Overwhelmingly Exhausted

[Mum2Kingz]

I am so eager to learn. Learn to cope and understand without skepticism and frustration. Learn to listen to my son and together find solutions to get back to living. Due to his intellect often times I approach situations with agitation which in turn frustrated him and before I know it, we have completely forgotten to address what got us to that point anyway. I need help PLEASE 🥺

[Hidden]

I am just recommending this author and doctor to everyone with ADHD kid because for what I quickly read on his non for profit website and also bits from his books - he really has developed effective strategies for kids.

My friend has already bought his book and she says she really can see that she can use those strategies with her son. Her son is super bright and his ADHD doesn’t impact on how he takes in information and learns but he struggles with very impulsive and hyper active ADHD so basically when he gets in a state teachers or caters can’t deal with him. I’ll be checking with her how it’s going for her. I don’t want to buy yet another book yet😂But I already downloaded his app which is really brilliant and free available on the website below.

Dr Greene was on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is now founding director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance (livesinthebalance.org), which provides free, web-based resources on the CPS approach and advocates on behalf of kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges and their caregivers.

[Trying1978]

I struggle with showing agitation & station as well, especially if there's anything going on in my non-kiddo life that is also causing stress. Hang in there!

[NYCmom2]

susanstiffelman.com/ is a great resource for parents!

[Brazilianmom]

first of all , here is a big virtual hug for you . I hear you and I can relate . I felt and often feel the same way . However , I took a parenting class provided by the adhd clínic and it was so very helpful . This was billed to my Inssurance as group therapy . After that I signed up for the 1:1 therapy for myself as mother trying not to parent a child with adhd . It has been so helpful . I have learned strategies , I have found a place to deal with my win felling la and fears. Hope this helps

[MustangGma in reply to Brazilianmom]

That's great! I also took "nurtured heart approach" parenting training. Still had a hard time. Then saw my Dr and started a low dose of anti anxiety medication for me. Best thing I ever did!We hear it all the time...but its true that you have to help yourself also! And there is NOTHING wrong with that!

[eva2022]

Wow-how amazing is it that your child has a mother who wants to LEARN?! I am so impressed with your post! You are open to helping your child in the best way for him and you want to learn how to do that…your child has a tremendous gift in you!

My child has severe ADHD and autism, so what worked for us might not work for you, but here is what has helped:

-constantly asking, “What can we do differently to help THIS particular situation?” (Not trying to solve everything, just one small thing at a time)

-Reading lots of books about ADHD/autism from the library…there is usually one helpful thing in about two hundred pages, so it’s not the most practical method, but I do usually find SOMETHING to help.

-Therapy for me.

-Accepting that I will not and my child will not be the best/perfect. I can’t “fix” him, I can only love him.

-Praising whatever behaviors I want to encourage like crazy. Praising and rewarding practicing those same behaviors.

- Using the M&m method: my child was licking his lips until they bled. I put a handful of M&ms in my pocket and every time I saw him not licking his lips, everyone got one. I use this method whenever I really need to change a behavior and I use it sparingly and on a weekend. It usually takes a good week, but it’s the best that I have found for my son to change really intrenched behaviors.

-leaning on health care professionals to help me make decisions regarding my son’s health so that I don’t feel doubt/guilty about medication

-Calmer, Happier, Easier Boys (just great advice about high-energy, distracted kids)

This is a hard parenting journey. We are all learning much of the time! You’ve got this!

[Peerandparent]

I struggle too, and I know what my guy is going through, having lived with it himself. What I try to remember:

1) it's not disordered learning, it's disorder of doing. We can know what the right course of action is, and either not be able to summon the will to act, or be unable to suppress the impulse. Skill building can only get you so far, after which we know the skills and beat ourselves up for not doing what we know to make sense. Look for creative solutions to roadblocks, through the use of technology, routine, environment and support from others.

2) Their goal is never to piss you off. It may seem like it sometimes, but remember that for the most part it's safe to aim your frustrations at the situation or the disorder rather than the person.

3) As frustrated as you are, they're probably even more frustrated with themselves. I heard it said once: "You only have to put up with me for a few hours a day. I have to put up with me 24/7"

4) Break any planning further than an hour from now into small chunks. Have immediate rewards and consequences. For example, with my 8yo, when I tell him he has clothes to hang up, if he does it right away, he gets a reward. If he doesn't, he misses out on the reward and doesn't get any screen time until it's done. Even as a "grown up" I need to break things down as well. For example, I can't just tell myself to do the filing, so I tell myself to file away three things. Usually it'll be more. I also benefit from having outside help with prioritizing tasks and/or scheduling.

5) We have no sense of time. We can't effectively estimate how long a task will take or be able to feel the passage of time with any accuracy. I used to beat myself up for it, thinking it was a character flaw, and only learned recently it's a major component of ADHD. I have about three dozen daily alarms on my phone, for everything from the typical wake-up and med reminders to reminders to eat, to pay bills, to go home at the end of my work day, to take breaks, to check the mail, to plan meals, to shave, to pick up the kids from school... I could go on. I also know that for any time estimate I make, I need to double it and add a bit more to account for all the things I didn't account for. And I still get it wrong sometimes.

6) ADHD doesn't affect what we can do as much as it affects how we have to do it, and with what support.

Hope this is helpful. You didn't give any specifics, so I tried to keep my advice general.