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New to parenting ADHD diagnosis child.

Autism_adhdmomma profile image
9 Replies

my 5 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with ADHD and ODD by a child psychiatrist. She has always been a blessing to us but the last guests she had just seemed like she never stopped going and conversations with her are the same way. However I don’t know if it’s a misconception that if you have ADHD you usually have a lower IQ. My daughter is five and in kindergarten at her school. The school wanted to do a 504 plan because it’s not effecting her learning….yet. However I tried pushing that they bump her a grade up because she’s bored in class her first semester math goal in kindergarten is to be able to count to 50 on her own, she’s counting pass 100. She knew how to say spell and write her name before even going into class. She is doing first grade basic math at home and gets wigged out when another classmate colors outside the lines on class work. She is unbelievably smart and the teacher has said that she is getting out of her seat in class and I’ve tried explaining because she has finished her work and is bored waiting on other students to do theirs so she is trying to get it done for them. The school refuses to move her up a grade and last week I asked her psychiatrist to do an IQ test and see if they could help me out. Or if I was over thinking things due to her two older sisters who are on the spectrum and are exceptionally smart in certain areas and really swayed in others. I feel like I’m fighting this alone and I’m the only one seeing her potential. Am I wrong to be doing and asking for this while she’s only 5? What do your kids do?

9 Replies
Whatwerewethinking profile image

There is so much more to consider than intelligence when skipping a grade. Maturity is probably the biggest consideration. And not just now. Think ahead to middle and high school (and puberty) and being very young in the grade and the problems that could create for her. Being able to listen and follow instruction, even when bored, are skills worked on in kindergarten. Learning personal boundaries and how to interact with peers are a couple of others.

My son’s math skills are also amazing.* And he has been writing his name since he was 3. But we did a 5k year at his preschool (basically an extra year of kindergarten before he started real school), because we knew that he needed the extra time to mature. His 5k teacher said, “no one ever does this extra year for academic reasons”. And I think that’s very telling. It’s more about maturity and readiness, not numbers and letters.

You could ask why they won’t consider moving her up- knowing their reasoning might explain their logic. Or it could give you something to work on and maybe she could skip to 2nd grade the next year.

* He can add and subtract in the hundreds. And do some word problems - e.g. There are 30 days in November and today is the 3rd. How many more days are there in November?

Autism_adhdmomma profile image
Autism_adhdmomma in reply to Whatwerewethinking

I can understand that and that maybe where they are looking at it from. It’s just frustrating because that’s how she was in preschool and we tried to do the extra year there too and was told no she to smart for that the extra year wasn’t needed. So I’m just at a lost because she is bored when it comes to the class work but she loves her peers and looks forward to seeing them. So I’m not sure if I’m helping or gendering. But I will definitely check with the school and try to see if I can get some reasoning.

LAJ12345 profile image

I think it’s better to go broader than up due to the maturity reasons given above . You don’t want your daughter in a class with older girls when she is 12!

So extend her with eg music, art, language. Something harder and different. Or see if she can bring a puzzle book or reading to do in class when she is finished her work.

NYCmom2 profile image

As a mom with 2e kids (1 with ADHD and 1 with Autism), I would hesitate to move up a grade because of uneven learning (accelerated in math, struggles with writing etc) and the social emotional or maturity unevenness when compared to older kids.

Some schools will allow a child to be grouped with older students for a single subject (math, reading, social studies are common). It’s rare they will move a child up a whole grade.

See if they’ll accommodate accelerated math specifically. Or perhaps there is a class in session (music, art, chess) to sit in on during math. I wish more school were ungraded and 2e, allowing students to be grouped not by age but by learning cohorts. These schools do exists but they’re not very common yet.

MomOfSuperheroes profile image

My son has ADHD, diagnosed at age 5 and has just turned 9, and is above grade level in both math and ELA (with the exception of handwriting). I agree with those who are urging you to strongly consider the socioemotional component to skipping a grade level. My son is thriving with a 504 without moving up a grade. There have been challenges with boredom, but we've tackled them by working with his teachers and math/ELA specialists. They provide my son with harder work as well as enrichment materials, and that helps a ton. He serves as a teacher's helper, on occasion, helping his classmates with their reading. He also fell in love with chess (so random because no one in my family plays), so we send him to classes for that and participate in sports, and that provides everything from exercise to socioemotional lessons to intellectual challenges.

In our case, nobody has ever recommended my son skip a grade because he's definitely needed the socioemotional component of the lower grade level. It's been a tricky journey, thus far, but my son's doing great.

Momtrying profile image

A 504 could help you put some things in place for when your daughter has finished her work and is bored. She could maybe get out something else to work on or read a book at her desk?

Aloysia profile image

Please don't move her up a grade. My son was also bored in Kindergarten (could already do all the math and was reading Harry Potter by himself). But he really needed to mature socially and to be able to control himself (not bug other kids when he is bored, raise his hand before blurting out the answer, etc).

You have some options:

1) the teacher should be able to give her extra work so she isn't bored or at least allow her to do silent reading. This is the teacher's job, but you may have to request it.

2) get her signed up for other things to do outside of school. I saw chess club mentioned. Maybe there is a science program. If there is something she is interested in (bugs, dinosaurs, astronomy, etc), then find a way to pursue it. There are also many free programs online that she could do such as Khan Academy.

3) work to get your child some good friends. This will mean setting up playdates and monitoring them. Kids w/ ADHD tend to have problems maintaining friendships and you will need to help her through this.

The other thing you need to consider is whether your child would be ready to go to college and live on their own at 17. Most kids with ADHD actually need extra time at home (even if they start college), because they can't manage school + life (cooking, cleaning, managing their own schedule, laundry, homework, finances, dr appointments, etc.) at the same time yet.

I went to college at 17 (I don't have ADHD, it's in my husband's family) because my mom put me in Kindergarten early. I got through it, but even without ADHD it would have been better if I had been age appropriate with the other kids. Socially, athletically, etc. For example, it was very weird that all my friends went through puberty in middle school and I didn't until high school.

Take care,


Deenice profile image

So as you do more research regarding ADHD you will find that our ADHD kids are behind in emotion/maturity by approx three years from their neurotypical peers. Most ADHD kiddos are extremely bright but the maturity aspect becomes an issue when recognizing social ques, making/keeping friends, regulating emotions, and coping. My daughter was diagnosed at 6 and is now 12 and as I reflect back I wish I would have held her back one year. Chronologically she's 12 but emotionally she's 9 and on occasion will literally flip out like a toddler. Luckily she saves those instances for me when we get home and that's mostly because she's keeping it together at school all day long. As suggested I would have the school pull her out for more challenging work or have her teacher offer her more advanced lessons while every one else stays on the current lesson plan.

Its definitely a journey.

Warmest Regards


LAJ12345 profile image

My son was a very advanced learner and he really loved scrabble. He used to play both sides of a game by himself only turning replacement letters over just before playing the turn. He started this at age 6. Get a rotating board. Scrabble is a maths and problem solving game as well as a word game as the scoring and looking for highest score is mathematical. The score of each letter and placement on the board to maximise score is like a puzzle. Maybe the teacher would let her sit at the back and do that if she has finished her work.

My son didn’t have any learning difficulties but there were certainly plenty of people with Asperger’s and possibly autism on the tournament circuit. He played many tournaments around the country and internationally but sadly has thrown it in to play computer games.

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