Adhd with oppositional defiant disorder 10 y

[Lool8]

Hello, my son at 9 y his assessment demonstrate Adhd and with Odd. How you manage daily ? He refuses when I say and he can be aggressive. Anybody with this experience ? Advice ?TIA

[Mamamichl]

iWork in special education, and my trainings in CPI have been helpful with de escalating and restraints as a last resort to be able to keep everyone safe.

My stepson has a similar diagnosis (adhd with dmdd tendencies). In kindergarten he would cause room clears weekly because of his meltdowns. Being in a specialized classroom that worked on his emotions was helpful too.

If I recall, people with ODD need to have something presented to them as if it’s their idea rather than as a directive.

[Icare67 in reply to Mamamichl]

I understand working with ADHD and ODD are difficult. We have struggled with yhe same issues when children were younger. I relate to the medications and therapy. It's not an easy road, wishing you courage, strength and endurance. Your sentence stands out to me, people with ODD need to have something presented to them as if it's their idea rather than as a directive . It makes complete sense, I can see it as extremely helpful. Would you mind giving an example of speech. I would appreciate it.

[Lool8 in reply to Icare67]

Yes

[Mamamichl in reply to Icare67]

My dad is undiagnosed. He asked me to pop a zit on his nose but it was a scar, and looked funny. I asked how long he had it… 3 months. I then asked if he saw a doctor about it, because I “observed ___”. I explained how I was concerned for his health, but the situation was above my pay grade and knowledge. I also expressed that I was not comfortable (or able to) handle that situation myself. I didn’t tell him to see a doctor, but I asked a series of questions to have him process it in a way that he decided to go to the doc. It was skin cancer and he was able to have it removed before it got worse.

As a kid situation, my kid would leave her dishes out constantly, but then not have a place for her breakfast because she didn’t take care of them. Instead of saying “take care of your dishes”, I allowed her to complain that she couldn’t eat breakfast because there was nowhere for her dishes. I asked what we can do about he situation so she can eat, and she asked if I would help her take care of them. I said, I could help, but it may be faster if we do it together. She decided to take care of dishes more often for a while without me telling her to. Another situation with her is that she expected me to take care of leftovers and I didn’t since she didn’t ask and I had to toss the food. When she asked for it, I stated I don’t know it was left out until it had to be tossed. She is now being more vigilant. For prompts so I don’t waste food, I could say something like “that food won’t be able to be eaten if we leave it out. Are you wanting it later? If they say yes, ask “what could we do to make sure it stays safe to eat later?”

I guess, just asking questions or doing observations using your knowledge helps guide their thinking to come to the conclusion rather than being one that tells them what to do. It does take more time, which is REALLY hard as a parent, but it helps kids feel heard and learn to be problem solvers. Also, use active listening skills, like if they say they want the leftovers, say “it sounds like you would like to finish it later.” This helps students process each situation and come up with solutions themselves rather than having internal communication nagging at them.

Hope this helps. Zen hugs 🫂

[Mamamichl in reply to Mamamichl]

Oh, btw, with having adhd and my dad having ocd, I have low self esteem, it’s extremely difficult to do this regularly. It helps to practice and roleplay this with other people. If you can be silly, you can give your kid a parent child role reversal day and it will help you both learn how the other one sounds to each other and learn important things. If not, forcing yourself to do pretend play can help practice these skills and do similar learning and role play skills.

[LisethHIS]

Hello, Lool8,

Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center on ADHD. We have some helpful resources that can guide you in working with your son and understanding of ADHD and ODD.

chadd.org/adhd-weekly/what-...

psychcentral.com/adhd/adhd-...

podcasts.chadd.org/e/managi...

chadd.org/about-adhd/disrup...

I hope these help!

Liseth

Liseth

Health Information Specialist

CHADD's National Resource Center on ADHD

chadd.org

[MommyJam]

My son has the same and its challenging. The Dev Ped prescribed Guanfacine. He also sees a CBT therapist and we communicate weekly on some of the most presenting issues. I've also included the school social worker to assist him with these issues. The medication administration really helped. But I also give him Vit D3, B12 and Omegas. Good luck

[Lool8 in reply to MommyJam]

Hello, do you think Vit D3, B12 and Omegas work ?

[MommyJam]

I didn't at first but when I stopped giving it to him I did notice a difference. I only stopped because I forgot to reorder. I had a full panel blood work done and the Ped said that some kids with ADHD are deficient in certain minerals which impact their brain function.

[MommyJam]

I'm not a healthcare professional but Renzo from Amazon was recommended by another mom with a son with ADHD. I use the Dynamite D3 and Brainy B6. I also use Nordic Naturals Omega ..I spoke to my Ped and he said they are ok to give him..so review with your developmental pediatrician. I also use lavender oil spray on his pillows at night to calm him. The way you speak to a kid with ODD is also important. I need to do more research in that area but the constant back and forth is frustrating.

[PurplePizza]

Hello, our son was diagnosed with ODD at age 3 (!) and ADHD at 7. He is currently 9 and there are some things we have found to be very helpful:

Dry erase Checklists for morning and evening routines. Instead of telling him to brush his teeth, put his clothes in the hamper, etc, we can say “Where are you on your checklist?” Same with cleaning his room, we took a picture of his clean room, broke it into different “chunks” to make the process manageable, then he knows to make his room look like the picture, one chunk at a time.

I can’t remember which of the dozens of books talked about this, but research “counter will.” For kids with ODD, they will defy/oppose your will—but if you don’t give them something to oppose, things go more smoothly. For example: “I need to pick up your brother from soccer. You can come with me or stay home, your choice. I’m leaving in 2 minutes if you want to come.” Or, I’m having lunch. I can make you a sandwich if you want. It could have been one of the books by Russell Barkley or possibly “Sulky, Rowdy, Rude” by Elven et al…probably if you google “counter will” you can find a lot.

We were dealing with a LOT of physical aggression. What worked for us was: nutritional Lithium supplements, mood probiotics, and a good magnesium supplement. Also, plenty of outlets for physical activity—he runs 2 miles a day (it is the only way he can earn video games) and does basketball and Jujitsu/wrestling. The jujitsu/wrestling has been the best for him because it’s a good workout, but also teaches guardrails around the movements (some things are “legal” and others are not because they are dangerous; if someone taps out you immediately stop, etc).

One thing we learned in parent child interaction therapy was to “praise the positive opposites” so very time he does something right, we praise him specifically and immediately “Great job putting your dirty dishes in the dishwasher!” “You were so kind to your sister when you shared your cookie” “I know it was hard to stop playing basketball but you listened to dad and stopped right away—I’m proud of you!”

Finally, sometimes I just wait it out…there are times he’ll immediately say “No!” And then 2 minutes later he’ll do exactly what I asked him to do…it’s almost like he has an immediate oppositional reaction, then after 30 seconds or so he gets over it and will comply.

It is so hard and so different from parenting my other children! But these are some things that worked for us. Best of luck to you!

[Nikkinik34]

I completely understand what you're going through. My now 10 year old has a similar diagnosis. There was a time my child had physical meltdowns almost daily. I am blessed to have a great care management organization that introduced intense in home therapies, In addition to therapeutic school I placed him a few years ago. With the focus on helping my child identify and regulate emotions I have seen a meltdown once in the past six months. It is not easy but putting in the effort paid off. The IEP helps but it really wasn't enough. We also explored various extracurricular activities to get the physical energy out. Giving my child a choice to pick, helped them feel more in control and heard. Staying consistent and routine combats disregulation.

I hope this helps.