We're still seeking a diagnosis and treatment options for my 5 year old but we're strongly thinking ADHD.
I know limited screen time would benefit all children, and especially those with ADHD, but I haven't limited screen time thus far because, honestly, it's literally the only time he will sit down and I can get a break. I'm a single mom who works full time and has been having health issues lately so I need that rest time. He won't sit for crafts, to play with toys, or even to eat. He doesn't fall asleep until midnight most nights so there's no me-time after he's asleep. I can't trust him to play by himself because if I'm not 100% engaged with him the whole time he'll get into something he's not supposed to.
He plays 3 sports and gets at least an hour of exercise a day, so is an hour or two of TV in the evenings really that bad until we can get treatment and figure something out? I feel so guilty about it but I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions?
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redmama2
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I hear you!! I’m an only parent and since the start of the pandemic have had very little childcare help. It’s been rough. A couple hours a day of screen time seems totally reasonable to me. If you want to think about limits, maybe limit what he’s watching? Only Disney Plus, for example, or only funny animal videos. It’s ok to need a break!
I'm not going to judge your screen time, but here are my suggestions for breaks.
Think about what sorts of things are the ones he will hyper-focus on. My 6 year old comes home from school every day and goes straight to the table for a Quiet Break Time. It may be coloring, drawing, a workbook, etc. Sometimes he takes us in his room to build with Legos. Eventually he tires of the activity and needs to turn his brain to something else, but I can usually get about a half hour out of him, which he needs in order to wind down.
When he was 5, we often had to join him for his break. Sit in his room and read a book while he was playing with Legos; sit at the table and do some work while he was working on something, etc. This may be where your son is at.
And when you do screen time, look into Osmo. It's educational and has manipulatives.
Thanks, I'll look into Osmo. And that's the tricky part, he won't hyperfocus on anything else except TV and video games. No arts and crafts, toys, or even physical activities have held his attention so far but I'll keep trying other things
Oh man, that sounds rough! So just responding to one tiny part of what you said re sports. I have 3 kiddos & 2 are non stop sports & activities. I'm planning on asking them what they really like for the next season & reducing each one's activities by at least one because I think the lack of unstructured play time us hurting both of them, psychologically.
He seems to do better with structured activities so I hadn't thought about not having unstructured time as a bad thing, but thank you for the insight! He still has unstructured play time, he currently only has sports practices for an hour everyday so it's not overwhelming but keeps him active and his energy level manageable.
hi. I know you are still in the early stages, but meds will absolutely change your (and his life) and you'll be amazed at how he suddenly does all the things he now cannot (like play Legos). To answer your question, in my opinion, as long as it's not social media, screen time is not a bad thing for children with ADHD at all (as long as it doesn't prevent sufficient exercise, but you covered that). Videogames can be relaxing to them since they are often the only things in their world that can keep up with their super fast brain. For you, I recommend noise canceling headphones. You can still watch him while escaping into a peaceful world of music or silence. I love mine! Good luck to you.
It must we tough when he doesn’t fall asleep until midnight. Does he stay in his room and in his bed or is he out of bed until midnight. He must the knackered during the day. You mentioned that you haven’t yet had a diagnosis etc but maybe even your family doctor could prescribe him melatonin for sleep? Maybe if he gets better quality sleep he will be more likely to engage in other stuff like crafts etc.
Have you tried ‘sensory integration’ strategies to calm him- weighted blankets, body sock, rocking chair or hammock, wobbly or wedge cushion for seating, bath with colour changing bubble bath etc. I noticed that even my non ADHD child loves all these the same like my ADHD child.
My son couldn’t sit and colour or read a book for more than a few minutes before meds. Now he’s on meds he can.
I wouldn’t cut the sports and physical activity. It’s great if he gets engaged in these and able to participate. My son’s ADHD was so severe that before meds he couldn’t really engage properly in any team or individual sports (apart from cycling), but since he’s now on meds he’s loving all sort of sports. It good to give ADHD kids something that gives them ‘quick’ reward- let’s say when he’s able to tell me ‘Mummy I scored a goal’ or ‘I saved it.’
Don’t be hard on yourself - it’s fine. Remember that when you’re flying in a plane you always have to fix your own oxygen first. It’s the same with parenting - you’ve got to be ok for him to be ok. If screen time does it, then so be it!
Absolutely agree with the other posters who say that screen time can help and not to feel bad about it.. The current recommendations for a 5 year old is 1 hour on a weekday, which in my house is about 1/3 of the time our kid is at home, I don't know about you... Also, the effects of screen time that we are concerned about are the long periods of passivity/inactivity, and then also eye strain. It doesn't currently sound like your child is having too much time in the day being passive/inactive. But also many screen options can be modified to have your child think critically-- you could try Khan academy kids (Free), or get a leapfrog video game.
If you can afford it/it works for your kids, you might also get a babysitter for while you are home. I found an 8th grader who will take my child to the park for an hour and a half, or just play outside while I put on my headphones and rest. I can't afford to do this all the time and definitely not daily, but that extra time of not being in charge helps me recuperate.
I feel you and I probably overdo screen time, but I have my own mental health issues that I also need to manage, and giving myself a little me time is a necessity... so I do not feel too guilty for it, provided he's done his homework and is behaving well (TBH, there's not much time after homework in 4th grade anyway). If anyone can prove to me that no screen time actually stops ADHD, then I am all ears.
He is really into drawing, so he does spend time doing that too, and gets pretty hyperfocused on it. 5 is a harder age for this problem because he's more reliant on you to play with him.
I also agree with the poster who mentioned melatonin. You only need a tiny bit, like .5mg - 1mg for a few weeks to reset his clock, and hopefully he should be able to start falling asleep earlier on his own. But check on that for his age... Hope you find your YOU time!
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