hello,
Does anyone here has a young adult child who received a late diagnosis for ADHD and has seek disability support for their child? My daughter is 21 and has not worked or gone to college since graduating from high school in 2020. She has extreme social anxiety and I can not get her to do anything with her life. She will soon be off my dental and vision benefits, but still on my medical until age 26, she does have some medical issues. I’m worried. Thanks for any advice from anyone
Good morning. Mommy2002,
Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center. I recommend beginning the disability application process soon. It's important to ensure that all of her medical records are well-organized, as they will need to undergo a thorough medical review. It's common for initial applications to be denied, but don't lose hope if that happens. You can reapply after 60 days. It's a process that takes time. ssa.gov/applyfordisability/... and ssa.gov/
If there's anything else you need, please let me know.
Thank you,
Liseth
Health Information Specialist
CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD
Hi! I know this isn't exactly what you are asking about but I hope it might still be helpful. My child is also a young adult and it was very helpful for her to take a class of her choosing at our community college. Their disability support office was very helpful with accommodations such as extended time and a quiet room for tests and quizzes, a recorder for recording lectures, ear plugs when needed, preferred seating in the front row so she would be less distracted, etc. Once she realized she could succeed she continued slowly, taking online classes for those that have a large social component as she also has extreme social anxiety. That first elective class really opened the door for her to see the possibilities. Every day is a struggle but it's also productive and she can see her progress. Maybe your daughter could try a class in acting, music, ceramics, photography, or web design? You're doing a great job, mama! 
I wasn’t diagnosed until 3 years ago when I was 38. I’m starting DBT and it should help with my emotional regulation. Having the right medication is helpful with my anxiety. The gene sight test helped with getting the meds figured out. Also, I have learned that interviewing virtually keeps my anxieties lower because I’m still in my home and don’t have to worry about new sounds. It also feels less personal so keeps me from feeling judged.
For your kid, look into DBT and have her apply for jobs that have less social interactions and request the interviews to be virtual.
Hi, I'm 38 y/o and my child was diagnosed with ADHD few years ago he was 8y/o. I'm a nurse and I never pay too much attention to this disorder after his diagnoses. I started reading, I took him to therapy, I started him in medication. I resumed school and one of my thesis is ADHD. I never been diagnosed but all of my child history, and all the articles I read already abut this disorder I diagnosed my self with ADHD. I was struggling with classes all the time, specially math and reading. I was very disorganized, I was loosing attention to get instructions. It took me a lot of time to remember a recipe to cook it my memory. But here I am. I became a nurse and yes it is hard but is not imposible. I never used medication. I don't think I'll do it. But yes it is hard to focus, but is not imposible. She needs to learn and redirect herself her attention and focus in one think at at time. Encourage her to star college. She can start online clases. Don't get discourage. She can start working on her self esteem. She can get some help with medication to improve in school. I never took medication. I wasn't the brilliant mind in my class room but never get an F. Anxiety becomes with this disorder. But there are so many ways to control frustration, anxiety and remain focusing. 😉
As others have said, therapy can be very helpful.
Here's my story about how I overcame social anxiety, while having undiagnosed ADHD:
•When I was a young kid, I was described as "shy". By my teens, I understood myself to be "introverted". It was nearly impossible for me to talk to someone that I didn't already know.
•In 1994, when I was 19 years old, I knew that I had to start working so that I could afford to go to school. (I was enrolled at the local community college.)
• With a couple of friends for moral support, I applied to at least a couple dozen local jobs. I ended up getting hired at an outlet store.
• Every day that I worked there for the first 5 months, I found it nearly impossible to talk to customers. I kept going back because I knew that I had to earn enough for the next semester. It was hard, because of the social anxiety and also imposter syndrome (which were terms that weren't in my vocabulary back then).
• One day, I had an epiphany, which started reducing my social anxiety at work...I realized that the most frequently asked question from customers was, "where's the bathroom?" Well, I knew the answer to that question, so I could answer it confidently.
• It would take me several more months to come out of my shell, but there were two more things that helped me.
1. I have always liked helping people, so I didn't think of myself as "selling", I instead thought of myself as "helping people find what they're looking for". (In fact, if my store didn't have what the customer was after, I would let them know what other store I thought they could find it at. This actually brought me repeat business...but that wasn't my goal.) ~ As a mentor told me around that time, what helped me to overcome being so self-conscious was, "taking my eyes off myself and putting them on other people".
2. I learned a key conversation skill that I had been lacking. I realized that having a genuine curiosity about other people helped me to ask better questions. (I also learned to try to find something in common with each person that I met. And, I figured out that if I shared some little bit of information about myself, then other people would respond in the same way.)
.....
By the time I was in my mid-30s, I was very adept at quickly establishing a rapport with customers and colleagues at work.
Empathy is the key, and people who have anxiety are generally very high in empathy.
I'm still naturally introverted, and so I don't go out seeking social engagement. I'm friendly with people wherever I go, but I don't have a lot of friends. I make friends slowly and selectively.
I still have social anxiety, but it's not nearly as bad as it once was.
Knowing how much therapy has helped me in other ways over the last few years, I'm sure that I could have overcome my social anxiety faster before if I'd had professional help.
