New to the group. 7 year old son with ADHD

[Collegemamaof4]

Hey everyone,

I just signed-up with the group. I am hoping this helps me. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and mood disorder. I am new to all of this. As he gets older he gets worst. Every morning and afternoon he wants to start arguing, tell me I am mean, he doesn’t like me, ect. And this is just telling him it is time to get ready for the day. He gets in trouble. Things are taken away, And he will get timeout. It just makes it worst. Nothing seems to work. Everything just makes it worst. I am getting exhausted. I am a college student, work part time, and I have 3 other children. I do not know what to do anymore. Advice would be amazing.

[Cleethon]

My 7 y/o son also has ADHD combined type. He was diagnosed almost a year ago. He was put on vyvance for about 5 months and we really didn't see much of a change in his behavior. Then came 1st grade and it was nothing short of AWFUL. Constant trouble and expulsion. I can't even begin to list what we have been through. Started him on good old school Ritalin and the change in his behavior was immediate. It does change his personality and he's much more subdued but at least he's cooperative when he's taken it. It's beginning to be not as effective and his behavior is becoming more challenging. I'm calling his doctor tomorrow to see if he's developing a tolerance. I would say the number one thing is finding the right medication. That is and was huge for my son. He's also in therapy with occupational therapists and speech therapists because he has sensory processing disorders so they help too but this has not been an easy road. Get him on the right medication. That's the best advice I have right now. I also took a parenting class for understanding ADHD. That opened my mind more than anything. You have to educate yourself on his diagnosis. This has helped me be more patient with my son. They need your love and support more than anything. Can you imagine what they go through on a daily basis!?!! Makes me sad. I get you are busy. I am too. I stay up late and I get up early. You can get through this. Stay in touch.

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Cleethon]

He is on vyvance 20mg he was diagnosed in August. And he is on mood disorder meds also. His dr. Just uped the dosage. We are just at the experimental stage. He knows I love him. It just gets exhausting. I just need to figure out different approaches and how to explain to the other kids on how to approach situations. Thank you for replying and the advice!

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Collegemamaof4]

I just don’t know if the meds are making his behavior worse or they are just not working.

[Cleethon in reply to Collegemamaof4]

Do you feel like the Vyvance is working? I honestly thought it made my son more anxious and agitated. He also has anxiety which also seemed to get even worse. I've heard it can be a miracle drug for some but for us it just wasn't. I hear you about the exhaustion! and the lack of support from almost everyone really. Most people have NO IDEA what raising a child with ADHD, anxiety and SPD is like. What ages are your other children? I have an 18 year old and an almost 16 year old - all boys. They aren't patient with him either. It really is a daily struggle. Good days and bad days. His doctor wanted to start him on prozac too but I just don't know.

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Cleethon]

It works during the day but seems to ware off by evening time.

[Cleethon in reply to Collegemamaof4]

We might need to dose again in the afternoon as well but haven't started that. He had soccer tonight and was so much better without being medicated. He was medicated last Saturday during a game and it was like he was scared of the ball and didn't talk to any of the other kids and then tonight a totally different kid. Again it's hard to know what to do. I'm still learning too and will continue too. Just when I think i have things figured out, something happens and we have to figure it all out again

[Lynn83]

I am here with you!! It's like Jeckle and hide if you know those two characters in one person. He is so unorganized, sloppy, loud, very annoying , and forgetful when he is not on his meds! It is a LOT of work!! My husband and I bump heads and before he was diagnosed it put a huge tear into our relationship. When my son is on meds he is a very smart sweet young boy. He makes the honor roll and kids love him. He is very shy when on the meds and focuses . Hang in there you are going to make it! I am still drained trying to make sure my son is happy and isn't treated different then other children. Some kids can be cruel you know.

[Lynn83 in reply to Lynn83]

I forgot to mention my son's age, he is 8

[Cleethon in reply to Lynn83]

HI Lynn. I agree. When Maxim's meds are in his system he too is somewhat shy and reserved and listens. It's like its a shell of the real him though so I'm so torn about all of this. He needs the meds though because otherwise he's way to impulsive and blurts and bounces off the walls basically. I think he's made his teachers want to quit their jobs if he's unmedicated. I also can relate to the misunderstanding with his dad. He is not as understanding as I am and has not learned and educated himself on how to parent our child. I try and explain to him but he doesn't want to hear it. He thinks I baby him. Maybe I do but when people yell at him and tell him no all day long he needs unconditional love from me. Not the I let him do whatever he wants but i don't want to constantly harp on him either. Ugh. Yes its hard!!

