almost 5/yo son recently diagnosed with ADHD - looking for resources

[Maggie-Shaw]

I’m a recently divorced parent who is highly engaged in my sons well-being and care. I have been working diligently with my sons teachers, lower school counselors, occupational therapists, and psychiatrists to help him be able to function better in his day to day life. My sons father refuses to participate in the supportive care coordination or recommendations from educational professionals and doctors. I am having a really hard time creating continuity and structure for my son because when he’s with his father there are basically no rules, the house is in a total state of chaos, and he eats sugar for pretty much every meal. Any other parents that are working essentially on their own to help their kids?

[Trying1978]

That sounds unbelievably tough. I'm married but mainly in charge of the kiddos so I know (a little) how difficult it is when you work so hard to create order or a schedule and it gets messed up not by you. So I can't offer much except sympathy and that I'm sure a lot of others have been in your situation and will be able to give more specific advice. Hang in there!

[familyaddventures]

Hi Maggie! I've seen the co-parenting struggle and I get it. Even with a "supportive" partner it took me 3-4 years to convince my other half that this diagnosis was real and that we needed outside support and lots of structure.

I sent Chadd and Understood.org articles. I also found a different perspective on ADHD here: instagram.com/theadhddude/?...

Perhaps it will be helpful to both of you.

Co-parenting is a difficult journey (it was for my own parents) so I'm sending you all the support!

[Snaizy]

If your divorce isn’t final yet you can try to put in your custody order that your sons schedule shall remain consistent when he is with his dad since that is in the best interest of the child. Ultimately you may not be able to “police” what happens over there (unless you can put a parent coordinator professional on your case?) but it’s certainly reasonable to put in some guardrails around the schedule (bedtime, meal times) that should be agreed to by both parties for a special needs child. It’s unfortunate that your ex doesn’t see the need for this; over time your son will recognize who provides a safe and secure home and who provides chaos, and in the meantime sounds like you will be picking up the pieces - for that you have my sympathy and understanding! Good luck, it’s very hard, just keep doing your best in the time you have with your son. Kids really only need ONE reliable parent to navigate life in a healthy way- and he’s lucky that he has that parent in you 🙏

[Chances321]

I am working all alone as sole navigator of kid's issues. As a male too, battling other issues in the kid, it's nerve-wracking handling all this with a full-time high-stress job. Haven't really landed on a medicine that really helped much so far. I guess it's a hit and a miss all along the way?

[NYCmom2]

I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this. It sounds like your ex might have ADHD.

I have three good friends (a mix of men and women) in similar situations post-divorce.

This article might be helpful when he’s older and you have more homework and activities to coordinate:

huffpost.com/entry/8-strate...

[HoldingonLou]

Hugs to you. Be brave Moma.

My child started after school started. It really did help. Exercise helped also to wear him down before class and before nightime rituals.