We are having my 3rd grade son reevaluated to see if he can qualify for more services--he has a speech-only IEP along with the accommodations that got rolled over from his 504, including breaks when needed. I am looking for suggestions about what might be helpful to request.
He is in trouble all the time--weekly, at present--either losing recess or sitting in the office and missing out on class time. He has very poor impulse control and gets easily overstimulated--and the more overstimulated he is, whether by excitement or distress, the more impulsive he gets, which can lead to either peers getting hurt or disrupting class.
He's banned from part of the playground because he was sticking his leg or arm out at classmates as he spun around. He's banned from the library at lunch because he was running around with a peer. He spent recess in the office because he kept blurting out answers in class despite multiple reminders. He spent morning line up time sitting in the Quiet Area because he'd been swinging his backpack at a classmate (who was swinging back). He lost recess and was threatened with suspension because he pointed a finger gun at the principal while waiting to be picked up after school and bored. Etc. And these are all a bit more tame than the problems at the end of last school year.
When I'm with him, if I notice him starting to get overstimulated or wound up, I tell him, and have him breath and slow down and regulate before continuing, or find a new activity if needed. They don't seem to have the personnel or wherewithal to have someone do this enough at school--they have him calm down AFTER he's in trouble, despite the "breaks when needed" in his accommodations.
We have an IEP meeting for him next week (that they scheduled without even consulting us about the day or time). What would be reasonable services or accommodations for us to request be added?
I should add that the principal is convinced he is a malicious, aggressive kid and always tells us how blatantly intentional his actions were, and his teacher emailed us to ask us to "talk to him about his impulse control" when he was blurting out too much, as if we can just tell him to stop and he can then stop. 🙄 So there's not a lot of empathy for him, and I don't expect the school to come to the table with great suggestions. The psychologist and special Ed teacher who are conducting his evaluations are both new and don't really know him.
Thanks in advance.
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You're right to schedule the meeting. The school should be working with you on this, and the meeting is your opportunity to lay out where they are not meeting his needs and why that is affecting his behavior. If they want improvements in his behavior, punishments aren't going to be the solution. They need to understand what he needs in the moment and have a para attend to that before it escalates into the undesired behaviors. I don't know much about the Behavior Intervention Plan process and whether it would be appropriate for your child, but it sounds like it could be. I think they would be required to explore this if you suggested it at the IEP meeting.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have similar experiences with my 6 year old. He hits and pulls down his pants at school and I get an email to "talk to him about it". But I find that after the fact is not helpful. I have a 504 meeting later this month and I wanted them to help him de-escalate things before he gets to the point of hitting. But I am not sure they have the staffing for this. Hope things get better for your son and the school can make some changes to support him.
If I were you I’d ask the school to have a BCBA do a behavioral evaluation for your kid. Every school district should have one. If they are concerned about his actions they need to come up with a plan written in the IEP addressing these concerns with his impulse control etc and disruptive behavior in class. I am going through this process with my 6yr old now, And I always ask the teacher what positive reinforcement strategies are the teachers using to get my son to comply with the task at hand during class. Keep them accountable, send emails so it’s documented that you’re trying to work together with the school staff, before they try to suspend him.
I empathize with your situation and relate personally. First , the school district needs to give you at least 5 days notification of an IEP meeting (unsure if its NYS or general). You are a team member, not only school staff and therefore should be informed and accommodated. Second, I agree with a behavioral evaluation by a professional if it is done right. What happened before , during and after? Triggers? The focus should be less on the behavior and more on the message/communication behind the behavior. What does he need help with? Counseling and Parent training can be services requested on the IEP. Counseling can be done by the school psychologist to figure out his feelings etc. Get to the root cause. Lastly, impulse control and ADHD is real. They can't control it and possibly some form of medication may be helpful fir the ADHD component (this suggestion coming from a mom that doesn't support medication, however has seen a difference once child started). You're not alone in this, we are here to support you.