[Lynn83 in reply to Cleethon]

Yes it is!! I also agree with the teachers quitting 😂LOL!! Since my some is medicated during school days they think I am crazy when I am always asking them what he is doing and how he is doing and I am constantly worried if he is behaving. I try to tell my husband to pick his battles. My husband doesn't understand that some of things our son does is not on purpose. I know it get irritating because I have learned how to have patience with him and understand that it is the ADHD not him. It is SO hard though. I worry about him sO much! I am SO happy that I met you cause I don't feel alone and embarrassed anymore..

[Cleethon in reply to Lynn83]

Don't be embarrassed!! When I didn't understand his ADHD or even know what was going on with him I was more embarrassed of his behaviors but now I'm way more understanding. I guess it is something I work on too but I don't get too worked up over how he acts anymore or at least try not too. We were just at a Dairy Queen last night and he would not order and turned his back to the guy because he could not remember what he wanted and HE WAS THE ONE that WANTED to go in the first place!!! So ridiculous. Then he got mad at me because I couldn't and didn't know what he was trying to order. He barely eats anything or likes anything so even ice cream can be a challenge to get him to eat. He is sooooooooooo thin so I'm obsessed with feeding him. He's tall too so makes him look even more thin.

You are not alone. The more I talk about his ADHD and the more open I am about it, the more I find I have people to talk to and people who have been there. Sure there are jerks that have no understanding and basically blame it on our parenting but there are a lot who are understanding as well.

We can definitely help each other

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Cleethon]

I had the exact thing happen last night too. We were at Texas Roadhouse and he usually gets ribs or Mac and cheese and he got upset because he didn’t want to go there because he didn’t know what they had (he has been there plenty of times). He couldn’t figure out what he wanted. I just said well I will order for you or you can order, or you don’t get anything. He order after I picked something he didn’t want. Lol it was frustrating but I laughed it off.

[Lynn83 in reply to Cleethon]

Wow!! This happen to me , as well! My son is very skinny to and he is also a very picky eater. He does not like any time of sauce on his food or he freaks out!! This is with or without the meds. I am trying my best to understand him more and more too. I try to put him in sports to help him socially. I just pray when he gets older he is okay..smh. I am worried if he refuses to take meds and as an adult. That will be a trouble sight to see..😔 Overall I just want my son to be happy have great memories as a kids and enjoy life.

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Lynn83]

Try putting him in wrestling. My son loves it. He is super good too. Wrestling keeps him focused and he gets a lot of aggression out too.

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Collegemamaof4]

It makes for a better night too. He has practice all week at 6:30. When we get home he is tired from working hard. Mornings are still not fun. I have been doing so much research so I can better understand what I going on in his brilliant mind of his. I have learned if you make everything funny he responds better. Like for an example, trying to get him out of bed. I say come on my cute little froggy. It is time to hop out of bed. He rolls over tries to fight it but I go come on my cute little froggy you have to hope with me to get out of bed. So I start counting to 3 and start hopping. He thinks it is great and starts hopping out of bed. They getting dressed part is still a bit tricky 😏🙄 but I am working on it. Today he did have a melt down bc he got in trouble and wanted to play with the tablet. I said no so he started to freak out. I tried to give him options made it worst so I told him he needed to go to the stairs and sit. When he is done crying I will set the timer for 5 mins and if he is good and quiet we can talk. If he starts screaming or talking I will add another min. He complied. But good grief. I am not a patient person so it is hard for me to be calm and collected. I am learning how to be patient and I think I am making head way.

