking for a lawyer to help me .he controls everything and he makes it imposible for me to work but nobody will help because I don't have any money .I try to go back to school but my application was denied because he makes to much but I don't see any of that ..I feel bad now because he is making everyone feeling like am the worse human being in the world .I looked for group,but somehow when I leave my house at cheating . The thing about me is that am very persistent .

[Emiloop in reply to Maria1275]

Hi again Maria, gosh, you are going through quite a bit. The amazing thing about you is that you create. I myself have lost my creativity and just want to be in bed all day. Have you ever tried CBD Hemp Oil? It's legal in all 50 States and it's supposed to help brain disorders. Here is a good book to get Healing With Hemp Oil: A Simple Guide to Using the Powerful and Proven Health Benefits of CBD Paperback – November 6, 2017 by Earl Mindell RPh MH PhD (Author). I wish you all the best.

[sorryiforgot in reply to Emiloop]

Hi , how was your experience with hemp oil?, Thanks

[trillium42]

Wow, Maria, that sounds like you have accomplished some amazing things while raising your kids! I certainly know how great it is to learn and do new things (and I also have a bunch of unfinished craft projects, unplayed instruments, etc, that I hope to get back to someday!). Could you find any kind of local groups of artists, crafters, builders/DIYers, etc, with which to connect? You might find some like-minded souls and get support in what you love to do. I know reaching out can be hard but it can help so much, even if just to feel less isolated.

[Maria1275 in reply to trillium42]

Thank you for responding to my post ,I don't wish on anyone to feel this way but in a way it feels good to know that you are not the only one .am just a little upset that the fear that I get went I go so anything outside my home it makes me mad that as much as I get upset some how I can't do anything about it .but all you guys words hopefully will just pushed me out little by little . Thank you so much .

[Hidden]

Maria, you can be proud of yourself for reaching out. Please make an appt. with a psychiatrist & behavioral health therapist, and print out what you wrote above to take to the appointment you make with them. If they advise taking medication, please do so. Consider yourself your next big project and rebuild you. Your children need you to be your best self and you can't do that if you are depressed and have low self-esteem.

I speak from experience so please trust what I have said above. I imagine making things from concrete in your backyard isn't easy and going through therapy will not be easy either. But if you can plan and tackle concrete projects, you can do the same to rebuild yourself.

Best wishes for a healthier you in 2018.

[Maria1275]

Thank you for taking the time to respond,now I days people see it as a waste of time to help or just listened to someone. I do see a doctor and I used to see a therapist .I take aderall XR but I it keeps me motivated only half of the day And the rest an pushing my self to finish my day .is day zero for me every day .I just want to to to day two .it sounds like I haven't tried anything but you have no idea that is why I said am the most positive , persistent unhappy person .but like my resent response all you amazing kind and supportive words with push me more and more every day. Front the bottom of my heart .thank you for your support .

[Hopeful888 in reply to Maria1275]

Doctor should be able to prescribe a short release medication after the xr wears off

[Finoo]

Maria , please remember no one , not even your husband has the right to treat you like this. You sound like a persistent, hard working person, and you can do whatever you put your mind to. Sit down and talk to your husband and get the help you need.

[house77]

Hi maria1275,

I would seriously think of getting rid of the hubby, I had a lot of mental abuse from people when I was youner, it damages you, takes away all your. Confidence, leaving you feeling worthless.

You don't need it.. Start standing up for yourself Maria, don't let your hubby think its ok to abuse you this way. Big hugsxx

[Zoe1964]

Hi Maria - your husband is controlling and that's a form of abuse. Abusive men will spot a vulnerable or insecure woman a long way off. They are drawn to them. This kind of relationship saps all your energy until you feel you have no way out.

[1victor]

Your creativeness sounds really wonderfull. You should make a business of it in creative rocks landscaping. Maybe start by volunteering to do something for a friend's yard or at your church grounds. I remember there was a place that a man made a replica of Christ's tomb and the grounds nearby. People would come to see it from all around. It was an awesome experience to visit it. You are very talented. A gift that God gave you. Put it to good use so that others can enjoy. Like Flintsone village. Make your mark, you have a talent that others can enjoy. At the same time it is a way to use those energies and get frustrations out and released while building your self esteem. Have your kids help you. That's commeradere and teaching them a talent also. It will build your own self confidence and a proud sense of accomplishment. Go for it. You CAN do it. God be with you on your new adventure!