I’m sorry mama. This is a tough situation that a lot of us have lived through. I agree with all the posters above. It is super important to be an advocate for your child for his entire school career. One thing stood out to me and that is the school taking away his recess. He needs that time to move. That is a way for him to help regulate. One thing we had our elementary school do is give my son an extra gym class with older kids. And that helped break his day up. Also like the other posters, medication is key to help with his impulsivity. It won’t fix it completely but it will help curb it a bit. Also parent training is important for you to learn how to manage. And the idea for a para to be near him is a great idea. We had the school counselor work with our son during recess. And they helped direct some of the play with other kids that our son got along with. And that helped cultivate a successful recess that also got some of his energy out. I wish you all the best. It’s so hard being a parent to an adhd child, but it’s been a blessing!!
Hi, oh man, there's a small piece of me that hates school administrators when they act like these behaviors are crimes. I get where you are coming from. They make you feel like you are the worst parent in the entire world.
I would ask for a well-trained paraprofessional for behavior support. The para should be a one-to-one person specifically for your child. I would also suggest getting a formal diagnosis which is different from an evaluation. I found the diagnosis stopped administrators from relying on punishments at every possible turn.
On your end I would strongly suggest monitoring diet if you don't already. Over the years (my son is in 6th grade) I have found it makes a difference. I eliminated as many toxins as I can control, not only sugar but also food dyes and preservatives, and it has truly helped.
Are there specific things that can help a child "qualify" for a paraprofessional? I understand they are loathe to provide them because of the cost and difficulty in finding them.
Yes, it's true sometimes they don't want to provide due to cost and yes, qualified paras are far and few between. On the quality issue I find that as a parent you can sometimes share some tips for working with your child. I also try to share our goals and see if we can collectively come up with ways the para can help meet those goals.
On the topic of qualifying that's trickier because each child has an individual education plan so there is no standard for 'qualification'. However, I would think based on your description of the behaviors the teachers would support your request as it leads to less distraction for them.
Looks like you've made a list of their complaints so I would take each one of those behaviors and try to indicate how a 1:1 para can help redirect before the behaviors begin. Should sound like "a para can help encourage his body control when he's waiting on line" or "a para can explain expected behaviors before going to the playground and offer rewards when achieved" or whatever you want to highlight. Maybe the para can be the one to take him to a quiet place when he needs to re-regulate. Honestly I don't really see why they would not want to support you with this service since it might be something that's truly needed.
In addition to all the other suggestions, if he needs to have consequences, they should be active consequences. For example, right now he gets in trouble and they have him sit in a quiet area. They should instead have him walk or run the perimeter of the playground. Or pick up trash with the custodian. Something where he is moving rather than inactive. Inactive will just lead to more problems...
Yes, he is on medication (guanfacine), although we could raise his dosage. We haven't yet because we're able to manage him at home, but perhaps we should if it would help him at school.
Yes, he's formally diagnosed.
He had a behavior evaluation done in kindergarten and they started him on a positive rewards chart. Every year his teachers try to wean him off it and this year his teacher never started it. I honestly don't know how much it helps--when he's feeling regulated, it probably gives him that extra boost to do his best, but when he's dysregulated, he doesn't really give a damn about it. I will suggest that he try it again though.
We do minimize his sugar and food dye intake.
His biggest triggers for impulsive reactions are people getting too close to him, or him getting too excited. These are the cases when a 1:1 aide could help to pull him aside before he gets too dysregulated, but those are practically impossible to get a school district to agree to. I've been asking since kindergarten. Maybe this new evaluation will help.
I honestly feel like sometimes sitting out for a bit at recess is what he needs, if he was already getting overstimulated and needs some space to calm down--but I don't like that it's a punishment rather than a support.
I believe you should request an Aid that is always with your son, I have that help and always remind my son or breath when it is needed but it is essential to have someone all the time with him during classes and recess, lunch.
Just having someone remind him what to do was really helpful for him to focus on what needs to be done, or not to interrup class, or get distracted on something else. He is not taking any medicine.
we have it in my kid’s 504 that he’s not allowed to lose recess or be given extra work. I would honestly push hard and have a hard line to explicitly have it written in his docs that punishment is not permitted. Based on what you’ve said here, even if his IEP is updated, i would not trust that the school or staff will be able to follow through and actually provide the supports. If this were me, I’d hire a special education advocate ASAP to be in all the meetings and I would have a weekly meeting with them until it stabilizes. Then later if they violate his IEP I’d file a strongly worded formal complaint.
Based on what you’re saying, they are violating his legal rights to equal participation in all aspects of his education (this includes library and recess). I think you should push until that changes, and get support for yourself so you can do so.
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