[Cleethon in reply to Collegemamaof4]

You are doing awesome!! Seriously. Just think how much he enjoys your little morning ritual. Yeah those melt downs are AWFUL! I can't stand when he freaks out and we have done the same thing with sitting on the stairs and not starting the timer until he stops screaming and yelling and getting up. It's so traumatic for me when he does this. Everyone in the house gets riled up and he seems so angry and sad and confused that I just can't even stand it. I am not a good disciplinarian. I just realize the sweet moments I have with him are such a wonderful thing and I really just try and keep the peace and let him by him but again this is where his dad and him just butt heads. I have an 18 and now 16 year old (boys) and I have realized life is short and time flies and before you know it you will look back and you will have a hard time believing how fast this time went. He is by far the hardest of my 3 but my oldest was challenging and I just caught my 16 year old stealing alcohol. So I'm dealing with teenage issues and a son going off to college and then my little boy who is really struggling. I love them unconditionally but parenting is HARD!!! You are doing AWESOME!!

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Cleethon]

Parenting is hard for sure. My husband is trying to be patient too so I am glad we are on the same page. My son and I are the ones that bump heads the most. Unfortunately he got my stubbornness. About your 16 yr. old, stay strong mama, you got this. I am not looking forward to the teenage stage. My oldest daughter turns 10 on the 28th and she is developing the preteen attitude 😩😭 I am terrified haha But through everything they are my world and I would not change a one thing. And thank you for the encouragement and kind words. You are doing great too!!!! You seem like an amazing mother❤️

[Cleethon in reply to Collegemamaof4]

Well thank you back. I try. I think I am a better parent now than I was 10 years ago but with age comes wisdom. That must mean I will rock it out as a grandma (not anytime soon though!). How old are all your children? You sound very busy. You are also going to school? Yikes! That's stressful but awesome!

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Cleethon]

My stepdaughters are 10 & 9 My boys are 7 & 5. Yes I go to school. I am wanting to go into the radiology program and I work as a student leader at my college. I get paid to do it and it is fun but it is a lot of work. Then we have wrestling every night and basketball every Saturday. I need to have time to study too. This month is all four kids plus me were born in January so we are busy with birthdays and we are having the big birthday party this Saturday we combine the birthdays together and on their actual birthday the kids get to chose dinner and get a present from my husband and I so they have something to open on their birthday. It is just back to back birthdays and no we did not plan that. 😂 I turn 29 on the 23rd this month. This month is worse than Christmas lol 😂

[Cleethon in reply to Lynn83]

I to worry about the future but then I remind myself ...its a waste of time to fret about the future because I can't control it. I can only live in the moment and when I do this I swear it works every time. I can only work on today and plan for tomorrow but even that is a crapshoot. Maxim is the same. Always a picky eater. With or without meds. Does your son have sensory processing disorder because I have learned his food aversions are part of that. Physical activity does help. He has soccer twice a week but he has LONG days at school and after school program so he needs his downtime too. The pediatric neurologist we saw said 2 hours of screen time a day is ok. That includes the TV. They don't use iPads or screens of any kind at his school but I guess many schools do and his doctor said that's a horrible idea (his opinion) but makes sense to me. Maxim could live in his iPad if allowed.

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Cleethon]

He has a good appetite. He just has issues with loud sounds. He does have a thing for gloves that drs use. He loves the feeling of them. He says he is going to be dr when he grows up. I limit screen time. Jayden’s school uses computers. But no tablets. All my kids could live on the tablet or on the PlayStation. It is very limited here though. I believe in outside play. Lol

[Cleethon in reply to Collegemamaof4]

I was trying to respond to Lynn83 with the message about being a picky eater. I thought the message would go below hers but it didn't I get the loud noises. My lord. At times he'll just scream when we are all hanging out or doing whatever and its so shocking! I'm sure he likes our shock over his weird and loud noises because most of the time it scares the crap out of me

[Jackieedunn in reply to Cleethon]

I know your story all too well, especially the picky eating and hoping he will just eat ice cream haha! It's nice to have support from parents who don't judge and just "get it!"

[ExhaustedMomma in reply to Lynn83]

Oh Lynn, this sounds just like my life! We’ve been on medicine for a week now and I don’t think my husband and I have butt heads once this week. It’s amazing how this group makes me feel like a normal mommy!

