It must be difficult to be an integral part of a group that moves people, nations and sometimes the entire world ahead by leaps and bounds but not feel like you are understood or accepted by that society. I imagine this is what it feels like for many who have ADHD. They look at the world so differently than the majority and because of that they create solutions to problems that no one else can. But, there’s always a but, they are unconventional, don’t color within the lines, and are not linear in accomplishing goals.
They do not fit in with school, most of the time. School makes no sense to the way their brain approaches life. Sitting for hours on end having someone tell you information that you then have to recite back to them, correctly, or you are chastised and/or humiliated, makes no sense. Of course not everyone with ADHD has this type of experience with school. There are some that can muddle through and do “well enough.” They can color within the lines for 12+ years to make it to graduation.
Every once in while throughout those 12+ years topics will catch their attention and their imaginations. They will excel beyond most other students, when engaged in the topic. These instances of excellence are actually a heavy burden. It is what teachers, parents and society will point to as an example of their potential. “You did incredibly well on that World War II paper and now you slack off for the essay about the constitution. I know you can do better!”
It is interesting to me that the US school system carries this mindset so firmly. Why does a bright student have to excel in everything all the time? “Because we know they can do it if they just put their minds to it.” Translation: you are not living up to your potential because you don't excel at every topic. Huh?
And, even more bizarrely, if you are good in English you must also do well in Math, Science and History. What? Why? If I am interested in the topic I do better as does every other human on the planet. Why do I have to be equally interested in all topics? That really makes no sense. But that is the standard to which all students are held, not just ADHDers.
It seems like the pressure is really on ADHDers though. There are neurotypical bright students that I am sure feel the pressure of having to do well but I don’t think they have the same degree of judgement from school or society as is imposed upon ADHDers.
I think when you do well sometimes, not predictably, authorities are somehow suspicious of your intent. Almost as if they think when you do poorly you are doing it to somehow make them look bad. This is one idea that explains why there is so much malice directed toward ADHDers when they “under achieve.” Somehow ADHDers are doing it on purpose and want to make others, not themselves, look bad. Again, what?
The other possibility is that authorities, for lack of a better word, are so intimidated by what they think ADHDers can achieve, because they have seen how well they do when they are engaged, that it scares them. And when people are scared they do their best to keep the thing that scares them from having the upper hand. So the reaction to ADHDers when they are “not living up to their potential” is not to investigate why but to chastise or dismiss.
ADHDers are between a rock and a hard spot: fit into this system that makes no sense, follow the rules or be chastised and/or outcast from the group. Or excel at what interests you and then be chastised or outcast when you don’t do well on all other topics. Either way you are severely judged/punished/outcast when you don’t do well in what society deems important.
So what can ADHDers and those who love them do? In my experience, talking about the different wiring, different view of the world and openly accepting it can do wonders. When an ADHDer understands that they see things differently they can better understand why others react the way they do. They can prepare for the challenges that come with being "the odd one out” when at school or a typical job.
When you know there will be a challenge the challenge is reduced.
Simply acknowledging the struggles openly and without judgement reduces their impact. It’s like knowing where the finish line is. It is a huge challenge to run a race if you don’t know when it will be finished. You can’t plan how fast or how hard to push yourself because you don’t know how long you have to sustain the effort.
When you can see the finish line or have an idea of how long the race will be you can plan for it. It is the same thing when you openly accept the challenges that come with ADHD. When you know challenges will be there you can plan, you can wisely use your resources and sustain the effort needed to complete the task.
No matter the age please talk about the different wiring. Talk about how others may not “get” the ADHDer. If you are the ADHDer then find someone to talk to who understands some of the challenges you face. Get someone in your corner so you can make a plan and better weather the storm of criticism you face. Help these wonderfully creative ADHDers retain and build as much self-confidence as possible. We need these different thinkers!
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