Newbie

[MotoLady]

Hi there!

I’m new to Chadd resources and am looking to navigate the world of teenagers and ADHD! Easy right!?! Ha ha! My husband and I co-parent his oldest son who is 14. He recently spoke about wanting to kill himself over our strict rules (chores, respectful communication, outside play requirements) and screen time limits (4 hours daily.) We’re struggling with the boomerang he experiences from the different household dynamics (Bio mom does not have structure and he of course enjoys those freedoms). He’s seeing a therapist every other week and we’ve scheduled him for an emergency session and we’ve sat down with him to try and identify which of his needs are not being met as his safety and well being are our top priority. His response is unlimited screen time. I’m always willing to negotiate but we’ve already upped the screen time in the last year and we feel like 4 hours is the max we’re willing to do but it just isn’t enough. We don’t treat the suicide threat lightly but part of us feels like it’s a little bit of manipulation? We’ve shown him research on screen time and have thoroughly discussed his ADHD with him over the years, but he doesn’t care. Any advice? What are other parents doing for screen time limits? Thanks in advance

[Mamamichl]

we don’t have all time limits for screens. We are a gamer household though. We do limit YouTube (and social media), but as long as the gaming isn’t aggressive, we don’t limit. Games help learn problem solving, time management, and dexterity skills. I do have chore/outside expectations, and if those aren’t done by lunch time, electronics go off until those expectations are done. We encourage those expectations to be done first thing, but know that’s not always possible in the slow wake ups. We also have screens off (can have calm apps and audiobooks on) an hour before bedtime.

[MotoLady in reply to Mamamichl]

Thanks!

[MomOfSuperheroes]

My oldest is only 12, so I can't really help, but I just wanted to say it's great that you're working so hard to find what works for your stepson and your family.We aren't the best with screen time in our house, but we do take "screen breaks". It seems to work better for me than to say, "Your limit for the day is x minutes" which causes more anxiety. I think executive functioning challenges make it difficult for my kids to conserve their time. I will say, "In x minutes we are taking a 1.5 hour-long screen break."

We do have specific devices on timers (ie. Tablets go to sleep at 8pm), and my 10-year-old only has single-evening access to one of his devices as a reward for meeting a specific goal.

I wish I had more age-appropriate advice because we'll also be figuring teen stuff out, soon.

[MotoLady in reply to MomOfSuperheroes]

Thank you!