[ADHDMOMNAT]

My daughter also has ADHD combined type and two mood disorders and it seems as if I wrote this post. I am going through the same thing with my 6 year old daughter. She just started Adderall Xr and its helping a little but it only last 3-4 hours in her system. Every morning is a struggle for us to and she says the same things or when she is irritable she tells us she wants a new mommy and daddy, and she hates us. Usually when we tell her to do something she tells us we are being mean and wants new parents. The Neurologist that evaluated her and diagnosed her recommended us to seek family (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) for strategies for behavior and for her to do individual paly therapy.

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to ADHDMOMNAT]

My son says the exact same thing. He gets pretty mean. I have thought about looking for a therapist.

[Janemariekathryn]

I can relate to the morning arguments. I have realized that arguing back is like throwing fuel on their fire. Using a rewards system is often advised. For instance let him know that if you can get through a morning without confrontation he will be rewarded. Educate your self on ADHD . The more you understand the easier it is to deal with. Their brains process information in a different manner. Our children struggle with controlling impulses and a result is their defiance. Therapy, patience and educating yourself and your son will help. Nutrition is also an important factor. Good luck. 🙂

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to Janemariekathryn]

I have definitely been doing my research. And I agree the arguing or even the raising of your voice definitely lights the fire. I am stubborn and I won’t back down but I have decided that I am done with that. This week has been good. I have been making jokes in the morning to get him up. I have been doing a reward system. So far it has been going good. 🤞crossed this method keeps working for a while.

[ExhaustedMomma in reply to Collegemamaof4]

Ladies, I’ve spent the last 15 minutes reading this thread and oh my gosh it all sounds like my life!! I wish we lived on the same street!! It feels so good to have others on the same page as you.

[Collegemamaof4]

Yes it is nice to know that we are not alone. ❤️

[DublTrublMom]

I am a newbie here. Daughter 8 currently being tested by psychologists for ADHD and possible learning disability.

Her pediatrician did a computer test in his office and diagnosed her ADHD combined. My question for all of you is how did you go about getting your child diagnosed? Was it mental health professionals or physicians ?

Did you have any medical tests done to rule out any possible medical condition for ADHD symptoms? We are just starting down this road and want to know all I can about it.

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to DublTrublMom]

I went to the doctor with my son and he did tests on him. Then he was diagnosed. Went to the doctor today because my son has been having really bad anger issues and he just told me that we were supposed to be seeing a therapist too. He failed to mention that when he was diagnosed in August 2017. 😩🙄 So I am looking for a therapist now. So I recommend to go to the doctor first then if she is diagnosed go from there.

[sonyacuellar]

hello i just joined this group today. I can relate to you. my son is 8 and hes so angry all the time. I do the whole grounding, taking things away and he dosent even care. I am exhausted too. I tell his doctor all the time about his meltdowns ( as i call them) its rough i know. No matter how i talk to him, he just gets more angry. is your son on meds? I try to remind myself that its a illness and i take a breather, for a few minutes then try to talk with him calmly. Im trying to figure this whole thing out as it comes.

[Collegemamaof4 in reply to sonyacuellar]

Welcome! Yes my son is on meds. His doctor gave him a strong dose. It seems to be helping. Except this morning was a bit rough as I forgot to give him one of the meds last night 😩 it is a new one so trying to get that one into routine now. It is hard not to get after him when he is saying hurtful things and just being a huge jerk to me. It is so frustrating!!! I just walk away and ignore him now for his and my sake. He then realizes that I am super mad and he will start trying to make it up to me. I take things away he don’t care either. Except I did find that his stuff animals (dogs from build a bear) will work sometimes. So I have some leverage. I finally found a therapist that is taking new patients that isn’t booked out until June, his appt is the 23rd this month so we will see if this will help the both of us. I will let you know if it does.

[Jc101]

Sounds like my 7 year old son!!! Same thing time outs , taking things away etc do not work . His anger episodes really only last about 5-10 minutes but oh are they so challenging. I would say my son has gotten worse as he’s gotten older also . The o my thing I really notice mak s a difference is responding more calm even when you want to freak out and instead of a timeout I would make my son sit down and color , read a book or give him beads to string . Sounds crazy but it calms him down . Now I have to say I am not consistent with it . I also have 3 other kids so sometimes I just flip out and after the fact I realize I didn’t do anything to actually help the situation. Another thing that helps is trying to remember with adhd that initial reaction from him is not entirely his fault .