choice we made.

[Nostrings]

I pulled my kid out of traditional school for the next two months to attend therapy school to strengthen confidence and learn how to manage anxiety/depression and find correct dosage for adhd medication. One week in and the kiddo is beyond mad and wants to go back to normal school. The kid was sleeping all day in school and depression worsened. Suicidal ideation had increased and slapping a bandaid on and taking things away didn’t work. Any suggest to help make this less miserable? Weekends are the happiest no school and friend over but during the week sadness.

[BLC89]

Hello Nostrings,

I am guessing that they miss the old school - even if it wasn't great - and the new situation feels awkward and they need to learn new routine, or make new friends or acquaintances.

It is the uncomfortable feeling of a new situation not necessarily the situation itself. We are not trained to work through the uncomfortable feelings that we inevitably encounter. Helping them understand the difference between a truly bad feeling - scared for your well being - and uncomfortable feeling - embarrassed, shy, out of place - is a huge gift to give them.

Depending on their age they may or may not be able to articulate what they are feeling to the point that you can see if it is true fear for well being or boredom or discomfort. If you keep at it you should be able to hone in on what they really don't like about the new situation.

Not sure in which school your child was sleeping and having depression get worse, wondering if just therapy, medication balancing and maybe a class online would be an option? It sounds like they need connection and understanding of how their brain works. Does your child know very much about ADHD? Are they curious about it? That could be the "class" they are taking along with therapy and medication balancing.

Depending on your child's grade this may or may not be an option. I am of the mind that supporting them in their mental health and understanding of themselves should be job #1, then family dynamics - having nice relationships with family members - then school. This is not a popular idea by any stretch.

We are so conditioned to put school first and then work around it to try and fix the other "problems." It's silly when you really pull back and take a look at a life well lived. How much does school positively impact your self-view? Most people have stories of survival when it comes to school; there aren't a lot of stories about the massive leg up or fantastic support school offered.

If you have the opportunity to support your child's mental health you are giving them tools to deal with systems like school that will be a part of their lives going forward.

I would talk with them and see what they are feeling and what they think the new situation means. They may have created a very negative meaning/reasoning as to why they were pulled out of "regular" school and you explaining the goals and how their brain works differently can diffuse and lessen those thoughts. Kids often fill in the blanks with "there must be something wrong with me" when major change occurs in their lives. Letting them know they are not broken, nothing is wrong and understanding is the goal can go a long way to alleviate their worries/anger.

I hope that gives you a place to start. I highly recommend ADHD 2.0 by Dr. Hallowell if you haven't read it yet. It is a great overview and covers much of the new brain science. Depending on your child's age they may be able to read it too and you could have a "book club" about it.

Hang in there, stay curious and willing to try different things. You are brave for pulling your kid out of regular school in the first place so I am guessing you will remain fiercely supportive and looking for answers.

BLC89

full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent and Adult Life coach and have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years. I have raised two children with ADHD and am CCSP certified.