~~~~~
One more note on this: I just heard the other day on a podcast that, according to research, anxiety has gone up everywhere since about 2010. That was when smartphones became more common and social media usage also became more common. This has affected girls and young women far more than anyone else.
I don't know what that means in terms of how to address the issue, because smartphone and social media usage seems to continue to increase. Once started such a habit, it's very hard to stop.
But maybe the perspective will help...she's not alone in struggling with social anxiety, or anxiety in general.
Hello, I have started her with seeing a therapist online and they put her on meds for anxiety and depression, which I didn’t really want for her ( she has been on meds all her life for asthma and also having blood sugar issues). I hope this will be temporary, I overheard her tell her sister she feels validated now that she is talking to someone. We had gone to a therapist in her high school years , but they stopped taking my insurance and I tried getting resources through the public school, but then the pandemic happened. She was never on any 504 , and she has had a history of asthma since infancy, both her and her younger sister ; and the panic attacks would often lead to asthma exacerbation. Her younger sister has problems talking with people, I’m trying to get her counseling as well, although she was able to finish her first year of college, even though she struggled a bit , her sister has not been able to do anything since graduating from high school 4 years ago. I suffer also from panic attacks and also an introvert, I feel it’s my fault they both have these physical as well as mental issues. Im truly mentally exhausted and I often feel overwhelmed from all the running around to different doctors and I had to work outside the home to support my family. I have several chronic issues as well, I have been retired for almost two years, but my kids are still very dependent on us and I have not enjoyed the experience of being retired because I’m still trying to get help for them, both seem to lack motivation in doing anything. Thank you for sharing your story, I’m still hopeful for my kids’s future.
I know that there's a correlation between ADHD and physical ailments such as asthma and allergies. (I think that I've read that this correlation is more studied with autism than it is with ADHD...but the ADHD-asthma connection is real.)
I have asthma, but mine is triggered by a particular allergy. (Mold spores...I figured that one out when I was about 20.)
My ex-wife has had occasional issues with panic attacks, and she experiences asthma attacks only when she's having a panic attack. So, I'm familiar with that. It was always an event which triggered an extreme stress reaction in her that triggered the panic attacks. Thankfully, she only experienced them occasionally.
• I think that our eldest daughter has also experienced panic attacks that triggered asthma attacks. I don't know how often. Both mom and daughter project a strong, confident persona to the world, but I know that they still experience anxiety.
~~~~~
I know that studies have yielded the statistics that women are much more prone to anxiety than men...
...but I'm one of those men to regularly experiences anxiety. I have also had social anxiety throughout my life (which has become less pronounced over the last 30 years...from age 19 through the present).
• I was labeled as "shy" and "sensitive" as a kid...at least as far back as 4 years old (my earliest memories go back to 4½, and I can remember my mom saying these things to other adults... unfortunately, I adopted those labels as truths about me for many years).
Mild anxiety is my almost my constant companion through life. It's with me almost every day. I usually don't take medication for it.
The one time that I did need medication for it was when my anxiety had built up over a few years until it was very severe and greatly affecting my ability to work. My increased anxiety also made my ADHD symptoms much more severe than my normal baseline ADHD.
• I got into therapy (provided by my employer's Employee Assistance Program/EAP), and received a dual diagnosis of Anxiety and ADHD. Then, my doctor confirmed both diagnoses, and he put me on anxiety meds first (escitalopram, aka Lexapro, an SSRI), then ADHD meds.
• Within 1 month on the anxiety medication, my ADHD severity had dropped to "moderate", nearly down to what was normal for me (for unmedicated ADHD). Then, my doctor started my ADHD medication. - Within 2 months of starting on the SSRI, my anxiety was almost back down to my "normal" level. After 4 months, my doctor and I agreed that my anxiety was better (back to baseline...not gone), and I could go off that medication.
Treating the anxiety first was crucial for me. It helped me return to normal life.
I have since had to get into therapy occasionally, and I went on the same SSRI for depression for a while (which it was only halfway effective for).
*(I'm not promoting the SSRI that I was on. It worked for me, but I know that one doesn't work for a lot of people, and as with all anti-anxiety/antidepressant medications, it comes with some risks. It's always best to work closely with a doctor for all medications, especially those that affect the mind directly. - I only mention it by name, because people have asked before what worked for me.)
Hi,
Similarly my son was diagnosed at age of 22 and we’ve been looking for support and resources. It’s a bit of a challenge because he’s “legally “ an adult.
Check with your states local Vocational Training Programs and Department of Economics Services (I’m in AZ) the offer career training and resources.
I checked with my employer and explained my my child’s diagnosis because I had similar concerns and was told that because of his diagnosis he would be able to stay on my health insurance beyond the age of 26. If that isn’t an option then check with your locs state insurance program. Your daughter should be able to get insurance due to her diagnosis.
I hope this helps
I just made an appointment for this month for a vocational program for my daughter and I will contact my insurance to see if I can keep her on my dental/vision insurance, she will be turning 22 end of this month. I feel very stressed trying to get things done. It is frustrating because she is legally an adult , but she freezes up when she has to talk to people and gets anxious and has always struggled in school, it’s been hard trying to find resources for young adults , I’m hopeful for the interview with the vocational program. Thank you
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