After years of suspecting that my 6 year old may have "something going on," today it was finally confirmed. He was part of an ADHD study and the feedback concluded that he falls slightly beneath inattentive ADD and hyperactivity ADHD, on the cusp. We live in NYC and he will be eligible for a 504 plan when we have our initial appointment with his teacher, guidance counselor and school psychologist and share his assessment results. There are more pressing issues going on in the world so I feel grateful that his assessment was completed before the city shut down. I completly accept that he might not have his 504 plan in place for the start of 2nd grade, but since we waited so long to be part of this study, almost a year, I feel a bit sad and frustarted that he will likely enter 2nd grade without his 504 in place. Just kind of processing the feelings since this is all so new.
Sigh anyway, I feel lucky to be part of this community. You've all been so helpful and caring up until now. I just feel overwhelmed by the situation so I was wondering if any of you can refer a book or article to me that explains how a young ADHD mind works. I've read some information about it, but I think I need a solid foundation.
Thank you.
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Mommy12
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Hello!
I don’t see why you will start the new school year without a 504. My son has an IEP, and we will be doing our end of the year IEP meeting via Skype next month. I will also be getting him an official OT evaluation this summer, and then request an additional IEP meeting at the end of summer to add in the OT recommendations. IEP meetings can happen before school begins, I believe a 504 meeting should be the same?
We live in NYC and the schools are a mess right now due to COVID. The situation is sad on many levels, nothing to do with our personal situation. We are new to all of this and since he was just diagnosed, I might have to request a form from his pediatrician, who is likely swarmed with medical stuff and then set a up a virtual meet with the school? I don't even know just yet. Getting ahead of myself here, but trying to honor the uncertainty of everything and prepare myself for this situation to possibly be put on the back burner because of the mess the school system is in.
as a parent of a child who is now a young adult, and was diagnosed at 7, this is my advice to you. You are going to have to be your child's advocate. This means educating yourself ASAP. Dr. Russell Barkley has some really good YouTube videos which will give you a great medical background on adhd and some general good advice. I also recommend a book called late lost and unprepared. It has some good tips and strategies.
I don't care how wonderful, good and caring your school district's special education department seems; remember that their goal is to provide the minimum required under the law. If you haven't don so already, get your child privately evaluated. You will be surprised at the difference in conclusions of the evaluations. Yes of course testing is testing, the results will be relatively close. A private evaluator is going to do way more testing .However it is interpreting the results and coming up with a directive for moving forward. Also you are going to have to become an excellent Record Keeper of your child's school work and progress. An example such as, the school says she is meeting all of her goals. But because you've been keeping great records you know that she is not bringing her books home, she is not doing her homework, she is not recording assignments in her assignment notebook, Etc. I know right now because she's maybe first grade this isn't going to be an issue. But as she moves forward in her schooling years it will be.
I had to sue a school district. And when the school district ran us out of money, I found a pro bono attorney to represent my child and I kicked their butts!
Welcome to the group.. here you will find many different opinions but we are all here to support you.
I am a mom to a 13 year old and I work as a Special Education Specialist. Try to go into the school experience with an open mind and copy/write down everything. I would recommended you contacting your school districts Special Education department and asking how they are doing 504 plans at this time. Some schools do their own, some are done by counselors. But every school must have a 504 coordinator. Even with online education your child may need help.
One resource, I wish I had when my child was young is a Podcast called "parenting ADHD". The episode about punishment helped me a lot. Penny Williams is the host and she is amazing is how she helps parents understand ADHD.
The journey is long and hard but we are all in this together.
I'm so sorry for what NYC is dealing with because of the pandemic. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
I'm listing 3 resources that may help to understand the ADHD (and similar) mind.
I recommend this ENCYCLOPEDIA:
The Encyclopedia of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorders by Evelyn B. Kelly
(A-Z format makes it easy to look up symptoms, tests, theories, etc.)
I recommend this AUDIOBOOK:
The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene
(the audio version of this book is best so you can hear the tone of voice)
I recommend this WORKBOOK:
Living Well on the Spectrum by Valerie L. Gaus, PhD
(the worksheets are a great way to help understand sensitivities and challenges)
Good for you for caring enough to research this very misunderstood topic, your son is very fortunate to have you as his mother. Give yourself a pat on the back for handling all of those ADHD situations before your son was diagnosed.
There are lots of helpful articles, podcasts and resources on ADDitude. You can request that your school conduct a virtual meeting to initiate the 504 before the school year starts. Its worth asking. I know it seems overwhelming, but the more knowledgeable you become about your child's condition, the better you will feel.
Keep in mind that he can look calm on the outside but his mind has probably been hyper with ideas or maybe feelings because of comments made over the last few years. Let him know he’s super lucky to have ADHD and that you’re there to help him sort it all out.
Hi, I would echo comment above about needing to advocate for your kid. We were offered a 504 in January of my son’s first grade year. At our elementary school the principal is the 504 coordinator. We had 2 or 3 meetings after that, where we got a lot of nice lip service and discussed the idea of the 504, but no plan was implemented. I did not prioritize it, and did not “demand” more meetings/action, partly bc some of my son’s worst behaviors (fighting/physical aggression) seemed to be improving. I was not out getting my nails done instead of following up with the school! I was working at a stressful job that pays for all of the therapy and etc... and taking care of a toddler and life in general. Anyway, this is my cautionary tale. I deeply regret not being more proactive. I was always feeling sympathetic toward the teachers/principal bc they are so busy, they are doing their best, blah blah. That may be true - but in my experience you have to be the squeaky wheel. And, wow, Coronatime is a whole different ballgame... we are in CA. I was thinking like you - I don’t expect any action on my son’s SpEd stuff in this environment. But I should at minimum document via what is going on with home learning (uggghhh) so that I have something tangible when we get back to school. Thx Krispies for letting us know about your virtual IEP meeting!
One other bit of advice I got from a parent, that has been so true - every school year can be WILDLY different, depending on the teacher (and of course your kid will change too, maturing in fits and starts). My son’s 2nd grade teacher was such a better fit for him vs first grade. Take care.
I will add, that obviously you know your son's school and teachers best, but if at all possible try to start over with each teacher with an open mind, it's very easy to become jaded, and there are some great teachers out there. Everyone is different. What I've found is that with my now 7yo, pick your battles, you can't overcome his wiring for impulsivity, but being impulsive in a parking lot is not the same as jumping on the couch.. touch base to see what he's feeling and how he sees school. My wife was adamant that one teacher was out to get him, and it turned out he liked that teacher a lot, she was strict with all students and he actually got in trouble less than his classmates, which we don't see from the reports coming home.
As a mom who is borderline ADD myself (what they called the inattentive type in the 80s) with a son with borderline ADHD (hyperactive/impulsive) I like what I have seen from Dr. Barkley. After viewing some of his videos I am now reading the latest edition of Taking Charge of ADHD (guilford.com/books/Taking-C... though I am still in the first section with the scientific info thus far. Another set of YouTube videos I found recently is How To ADHD - I'm linking a video on dealing with meltdowns. (youtu.be/Yfg3ThEm-gY)
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