We have a smart & loving 6 yr old son, whose ADHD is slowly destroying our family. Oyr toddler literally does not even get a br ak to “breathe” when he is home, and without exaggeration, I forgot what “normal” looks, feels, sounds like, as for the past 6 yrs, not a single day went by without screaming, time outs, taking ng away wanted toys/privileges, etc.
My husband is drained, I am beyond drained, helping him aucceed in school is quite challenging despite his intellectual ability, which is great - if he could only slow down, focus, control impulses, think before answering/acting, etc...
We never wanted to even remotely consider medication, however, we came ro the realization that we tried everything and even my husband, whi resisted the diagnostic s all along, now agrees and understands it is a health condition, which needs to be treated.
Do you have any recommendations for great ADHD Pediatricians, Neurologists and Behavioral / Play Therapists in the Monroe, CT area?
Thanks so much!
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Monroe2012
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Monroe2012-Welcome to the group, we are happy that you have found us. The first step in getting to a more stable house if accepting that this is a medical-neurolgical condition and that it needs to be treated that way. Please know that your child doesn't want to act this way. He is truly unable to control himself (some may disagree) without medication, behavior (counseling) modification and parental education. Our son sees a child psychiatrist (we tried medication with a pedestrian and it didn't work) and a counselor ( these sessions are with me and we both learn how better to deal with the many issues ADHD causes. We were told by the psychiatrist that %60 of his behavior can be controlled with the "perfect" combination of medication and %40 needs to be delt with through modification of things and parental discipline (us learning the best way to deal with it).
We live in California so I would not be good at referring you to someone. One more comment about medication. When children with ADHD take medication it doesn't change their personality, it just take away many of the symptoms (excessive talking, reduces impulsive behavior and makes them able to manage life ) without the extreme behavior issues.
Hope this helps and you can have peace in you household soon.
We are here when you need us, please lean on when you need us, we have a lot of experience between all of us. Best of luck.
Welcome! I know that it is difficult and a huge challenge, but things can get better. My almost 9 year old has been in therapy and medication for 4 years, and it has been a lifesaver for all us. Again, this is a neurological condition, ADHD children have a smaller frontal lobe than typical kids, so medication can improve many of the issues your having, but note that about 20% of kids do not respond to medication (the odds are in your favor). Our psychologist and pediatrician have been so helpful in finding the right combination for her (Adderall and Intuniv) and we plan on starting more CBT when she is a little older (11 or 12) when she is able to understand more about her behavior (she understands her condition but is still too young to have much control over her behavior). Try the books ‘1-2-3 Magic’ and ‘All About ADHD’ my Thomas Phelen, which gave us HUGE insight on this condition, it’s effect on families and the child when they become an adult if left untreated, in addition to some strategies. Those books were fantastic!!
Welcome! And I completely understand- I also have 6 year old son and a toddler. It’s a hard road to come to terms with medicating. My husband & family were also very resistant to the diagnosis in general, and definitely implied some unkind things about me. But we’re much closer to the same page.
Your local CHADD chapter may have resources specifically for your area in finding a provider. We kinda got lucky with our pediatrician, but it can be hit or miss. So I would verify they are trained in ADHD or can refer you to a pediatric psychiatrist (who can help pinpoint the best medication.)
I’m also going to give a thumbs up to the Phelan books! We also found Smart But Scattered and books by Russell Barkley super helpful.
Changing our parenting technique has helped us a lot as well. I’ll try to find more info later - right now I need to get everyone to school. 😊
We were you last year. I called a behavioral therapist who came to our home our sons school and this year is so much easier. He is doing better in school(also a smart loving boy) he is still him so challenging some days but my husband, little daughter and I are no longer struggling. Good luck.
Hello I have a 14 yr old son that has adhd and Ik it's really hard. My some is on Focalin and I think that works great. He's also on mood stabilizers to help with his moods.
I am the mother of a 31 year old ADHD son. I get what you are going through more than you know. As for medication, be wary - - schools push you to drug your child so they won't be behavior problems. Too often, a pediatrician will medicate without a neurological referral. If you want, you can have your child tested for allergies and have a neurologist test him to see if a mild medication will help. However, our rule was always - "does our child's academic improvements with the medications justify the side effects and health risks"? If the answer is "no", then be wary of people pressuring your family with drugs. I always found behavior modification VERY helpful, especially the reward system. I made my son my employee. Each morning, his job was to brush his teeth, try and make his bed, get dressed, etc. and he got an allowance and warm praise and reward for sticking to a routine. We scream, punish, etc. but forget to richly praise, hug, kiss, and show appreciation when they do the right things at the right time. There are books out there about it. A child psychologist might help, but try and make sure the doctor understands the condition first. As a mother and someone with a B.A. in Psychology, I wrote and illustrated a self-published book on Amazon.com and Createspace.com called "I have A.D.D. and I'm Proud to be Me." We don't fully understand how our ADD or ADHD child feels because they think everyone is against them and they are bad. I wrote from the child's words and feelings and perspective. A book like this opens up an avenue of communication between parents and children so you can explore what it feels like to have the condition and how your responses and structure and love will help him, instead of tearing your family apart (I am very guilty in that department). I kept the price as low as possible and I'm not just hawking a book. I want to help other families to not go through what we have gone through. I learned a long time ago that other mothers can provide more help than experts for our children. A nurse told me once "what are we talking about here, a 30 year old alcoholic man who can't hold a job? These schools and doctors are so full of themselves." Your perspective should be the love you have for your child and how can you best help. I learned that the hard way. And ignore the bitchy mothers and fathers at school who judge your child and don't invite him to the birthday parties. You also have Special Education rights. You can write to the Superintendent of Special Education in your district and request (within 30 days) a free in-school evaluation of your child and then there will be a hearing to determine services (you have to fight like a tiger but you can do it). My son's status was "other medical impaired" since many states do not regard A.D.D. as a learning disability. It is unfortunately, a garbage pail diagnosis for up to over 100 possible issues. Best of luck to you and your family. And make sure to hug your child every time he does something good. Wendy Kirkpatrick
Welcome! Glad you reached out for advice and support. You are not alone in how you and your husband are feeling. Having a child with ADHD is challenging. I too was hesitant about putting my son on medication, however my sister once told me ADHD is like any other condition that can be treated or improved with medication. Life at home is much better when my son is taking medication. Otherwise it is a chaotic, exhausting, frustrating, confusing charade. Reach out to your child's pediatrician for a referral for an ADHD specialist. I highly recommend the behavior therapy as a part of treatment.
Welcome! While you navigate the path with drs and deciding about medication, there are a few ideas to try at home (some that we learned from this great group!) that we have found surprisingly helpful to calm my sons behavior, he is 7.
We have seen improvement by focus on sleep and food. Earlier bedtime and consistent, for at least 11 hours a night (more even better). Eating every 2-3 hours, never longer, with some protein at each meal or snack. Regular water. Epsom salt baths (we do 1 cup every other day, and call them calming salts). And 4 smartypants vitamins daily, the red bottle. We also focus on praise over punishment, rewards chart, etc. and very little screen time. Oh and we cut out nearly all processed foods, our ‘treats’ are now more like popcorn, small pieces of dried fruit, or yogurt we have put in the freezer to make a popsicle. Hope some of these may help you to start the path to stabilize while you learn more about other options. Good luck!
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