How do you help your ADHD child who has no filter?

[MyWanderfulBoy]

My son has ADHD combined type and is nearly 8. He’s on Adderall. The lack of a filter has always existed but as a littler kid/toddler things were more easily overlooked as cute or silly. Now his friends are starting to make confused faces when he brings up completely random information which can sometimes be very nonsensical as well. He struggles to be quiet watching movies with his friends and they become annoyed. One of his friends also has ADHD but only the inattentive kind and finds it irritating. I feel so bad for my son because he’s so sweet and bright and doesn’t want to annoy anyone, but he often comes off the opposite with mentioning anything and everything he’s thinking about. I know it has a lot to do with his excitable personality and ADHD in general. I don’t want him to change, but I do worry about how he’s perceived socially and it affecting his friendships. We have tried to help him by talking about how it’s important to think about what you say before you say it. We remind him that we all think silly things, but we don’t always have to say them.. just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to say it. Things like that and the importance of staying on topic. What else can we do? Any strategies that would work? Any particular therapy he could benefit from? Any stimulant that helps better with impulsivity? Does it just get better as they get a little older? Any advice and hope from your experiences are much appreciated.

[Aspen797]

You might want to check into speech therapy for pragmatic language/ social thinking help. Some of your areas of concern are skill areas that can be taught by a SLP familiar with pragmatic language instruction—recognizing the right setting and partner for certain types of speech (or silence), staying on topic, perspective taking skills to notice others interests and include those topics in conversation, provide background on topics others aren’t familiar with, etc. With maturity too, things improve!

[Onthemove1971]

When we saw a child Psycharistist they told us: when it us the correct type of medication, given the right dose and at rhe right time 60% of behaviors from ADHD should be gone. I recommend him seeing a Child Psycharistist to get better control with medication. He is unaware he has his displays these symptoms, even when told he is not able to stop it.

These are a number of previous posts if you have time to read they will be very helpful.

We are always here for you if we can help.

[MyWanderfulBoy in reply to Onthemove1971]

Thank you so much. We’re having a look for one now. Adderall is the first medication he’s ever tried.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to MyWanderfulBoy]

There are stimulants and non stimulants and both work well. If you are able to find what helps it really is life changing. When they are unable to define why they are acting a certain way it is heartbreaking. But finding a professional to help is so important. We needed support ( letters to the school, change in medications and advice when things were not going well) and having someone skilled really helped us a lot.

You have many more years ahead so hope you can make some changes before school, life and peer pressure really impact him.

One more suggestion, can you find him a hobby/sport/interest outside of real life, it really helps to balance things.

For us it has always been sports, but there are so many options.

Reach out to us if you need more advice and let us know what changes you made, we are village to learn from each other.

Best to you.

[MyWanderfulBoy in reply to Onthemove1971]

I will definitely be updating this post His pediatrician has been wonderful, but she’s not into exploring other options. Seeing someone he can actually talk to as well as prescribe medication sounds more promising. He’s been in taekwondo for the past year and it’s helped him with self confidence and overall coordination. His preferred outlet for calming himself has always been drawing and he’s becoming quite the artist these days!

[MyWanderfulBoy in reply to Onthemove1971]

Update - his pediatrician was happy to give us a referral to a child psychiatrist as they can also recommend or provide therapies for him as well as fine tuning medication. He’s going in 2 weeks so I’ll update more then. I have a feeling he may need more than one medication. I read a post you made a while back.. my son is also very smart and maybe he needs a medication for focus and another for impulse control.. We’ll see what unfolds. Whatever adjustments he needs, we feel we’re on the right path and feeling hopeful!

[Onthemove1971 in reply to MyWanderfulBoy]

Thanks for updating us. That is exactly what our son needed. Once everything got settled with medication ( it's great you are supporting this) we added the educational plan. He started with therapy, which gave him a safe place to work through the consequences of his actions. We knew we were on the right track..

We are excited to help you on this journey.

We can't wait to see how all of these changes can help him.

Best to you!

[Mamamichl]

I’m in my 40s and diagnosed at 38. I have this issue and it has gotten me in trouble working in the education field. Being on the right med has helped some. I can just … be, and take Deep breaths areas of blurting as much.

[CHADDMOM]

Hello MyWanderfulBoy,

If kids only came with filters! I remember a lot of times where my grandmother would cover my mouth, because my well intentioned ideas came out of my mouth too fast!

This problem stems from his slower than typical, social/emotional growth due to slower development of his ability to inhibit. The ability of inhibition, lets us guide all of our actions over time.

He knows this and doesn’t know how to control it Separating their “personality” from these difficulties, is almost impossible, and the many messages kids with ADHD get over their young childhood years is excessive as well

It can get better with medication. Medication can actually help improve the lag in brain maturation and volumetric differences that we see in kids with ADHD. That means that ADHD can cause a size issue with certain parts of the brain. They noticed this on a CT scan they did on my son when he was a preteen and had sensory symptoms with the lights flickering in school and wanted to rule out anything sinister.

The consensus of new research is that medication can have a “nueroprotective” effect on kids, and may “normalize structural brain differences”ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articl....

Navigating friendships are difficult for kids who unintentionally blurt out what’s in their hearts. My mom told me, and I told my kids, you only need one friend. He friend with ADHD might be the best kid to stick with.

Giving kids with ADHD, the right language to use, and how to them frame their difficulties with their friends is very important. I think kids should have the right words to say. Just like some kids have to work on their being late, or forgetting assignments, so do other kids have problems with excitedly share things they are thinking about, before thinking it through, can be the beginnings of great and lasting friendships.

This will come from you, to model this for him. As we know, kids do not do what they’re told but they will do what they see you do.

As time goes on, it will get better. Brain development happens while it is in use. Helping kids with medication and having success with proactive communication, can be a stepping stone for more “islands of competence” as he grows. The ability to do this isn’t lost, it’s just not showing up for him.