[Hidden]

Hi, Maria, I have to say for a person with ADHD, you have accomplished a huge amount of creative tasks and should be proud of yourself. We often forget to give ourselves compliments and let the criticism of others override our own inner voice. I’m an artist and I come nowhere near you in completing anything ever, lol. I can’t even keep notebooks. I do share this intense sense of lonliness with you, I think our main problem is that people that are unlike us are just busy carrying out all kind of boring tasks in this ridged modern society we live in. They may even look a bit robotic to us. Just tell your husband to live with it or ask him to be someone else than he is and ask him how that would work for him. 😉 I know it’s hard even for us to swing from one thing to another in our heads and in our world. You are a good person, it’s often forgotten in our modern society, how valuable it is to be a good person even if we accomplish nothing. Everyone has to be driven to a point of stress to prove themselves worthy, I think it’s nonsense. Just be happy, try to find some ADHD friends in your area, laugh with them about how stupid everyone else is 😉 and how crazily we live on our planet today, I think that might help. They are lonely too. Best of luck.

[Hidden]

I don’t know what your situation is, but I can’t recommend to anyone to split up their family. My partner and I don’t always see eye to eye, but he knows my shortcomings and tolerates them to a certain point. He used to critize me a lot more before but he has also taught me little tricks to be more organized, like with keys and my glasses and stuff like that. We have to remember it’s not always easy for people like my man, who is super functional, to live with people like us. So in your case it might not be abuse but maybe he gets irritated. There maybe something he can help you with or maybe a marriage counselor could help, it doesn’t mean that the relationship is doomed.

[Ibshopin]

I applaud you for completing your projects, I'm very creative as well and have all the supplies to do them, you have conquered something that most of us dream of. I'm sure your husband is perfect, does nothing wrong, helps with the kids and the house too. My point is someone who is not ADHD cannot understand, he needs education or awhallop across his head. You are an amazing woman, be proud of who you are. You deserve to be treated with respect and not to be spoken to like that. I really believe if you have the money seek couceling for the to of you with someone who specializes in ADHD. Maybe if someone can explain your brain to him words he can understand he will be more supportive. If not, well that is for you to decide. Just remember you will always have support from me and the other ADDers on here.

I sure hope that makes sense. Good luck. Smile and laugh when he trips over one of your sculptures. 😋

[Lyuda]

Hello Marina! Don’t think that you are alone in this world. There are so many people that have same challenges every day. Back to your hubby: I think you are in toxic relationship that ruining your life. Start looking for escape opportunities. It’s not gonna get better.

And second try Headspace app meditation. They have different techniques that address distractibility , focus, motivation, etc.

but ADDers are very stubborn people, so we can do it if we want !

I agree, it’s difficult to find a good therapist, so I just find online resources. It’s all there. So much information that can help you better that therapist. Get insights from those, and

Stay strong!

[AlmostAlone]

Don't give up Maria!, There are many of us on this Earth feeling very much like you believe it or not. So never feel alone! Be easy on yourself, and allow yourself to celebrate the little things in life whatever those may be, allow yourself to feel satisfaction and happiness about all you've been able to create! It sounds like you are a very gifted person, so don't ever let others get in the way of that..the only things stopping us sometimes are ourselves! Allow yourself to live again, be loved and feel it, be happy and feel it, be content with who we are, and all our accomplishments. You sound like you've accomplished to create and build many things, and for that when you look at those things you should be able to feel accomplishment and happiness for building things that helped in creating many happy memories for your family 👪 and will be cherished 💑 forever. Best of luck to you!

[leighan]

You have a lot of energy and are very creative. You could probably turn that into your own business! Maybe just get some help with organizing your thoughts and you could help other people by building things for them! Get a therapist or a life coach to help with the things that are the biggest obstacle for you. How are your children? Do any of them suffer with symptoms of ADHD? I missed the symptoms in my own children because at the time I was raising them I was terribly distracted myself!

[Hidden]

First of all it sounds like you are an amazing wonderful mother!! That is the most important thing!! If it’s your husband putting you down then he is a jerk and wants you to feel bad about yourself. Just look at your kids every day and know how much they li you and always will.

[Frankman]

Good luck Maria you sound amazing! Maybe you could use your creativity to express how you feel through concrete sculptures?

[Musicever]

Same me too stuck with anxiety depression and add non one understands it no one will understand add symptoms

[Helloworld123456]

Is Maria real?

[AshaAfiya]

I just want to tell you that you're awesome. I completely understand what you're going through. And you're absolutely not alone.

My ADHD coach taught me the silly thing which kind of works to remind myself and I'm grounded and everything will be okay. You squeeze your toes and your shoes whatever you are to remind myself to be present. Remind yourself that everything is going to be okay.. ask yourself what is the next best thing I can do... And only focus on doing the next best thing... Not how you suck at everything else or how you should have done other things.

[JazzElvis1]

hi Maria, have you tried medication?