THE CHOICE

[Nostrings]

I previously wrote a post “loss of control”

Here is the update, my son and I had a meeting with the principal and math teacher. Principal and math teacher didn’t want to let him out of the class and the counselor was agreeing to keep him in. I informed them being in an environment that is causing anxiety isn’t beneficial for learning and they still agreed he is better off staying in the same class cause he will be spiteful and bc will Do better in the other class if he leaves. The principal didn’t have time to finish the meeting so we planned to meet again on Monday. Well Monday came and went with no meeting. Today I called and no one was available, so I just showed up at the school and I had a meeting with the counselor who said they can’t make the change. I said the change needs to take place and my son needs to make the choice so that the consequences are his doing. He needs to have some control in his life and even something this small may make a difference.

the choices he had were:

1. Stay in the same class and be more respectful and try

2. Go to another class that will change your schedule. If they have room and will take you

3. Go to online class and keep your schedule and add another elective for early graduation.

——————————————————————————

he said,” 2 and then 3”

He is now enrolled in online math and the teacher sounds wonderful and has been informed of his desire to learn as well as how he learns and looks forward to working with him.

Giving him the choice made it better for him to decide rather then me SAYING YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. He felt more confident and I think he maybe preform better in an environment that is comfortable. He was also placed on a tracker that so that he is held accountable for his action in class he can see instantly if he wasn’t on task and if he needs to make a correction.

[Jodylexx]

Great job. Listening and knowing our children and what works for them is always the best option. It's not a one size fits all condition. My son has struggles and is closest with me because I listen and learn. I know how to help him, from experience. If he's having an explosive moment because his brain isn't cooperating or timeliness is off, or a number of things that easily cause him to get anxious. If I allow him to work it out, even with frustration, he calms so much faster than when others interfere and tell him not to do that, or worse fuel his fire. Then the small explosion becomes massive and nobody wins. I had to fight for my son with school. He was on the other end, he has learning difficulties. Retention is a huge factor. He is smart, he just can't learn like most people. Even if he does, it tends to slip away until reminded or prompted. He also has several other chronic medical issues. He's 19, and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 3. Thyroid, hypotonia, extreme allergies, EOE, and newer issues, which have been ongoing with fatigue, sleep issues and heart. He has cardiology appt tomorrow. I love when I read about a parent who listens and in turn helps with the ADHD. For me they deal with enough already every minute of every day, being supportive is only helping to make them feel more confident, which helps longterm. Keep up the great work. I don't know you but I see you, and feel this.

[Knitting20projects in reply to Jodylexx]

You might ask your son’s PCP if they think a geneticist would have anything additional to add. Forgive me, please, if I am crossing a boundary here. It crossed my mind as I read your son’s medical history. (I’m in healthcare ). The wait times are very long but it might be a useful appointment in the long run.

[Onthemove1971]

I would really encourage you to see your son through the lens of a child with ADHD. Children like your son are unable to think like an adult and don't truly understand the consequences of their choices like a Neurotypical child.

Also, members of the group made recommendations in your last post. Your son needs a 504 plan. The school counselor is not the appropriate person to help with this process. You need an administrator to help you.

Problems with school will continue and the plan is to help him. Warning..

school gets more complex and demanding and teaching him how to deal with whatever obstacles will be life changing.

It is very encouraging your son appears to like to take a leadership role in the sports area, maybe you can carry this to the outside world.

Our son only goes to school to play sports, this has lead him to an amazing college opportunity.

Best of luck.

[Nostrings in reply to Onthemove1971]

Even the admin wasn’t helpful, I spoke with the admin and they thought it would be best to keep him in the class to teach him a lesson.

I said,” as adults were able to speak up and remove ourselves from uncomfortable situations. As a kid he isn’t and keeping him in an environment that is uncomfortable and anxiety inducing will cause more behavior issues.”

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Nostrings]

I was not speaking about the decision to keep him in this class or not. Best to you.

[Mamamichl]

I am glad you taught your kid about making hard decisions. I’m sorry you are dealing with poor admin. As a paraprofessional in a special education class, we have little to no support even with emergencies (I almost called 911 after over an hour of no support during g a series of restraints and attacks). I was thinking about having my kid do online learning when she gets older. She’s in 4th grade right now though, and needs the physical and social exertion.

[Nostrings in reply to Mamamichl]

That is unacceptable! I would be reporting that school.

I contacted the case manager that over see IEP AND 504 I informed her of what happen and told them I am taking it to the district. They said they were not denying it they just didn’t know how it would benefit him.

[Mamamichl in reply to Nostrings]

I need to take it to the esd/isd that is in our county since the admin aren’t doing it right. The county agency should be able to help us train the admin to handle things or hire more people.

[PonderingPapa]

You mentioned a "tracker" to help stay on task. What tracker are you using and do you like it? We could really use one. Planners and timers are helping us, but a tracker sounds wonderful.

[Nostrings in reply to PonderingPapa]

The planner never worked for my son cause he would shove it in his backpack and never use it.

For the tracker he needs to have it signed every day by his teachers. He likes playing video games and so are deal is he needs to be on task every day and on time to his class. He is in control of his fun and if he isn’t doing the tracker then the consequence is no more fun. He is being pretty consistent with it so far. When I am at the computer I will share a copy of it. It really keeps him accountable for his action

[STEM_Dad]

Marvelous!